Not sure what’s normal
Hi, this is my first post on here so I'm not sure how to even start. Anyway, this weekend we dropped my Two step sons 12&6 and my bio daughter 2 off at my baby daddy (boyfriend too) aunt and uncles house. When we were on our way back my SS(12) texted me saying that my 6 year old did something bad to my 2 year old. When we got there, my SS12 said that he went to the bathroom and when he came out my Daughters pants were down and my ss6 was really close to her and when he saw my ss 12 he started panicking and my ss12 asked him why my daughters pants were down. My ss 6 said he asked my daughter to take her pants off but of course didn't give a reason and started saying "please don't tell! Please don't tell"... my Baby daddy and i asked him some more questions and asked him if he asked her to take her pants off and he said yes. We asked him if he touched her private area (we use the actual terms) and he said yes. I asked him to point to where he touched her on a doll and he pointed to the dolls area between her legs. He has never shown any curiosity toward her in that way before. He had an incident last year at school where he forced another boy to take his pants off and made all the other kids point and laugh at him. Other than that, there's been nothing else. We asked if he's done it before and he said no. We asked if anyone has ever touched him and he said no. We asked who showed him that and he said no one. So i guess I'm just not sure, is this an isolated thing? Is this normal? Should i be concerned? I'm very concerned but am i overreacting? It's been so hard to get past this. I'm having a hard time being around him. He has behavior issues at school... and he's very manipulative when he gets in trouble he tells me I'm getting him in trouble just because we don't like him. Which is not true.
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This is not normal. All kids
This is not normal. All kids develop curiosity around private parts, but SS is too old for that developmental stage. The fact that he asked DD to remove her pants, but prefaced it with "please don't tell" makes me believe that SS6 may have been sexually abused at some point. Usually kids who exhibit this type of behavior have been victims of this behavior themselves. I recommend getting SS into therapy.
I agree
I thought he was a bit too old and he didn't tell her not to tell but he did tell his brother not to tell. But, i agree. I am looking into therapy. His dad thinks it's an isolated incident and that he's just curious but he knew it was wrong considering he was panicking.
How can this be an isolated
How can this be an isolated incident if he previously forced another child to take off his pants? If this was the only incident, I might reluctantly agree, but it's not.
SS needs help, and your child should NEVER be alone with him.
Don't take any abuse lightly
Thirteen years ago today my BS5 (then) disclosed to me that his half brother SS13 (then) molested him. We reported it & it came out that BS was victim #7 (3 are his half siblings). It also came out as a side note that SS had been molested by his neighbor at his BM's house. We were told that SS was told by his abuser to "go do this to others"... This is why there is 5 years & 7 victims (that we know of) between SS's alleged abuse & disclosure. With the person/people who may have done this to SS never being held accountable.
We will never know the actual truth because SS only knows how to lie nowadays & his BM allegedly knew & covered up what happened to SS... To the detriment of all parties involved, including SS, all the victims, & all the families involved.
Not normal
Get cameras. Dont ever let the SS be alone with your bio.WOW. Poor kiddo.
You need to protect your daughter, especially since
You need to protect your daughter, especially since your SO doesn't seem to think this was serious. SS has done this twice, and he knew it was wrong because he asked his brother not to tell. Not only should SS not be alone with your DD, he should not be alone with any other younger children.
He needs an experienced therapist who can figure out if he has been abused. You and DH should quit asking him anything and let an expert do it.
Time for the kid to go to a single kid home.
You can't trust him near your 2yo.
Show me yours and I'll show you mine is not abnormal between 6yo kids but a 6yo molesting a 2yo is not tolerable nor is it responsible parenting to continue to put the 2yo at risk.
Call the police. NOW!
Like the others said- this is
Like the others said- this is not normal. You can't leave them alone together and you need to set up cameras in your home and especially in your daughters bedroom.
You need to call a counselor and immediately have him brought in. You may want to report this to CPS as well. Your daughter was abused. She is young and it seems like nothing "really" happened and she is too young to remember this- she will be fine. HOWEVER, if you don't take all the steps to keep her protected she is going to become a victim of something terrible.
You call him your baby daddy. Not husband or even Fiancee. So he is a boyfriend and there is no legal ties between the two of you. I would honestly move out and take my daughter. I would make sure everything is documented and use it in court to make sure that SS is never around your daughter at all- ever. Your BD can see your child together when SS's are at their mothers or some other place.
I would also make sure that you inform BM of this immediately so that she can make sure that she is taking proper precautions with other children that may be in her home. The other factor is that someone may be abusing your SS. That doesn't excuse his behavior but it would help explain it. My same stance on moving out stands, but BM may have a predator in her home and she doesn't know.
Thank you
Thank you all so much for your advice and comments. He is going to therapy.
His mother lives out of state, but we are going to be setting up cameras and he will never be alone with my daughter ever again. i say his mom lives out of state to say that he doesn't go back and forth often.
I have expressed that we will also not be leaving the kids alone at their aunts for any date nights or anything of the sort. I no longer trust my SS.
this is my boyfriend (bd) and is bio daughter.
my bd does not believe his son was abused or that this is abnormal, he thinks my oldest ss freaked out so that's why he freaked out.
As far as "touching" i was not there so i don't know what happened. But that's enough for me. To know he put his hand there and pulled her pants down. I do not take it lightly by any means.
I agree that he knew it was wrong and i am not going to save my relationship and put my daughter in harms way. I do not have the means to move out but I am saving up as we speak and have not let my daughter out of my sight. I agree that it is not an isolated incident.
thank you all again.
I'm glad you are going to
I'm glad you are going to make a plan. The fact that your BF is sweeping under the rug is the biggest red flag in the world. I know that no one wants to think that it could happen under their roof but with as much as he wants to ignore this, and the fact that he is the primary custodial parent... do you think he could have crossed any lines with SS? I don't want you to feel the need to defend him, no one here knows you or him or anything more than you have shared. Maybe just think about behaviors and see if there is even a possibility.
I would still get this documented by your daughters pediatrician at a minimum. They are a mandatory reporter so there is going to be a record and if you do leave him, you are going to want that to be officially documented. Your BF will also be required to pay CS. So keep that in mind, he is going to be financially responsible for your daughter too.