I'm so sorry for your situation. I feel the same way about DH. When we first started dating, he told me if my BC failed and I ended up pregnant, I'd have to abort because he had SD12 (5 at the time, and we weren't financially ready). So BM was good enough to knock up at 21 when you made $9/ hour and didn't own anything? Your FWB was better to attempt a happy family with than the woman you claim to love?

And what did your H mean about having to deal with 2 stepdads? As in, if/WHEN it doesn't work out with the two of you, he'll have to deal with your new boyfriend/ hubby? Again, this is an extremely difficult situation and I am sending good vibes and virtual hugs!

I am broken hearted just reading your blog. Forget about him for now, What do you want? Would having a child make you happy? This is something you need to really think about.

Plus there is really never a perfect time to have a baby. Life is always busy.

Do what you want to do!  If he won't be a father to this baby then you can do it alone. 

I am sorry. 

Please listen to the tiny tiny voice. 

You two seem worlds apart on this subject. You say you didn't get the reaction from him that you expected....does that mean that he has told you he wanted another child? I don't get the impression that either one of you discussed what would happen if you got pregnant. If you are not using birth control then it was imminent, no?

Ultimately, you will decide what is right for you at this point in your life....wishing you the best.

I'm so sorry- what a horrid situation to be in!!  Sending you hugs and peace.   Think this through.  In the end it IS your choice.   We just had our 2nd miscarriage-both pregnancies were unplanned, both I'm older 40 and now 43- nature took it's course FOR us-but I did discuss my options with my Dr and DH.  Though unplanned and we are in a different stage of life- and though I am pro-choice-for me the choice was clear after my inital 24hrs shock wore out. We would keep the pregnancy unless for medical problems with the baby.   We both love eachother very much and though not ideal at our ages-we would have adjusted any life plans to welcome this little one that again was meant to be.    It's broken me, these losses-and it wasn't my choice- if I had to choose to terminate to make HIM happy?   Yeah, we'de be apart for sure.   You're in an impossible situation.  This is VERY early in- maybe let it sink in with him and talk about it again in a few days-sometimes the sheer SHOCK of it and the adjustment of life goals can cause people to think/say things that are harsh at the time but he very well MAY re-consider his position after the shock wears off, kwim?     You might both be in panic/shock mode.  Give him the benefit of the doubt to re-have that conversation in a few days after your confirmation appointment.  Is this your 1st pregnancy?   And btw, honey- CONGRATULATIONS momma!

Sending big hugs, and I'm sorry you're in this situation.

I think you need to do what you think is best for YOU.  Terminating a pregnancy is a huge decision.  Some women are fine with it; others regret it for the rest of their lives.  Like you, I would not be able to live with my husband or my stepchildren if I aborted my own child at his request; I would have to leave.  One other thing - you've said yourself that the relationship is rocky.  How would you feel if you terminated your pregnancy and then you and your husband split up?  It sounds like he's at least open to having the baby, as he said he'd be a good father to the child if you did.  Don't think of it as forcing a child upon him.  He helped to create the child when he chose to have unprotected sex.  He doesn't get to ask you to do something you're not 100% comfortable with after the fact.

If everyone waited until the timing was right to have a child, the planet would have a serious depopulation problem.  Take your time and really think about what is best for you and whether you can in good conscience have an elective abortion.  Do not deviate from your beliefs or your feelings about a child just because your husband doesn't think the timing is right.  As you've pointed out, the timing wasn't right for his other children, either, yet here they are.  Be true to yourself.  And congratulations on the baby.

While I can understand your urge to rethink this relationship, I can also understand his desire for "not right now." You never discussed this possibility but you weren't unsung any bc or protection? Smh. Recipe for disaster. Bummer.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this emotional drama. I had a rebound marriage after my 1st one went up in flames and ms. fertile myrtle here got pregnant right away. My then husband wanted me to have an abortion because I already had kids and he really didn't want his own. Like you I told him that if I terminated the pregnancy there was no way I could look at his face everyday. I stayed, had our child and a few years later the marriage ended.  

Knowing what I know now I wish I had just left the bass tard when he asked me to get an abortion.  I could have raised the baby on my own and never had to deal with him again.  Now we have a very contentious *co-parenting* relationship and our kid is treated more like a pawn than a child. It's miserable co parenting with him.  I now truly understand why women leave men and never tell them about the child. Horrible I know but I often fantasize about building a time machine and doing just that!

Consider your decision as a solo woman.

Re-read your posts over the last year.  Think of the conflict, the mismatched values & priorities ... and make the best decision you know how without fantasy or wishful-thinking.

Consider this decision as a solo adult woman.

I have to strongly disagree with the idea that you should be solely financially responsible if you keep the baby.  I could go on a long diatribe as to why, but that isn’t the point of this thread.  Just don’t let anyone tell you that financially this is your issue alone.

i hope you find the strength and wisdom to make the best decision for YOU, whatever that decision might be.

