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BM playing her own game of disengaging, how do we deal with this?

Gigi82's picture

BM is pathological liar, who has consistently popped up over the years to torture us, even though she has claimed that she is frightened of DH. She has relentlessly stalked me on the internet, finding me on social networking pages even after I had blocked her, sending me messages and emails, sometimes even devoting whole web pages to me. She has told lie after lie about DH, claiming he is abusive and a threat to her life, when this guy wouldn’t even hurt a fly. She’s put her children (one from DH, one from the man she cheated on him with) in the middle of everything, telling them horrible things about DH, myself and the other Dad and SM. She claimed under oath that her daughter was traumatized by having to spend time with her father and me, and that she was in intensive counseling. Later it was revealed that the child has never seen a counselor in her life, though I think she should be. We have urged her many times to just chill out and quit the drama for the children’s sake but the narcissist couldn’t live without the attention and had to make her presence known daily.

Now all of a sudden after being caught in lies,she is disengaged completely. Her mother handles all of the drop offs and pickups of SD7. DH was so thankful for this in the beginning since he didn’t have to see or speak to her, but now it has become a problem. She doesn't call anymore when SD7 is with us, she insists that the child remember to call her before bed. DH has contacted her multiple times about the summer schedule, so he will know what day he can pick up SD7 for the half that she will spend with us. We live 600 miles away and we need to coordinate our work schedules so we will have as much time off as possible to spend with SD, as well as arrange for child care for the days that we will have to be away from her. I want to find a nice summer day camp for her to go to for a few weeks, but if we wait until last minute that won’t be possible. Also, several months worth of emails and phone calls from lawyer to lawyer have been made regarding Father’s Day this weekend. She of course has not responded. We travel through 3 states to see SD every other weekend. This is not our weekend but he is able to have her on Father’s Day. We wanted to switch to this Saturday instead of next weekend so we weren’t making 3 weekend trips in a row and could just see her the whole weekend. For those who might think we are crazy for traveling that much, he was kept from his daughter in a horrible custody battle for several years. This will be the first Father’s Day he has had with his child since she was 2 and it means a lot to him.

No matter how much we can’t stand this woman, they are both going to have to be mature enough to speak to each other occasionally concerning matters of their child. What can we do to make her see that? I know she is just screwing with us now because DH finally got through to the courts about her lies and manipulative behavior, but in the end it will only end up hurting SD more. She would flip out if we were to do this to her while SD is here in the summer!

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Gigi82's picture

That is a good point MazzyStar, unfortunately he has already tried that. The mother informed him that he would just have to wait until BM is ready to communicate with him about it. That conversation was a few weeks ago, and still nothing. She doesn't even respond to her lawyers attempts to contact her about it, we don't know what to do anymore.