Why not a compromise?

Son stays under the current agreement for now, and you let him know NOW that when he graduates in 8 weeks, he has X amount of time to get a full time job. During that time, you expect him to commit X hours a week into searching for said job. And he has X amount of time to get on his feet, save some money, and move out.

You should be proud of your son. He sounds like a nice kid. He also sounds a little lazy and I'm sure the VA money has him feeling a little entitled.

But here is an opportunity for him to grow up a little and try those man-pants on!

I don't have kids of my own, but I assume your son didn't just start college. Why is your DH so adamant now, when there are only 8 weeks left until his graduation?

Why not make an agreement with your DH. Pick a date, AFTER your son's graduation in which he needs to be moved out by. That way you DH get's what he wants, an end date of the live in adult, and your son still gets the opportunity to finish college without the stress of finding a place/ moving and potentially finding a job before moving as well. Maybe give him a month or something after gradation to be out? Maybe he can have a job lined up before then and it won't be a hardship for him to be on his own then. If your son doesn't meet that date, you'll have to make some terms on this, but I'd say either say too bad so sad, get out, or start charging him rent.

22 is waaaaaaaaay too old to be living at home. Your dh has put up with 4 years too many and that is a lot.

By keeping that kid under your roof all this time and allowing him the laze all day, be mouthy at times lifestyle, you have kept him a teenager. I know you didn't mean to do it and you love him to bits and wanted to do the best for him. But you kinda tied the kid to your apron strings without realizing it.

But I also agree that if you've had him all this time, 8 weeks to graduation is reasonable to allow him. Work up a plan to get the boy out and on in his own. Present this plan to your dh and ask him for the extra time. Implement the plan instantly.

That means tell kid he must start designing a resume in his off hours. That resume has to be done be such and such date. Tell him he's expected to do volunteer work in those off hours, too. And he's supposed to go apartment hunting. And have a savings account. He's supposed to have enough saved so that he can do the deposit and all that right after graduation.

Think up all those practical things he's going to need, set out a time table, and make him do them. Really, you need to do all this anyway. But if you get real organized and serious about it, your dh may be willing to give your the extra 8 weeks.

I don't know. Where I live now, kids often stay at home until well into their 20s. But I left home at 17. I think it depends on culture, preparation, expectations, and some kind of mutual pact to respect each other.

If your BS is acting like a teen (mouthy, lazy) then your DH will be glad to see the back of him. But he's been doing this way past the teen years. So that's not cool for your home life.

My approach on parenting is this: the kid starts out not being able to do a thing for themselves. Can't even lift up their little bobble-heads. But when they're grown-ups, they can travel the world, do anything, be anything they wish (and are willing to work for). And that transition didn't happen by magic, it happened by parenting.

So if your BS is technically an adult, but isn't behaving like an adult, some of the responsibilities of adulthood are still being held by you. To what extent are you enabling? If you look at yourself, can see where helping might have crossed over into enabling?

And if you can see areas that you can give BS HIS responsibilities, then all of this should become much easier for all three of you.

Please post an update about how it goes!