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  • My blood is boiling right now. SD just told DH that BM reads her all of the emails from him.

My blood is boiling right now. SD just told DH that BM reads her all of the emails from him.

Gigi82's picture

Submitted by Gigi82 on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 12:43pm

5 days into our summer visitation with SD7 and the shit has already hit the fan. The minute that BM realized that she couldn't be 100% in control she flipped out. DH has already received 2 nasty emails, criticizing his parenting skills, and accusing him of stealing the charger to the stupid phone that she insisted their 7 year old needed for her visit. Why the hell would he steal or hide a charger? If he were going to steal or hide something it would be that freaking phone! He wrote her back, almost begging her to back off of SD and to quit with the multiple guilt trips on the phone while she was here with us. She is constantly talking shit about him to his child, telling SD things that she should never have to hear. Both she and ex MIL have yelled at him multiple times in front of SD, and all he ever does is walk away because he doesn’t want his child in the middle of it. They yell at him about his parenting, but mainly about money. Both of them have yelled at him in front of SD about his place of employment. The $500 a month that he has paid on time for 5 years is not enough in their opinion, so they berate him for not having a better job and not paying more for SD7 in front of the child! He has never missed a child support payment, and also spends a lot of money traveling 20 hours round trip every other weekend to see SD.

DH grew up with his parents constantly fighting and putting him in the middle of their childish war, because of that he tries really hard not to let his resentment for BM show in front of his daughter. He never talks down about BM to SD, even when she repeats the fucked up things that her mother has been telling her. The bitch has told SD that her dad murdered the puppy that passed away when she was a baby, that he divorced her because he didn’t want a family anymore, and that he was abusive and might hurt her. The list goes on and on, and there is never any truth to what she tells SD. Whenever we all have a good time together, the alienation increases. Today SD tells DH that every time BM gets an email she reads it to SD aloud. Who the fuck reads emails regarding custody cases to their 7 year old? Why is she putting a little girl in the middle of all of this?

Comments

overit2's picture

Submitted by overit2 on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 12:51pm

Because she's a sicko and pas'inator....and will RUIN the relationship.

What a greedy, selfish immature witch. I think this kind of thing would warrant a visit to the courts honestly.

LOL-I receive $500 for TWO children and make it work. It's not a lot but for one child? And she's complaining? Your poor DH...I heard the book Divorce Poison is good.

I knwo the feeling, bm pas's SD against her dad all the time also.

Gigi82's picture

Submitted by Gigi82 on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 1:42pm

It's already ruining the relationship. SD very clearly has no respect for her father. She respects me, and listens to me, but her disdain for him is evident. I have read Divorce Poison probably 10 times already. It's a great book and helped educate me about PA, but I still haven't figured out how to stop it. I left a message for DH's lawyer today, for her to call him back. Reading the emails to SD is going way too far, it's surprising even for the psycho we are dealing with.

VioletsareBlue's picture

Submitted by VioletsareBlue on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 1:37pm

I wish we knew what the Orc says to SD6. SD6 clams up whenever we ask her how her time with the Orc was. She gives very "on the surface" answers. I hope the Orc is not a PASinator, but it's possible.
We KNOW that when SD15 was still seeing the Orc that negative stuff was said, but we don't know now.

Gigi82's picture

Submitted by Gigi82 on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 1:50pm

SD also does the same a lot when answering questions about BM. We try not to ask many, but we can tell when she is hiding something or has been instructed not to tell us anything about her mother. SD is really comfortable with me though, and often lets it slip things that BM has told her about DH. It's a given that BM was always talk crap about DH. I had no idea that personal emails were being read like bedtime stories though!

Dory's picture

Submitted by Dory on Fri, 07/22/2011 - 3:54am

We found ourselves in this situation many years ago too. My skids are now adults. I think the worst similar thing our BM did was show SS(11 at the time) a letter written by DH recommending/requesting that SS go into therapy, with a sentence at the end "I trust you will keep the contents of this letter to yourself". There was nothing derogatory in the letter. Of course, BM showed the letter to SS and said: "see what your father thinks of you?!?!". What right-minded parent would do that?!?! As for not knowing how to stop the Parental Alienation, I'm not sure that you can - it's coming from BM, it's outside your area of control.

Right now DH and SS have a very conflictual relationship and in a fairly recent exchange SS threw in the comment: "let's see whose side a psychologist would take now". I'm not sure our BM is aware of the long-term damage she has caused - to all of us. It's so terrible.

The most galling thing of all is that she has moved on with her life and probably doesn't dwell too much on her poisonous input of years ago, but she's left her children (now adults) sitting in the toxic quagmire. BM also discussed way too many "adult" subjects with skids, sometimes related to us, sometimes just related to her own life. Skids today LOVE BM - she is the B E S T!

Taking the high road got us nowhere! I've also got Divorce Poison but haven't read it yet - skids are adults, I haven't seen them for years, but I know that it will be an interesting read. I don't know when you bought your copy but the edition I have claims to give tips on how to combat PAS. Clearly you can't stop it but it's important to address it and try to counteract it.

My husband has many regrets about how he handled things in the past when perhaps he still had a chance to correct things when skids were little. They're adults now and they will not hear a word against BM. DH has told skids that BM put them in the middle and used them as pawns. They acknowledge that, as they acknowledge other BM midemeanours, but they seem to able to get over BM's faults, but not so much DH's. It's very unfair and imbalanced.

Gigi82's picture

Submitted by Gigi82 on Fri, 07/22/2011 - 2:38pm

I still can't believe that she would have the audacity to show a child the emails, and that your BM would show SS a letter like that. These poor kids, how could their mothers not realizing how they are causing long term damage to them mentally? Divorce Poison does offer a lot of tips to combat PAS, they just haven't worked for us yet. We make sure to never talk badly about BM in front of SD, and to not get upset when she tells us something terrible that BM has said about us. We have sent BM articles about Parental Alienation and it's harmful effects on children, hoping that she would realize that was she was doing was hurting her child. No reply ever, and the PAS just got worse.

SD told DH last night that her mom has "thousands of court papers that show he's bad". Not true, and I guarantee that she doesn't have proof of any of her claims against DH, while he has loads of proof showing that she is a manipulative liar. Never in a million years would he have dreamed of talking to SD about that, no matter how much BM has done to him.