I'm sorry that you are having to deal with such conflicting emotions.  As others have said, you should do the right thing for YOU.. and the baby you are carrying.  Yeah, a baby complicates things and takes resources, but I really have a feeling that if you DO have an abortion that you would resent him forever for taking away your chance to have a child of your own while you are forced to help him raise two of his.  In fact, it would likely be a death nail in that relationship coffin.

In the grand scheme of things, you have a lot going on... I might suggest that you try to look at your current situation and make some adjustments.  I don't know that buying a home when your DH appears to want to go back to school is great timing.  Perhaps renting something more modest... especially if he is interested in going back to school.  And.. the school thing.  He can go part time.  It may take longer, but in the end, he will still be able to get his degree.  Rome wasn't built in a day. 

I would give him the benefit of the doubt that his worry got put into overdrive.  But, I might tell him that you are inclined to WANT and have this child whether he is on board or not.  That you understand his fears but that if you both work together, it can work out.  Your situation with him is not the same as with his EX and that you don't want to resent him for the rest of your life for taking this chance at motherhood away from you.

There is NEVER going to be an ideal time to have a baby... NEVER. There's always going to be something else you wanted to do, but can't, a lack of space, time, finances, etc. And it may be a struggle.

If unprotected sex is happening, getting pregnant is ALWAYS going to be a risk, whether you're ready for it or not. Personally I'm not a big fan of aboriton unless the mom's life is at risk, in cases of rape, or other special circumstances. Becuase even if you're not ready, it's a product of your own choices... BUT I could also see why it would be an overly stressful time for you and your SO...

I get feeling the resentment towards him having the first two. My DH got BM preggo in high school too... (she planned it because she wanted the benefits of the military...) And there are totally some days where i just sit there frustrated as heck that I'm having to deal with a psycho becuase he didn't know better than to stay away from crazy. But what happened is done. And there's nothing we can do to change their past. So as frustrating as it may be, you can't let that bother you or waive your decisions. You just have to accept it and then live YOUR life.

I agree that things such as abortions should be a COUPLE decision, that's huge. So while I'm not a big fan of them, if it's going to happen, I think both sides need to be in agreeance of the situation to avoid resentment. You clearly don't seem to want the abortion, so honestly... I wouldn't suggest you get it... If the relationship doens't work out, then I can only imagine the resentment and pain not having your child simply because he didn't think the timing was good. I know I wouldn't be able to live with that decision, and it would definitely wreck my marriage and prevent me from being around the skids... That would be upsetting. Raising these kids, but not being able to have the one you were pregnant with.

This is a huge deciision, give it some thought. However your SO needs to put some real thought into this too. Him and his "two stepdads" s***. Kid won't have another stepdad if your SO is planning on sticking around... So that seems like an extremely arrogant statement to me... I get it, kids with parents in two homes, that's a rough situation, especially when BM (orBF) is whack and causing issues and drama, that can be SUPER hard to watch any kid go through. I know I HATE watching my skids suffer because of BM... But I just don't know if that's ever going to be a good enough reason to abort... Is he just planning on never having any other kids? Becuase maybe that should have been discussed and throught through BEFORE having unprotected sex... Or he could have gotten snipped... 

Only point, you need to think through this and do what's best for you. You got this

I just have to say that your DH is not being selfish for wanting to finish school before having yet another child due to an "unplanned" pregnancy. Although in my view this was completely planned because no prevention was used. 

OP, you said you would have aborted if you were still in school, but it's wrong for him to want to consider it under the same circumstances? Who is being selfish? 

I don't like all of this advice that tells you to ignore his feelings and to only think about yourself. That kind of thinking is the No. 1 reason some of us have stepkids.  

I had an abortion in my early 20s because it was not the right time. I discussed having a kid with my DH and we waited until we were both fully on board. That meant I had to wait three years longer than I wanted to wait because my DH wanted to be done with college. I don't regret any of it.

I don't understand why you and so many others think his reaction is so wrong. Not every pregnancy is exciting and a blessing. If he is struggling to care for the kids he already has, why would he be excited and positive about adding another one right now?

So sorry you are having to go through this.  I look at it this way... either way your SO has royally fucked this whole thing up. So you have an abortion because that's what HE wants and you will resent him and his kids for a very long time, if not the rest of your life.  So you have the baby and stay together, how can you look at your sweet child every day knowing the things that your SO has said, knowing what he wanted?? 

I'm sorry but he is a selfish prick.  Like you said, it was no problem for him to knock up BM, not once, but twice.  did he ever ask HER to have an abortion??  You need to do what YOU feel is right in your heart, only YOU know your heart. 

I'm just going to put this out there.... you say that your relationship has already been stormy and your SO then says things like the "2 step dads" comment, which makes me think he does not see you two together in the future.  So please don't base your decision on what he wants or what MIGHT keep this relationship going, because that light does not seem to be burning very brightly.