was a wrong?
My husband and I celebrated our Childs 1st birthday along with his oldest kids birthday. We had my family come and His family come for one birthday party. My side doesn't normaly buy gifts for his kids when it is there birthday because we don't invite them do to his kids and my side not being close. I agreed to not getting our 1 yearold a gift and getting his child a gift because my husband said our 1 yearold would never know the difference and his kid being older would be hurt. We are very tight on money and live on a budget!! My family bought gifts for his kid and one was a gift card for a store by us. I found out that his kid took it to his BM house and I told the skid to bring it back so it could be used at our house. The skid thinks I am a POS because he wanted to use it on something he wanted at his Bm house. I told the skid no, you always complain you want this and that and I don't have the extra money now the skid can buy what the skid wants withough throwing a hissy fit. Their BM NEVER lets them take their gifts over by us or any money by us so why should I let them. Plus there mom gets CS so if the skid wants something the skid should ask her for it. I hate how I am always the POS. Was I wrong to say no the skid?
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I disagree. We do not allow
I disagree. We do not allow him to take anything to BM. If it is a gift card he uses it when he is with us. We hold it for him. I will be damned if BM gets anything from my house. Most families I know do this. The kids have equal stuff at both houses...Mistake here was letting him take it to begin with.
I also do not ask my family
I also do not ask my family to buy SS anything. If they want to great, but I do not encourage it. He has two families buying for him, he doesn't need a third.
I'd have probably asked DH to
I'd have probably asked DH to talk to skid about the card, so that you don't have to be the bad guy. He should have collected it from skid right way and put it aside for safe keeping, until a time when he could take him shopping with it.
I believe a gift is given TO
I believe a gift is given TO THE CHILD.
We never played the "this at mom's house, that at our house" game...
If he were my son, I'd have
If he were my son, I'd have him give you the card. I'd tell ex to thank his ILs for the gift. I'd also ask him to tell them not to give son anymore gifts . I get keeping things you pay for at your house but this is a bit much.
IMO, No you weren't wrong in
IMO, No you weren't wrong in the way you felt, but you were in the way you acted. Gifts bought by my family or DH's family stay at our house, because when they go to BM's she pawns them, but we're dealing with a real piece of shit BM here. The kids are allowed to pick one thing to take to her house each time they get gifts. They usually choose to not take anything.
IMO, you were wrong for asking kiddo to bring it back. That NEVER works and is a losing battle.
I agree with this. I would
I agree with this. I would have felt the same way. But once something goes into the black hole that is BM's house it never comes back. I would just make a mental note that all future gifts received by your family should be accounted for before the kiddo goes back home. If not, you just have to cut your losses and move on.
I guess it really does depend
I guess it really does depend on the BM. We never told the skids where to keep their presents, but I can see how it could get contentious. It would be hard for a kid to understand the reasons though.
SORRY LONG POST - We have run
SORRY LONG POST - We have run into a similar issue with my youngest SD11. Frequently my family gives her money for birthdays or holidays because they "don't know what she wants." She has on more than one occasion tried to get her dad to let her take it to her mom's house. This upsets me also because I know that money we gave his oldest (my SS17) for a camera last Christmas was not used for that and we are pretty sure her mom confiscated it when she got home 'because she was grounded'. Yes, I did ask DH to get SD17 a giftcard to circumvent this issue, but he didn't. Anyway, she never got a camera.
Roll around about 6 months after Christmas and SD11 wants her mom to bring her over to our house so she can get her birthday money so she and her mom can go have a 'fun evening' at Barnes & Noble. At first DH says ok. Then I remind him about the camera and if her mom is broke after we send her A LOT of money in CS every month, that is her problem. (She needs to lay off the manis/pedis for herself and both girls.) So he calls SD11 back and says I'm sorry, but you can't come get your birthday money and that he would take her to B&N next time she was here. Of course she starts crying and it's a big mess.
To me, this is a boundary issue. We have let the girls take clothes over to their mom's house only for them to come back and say they don't like them anymore because their mom said they were ugly or that they can't wear them. From now on, I don't buy the girls clothes; that is their mom's responsibility. And we only request gift cards from my family. If they do get money, it stays at our house until we take them to spend it.
I would say with a gift card, it is up to you and depends on how old the children are. But I wouldn't let them take cash to a woman's house who would rather use it on herself than her children.
OMG do we have the same
OMG do we have the same MIL/BM? MIL here also pays for everything for BM (groceries, rent, utilities).
Good for your MIL for going to get your stuff. We have done that a few times, but now, what they wear here on Friday, goes back on on Sunday.