My 5 yr old step-son doesn't like to visit his mother and returns from visits from her with atrocious behavior. I wish we could cut off all contact with her and just move away!!
The BM, an ex girlfriend, fills him with ideas that I am evil, tells my 5 yr old son that his mom hates him (they're not even acquainted!) and enough examples to fill a novel, or just about every gripe you can find on this blog. He says his mom constantly yells at her current husband, has witnessed a physical fight, and states that he thinks his mom has the devil in her heart. She has an extensive history of drug abuse, violence, and constantly texts my husband ranting about receiving more parent time. Problem is, if we bring up anything he has said to her for course correction... he gets into trouble at the next visit, and she denies all claims. He gets sent to his room if he even speaks of our family. In the meantime... we are being accused of robbing her of her rights because she states her son tells her he wants more time with her. I do believe he says this to her as he has become a master manipulator at such a tender age. He has mentioned that she has coached him to tell his Dad he wants more mommy-time and states; "maybe just a little". I know this isn't the way he feels as he misbehaves and sighs when he knows he has to go for a visit. He does love her, but has often said; "I think I 'picked' the wrong mommy".
I don't know what to do about it. How to establish that we are not withholding time based on our attempts to be mean, but that he truly doesnt want more time, nor is it beneficial for him. She thinks we badmouth her, coach him, and laugh about our control behind her back but this is simply not true (though believe me I'd love to!). My husband journals things his son says or witnesses (at my request), but he refuses to get a third party (counselor/psychiatrist) involved because a parent time coordinator said the 'stigma' follows the child around. I am truly afraid she will try to take us back to court and lie, cheat, manipulate her way through as she's always done (claiming she's changed now) to gain more time.
Every other weekend and four hour, weekly dates is enough for her to cause confusion and chaos in this troubled boys little mind. We have full, sole custody and she doesn't pay anything, or contribute to his activities or care. Surely the courts would laugh at her attempts to gain more time. Any advice on how to handle her irrationality and blatant denial appreciated.