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SS7 is wetting his pants-Any suggestions on how to handle?

Frustrated New Wife's picture

Submitted by Frustrated New Wife on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 7:46pm

Me and DH went home for Christmas and DH noticed that SS7 smelled of urine so he checked his pants and sure enough he had peed in his pants. DH told SS that he needed to stop being lazy and go to the bathroom. DH told me this and I told him that maybe there was something else to it and that he should ask SS about it instead of just assuming that he was still lazy. So the next day DH asked SS about it and SS said that he just didn't make it to the toilet in time. DH explained to him that as soon as he felt the urge he needed to go to the bathroom immediately instead of holding it in until the last minute. So, that was the end of that. DH didn't feel the need to mention to BM because he thought it was a one occurence.

Fast forward to today...

DH calls to talk to SS and BM picks up the phone. She says that SS has peed in his pants a few months ago (before we visited) and that he has started to pee in his pants again. SS will not mention that he has peed in his pants, he will just walk around until someone notices it. DH told BM about our experience and she said she doesn't know what to do. She has tried talking to him about (as DH has), but SS seems to be going along with what everyone else says. For instance, DH: "SS did you pee in your pats because you were playing and you didn't want to stop?" SS: "Yes". BM: "SS did you pee in your pans because you were afraid to tell your tracher you had to go to the bathroom?" SS: "Yes". I guess BM is going to take him to their family doctor to make sure there isn't something medically wrong with him. I suggested that if there is nothing medically worng with him maybe counseling. The reason I mention counseling is because he has had a lot of changes this past year. DH moved out of state for his job and hasn't seem him nearly as much as he used too (He used to see him every other weekend), BM just had a new baby, DH married me, etc so maybe it is effecting him? I don't know. Do you guys have any suggestions?

Comments

Nette5's picture

Submitted by Nette5 on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 8:03pm

Lots of big changes can cause stress for these little guys that we don't understand. I suggest counseling. I also recommend not asking 'leading' questions like: Did you pee because... as it gives SS a way out without being responsible. Try: What was going on when you peed? Where were you? Who were you with? What were you doing? Then you can kind of figure out what is making him 'too busy' to go potty.

Horror story from me: My BS (then 5) started to pee and poop in his pants and no wiping when he did get to the potty. Never said a word and we continued to talk to him about it. Come to find out that he was being sexually abused. Taking care of those issues helped BS get over the peeing and pooping. Then when he gets in a stressful situation, he relapses a little, we talk about it, get him help if he needs it, and we work through it.

I'm still wondering if your situation is more stress related than my situation and a counselor will still be able to help him.

Frustrated New Wife's picture

Submitted by Frustrated New Wife on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 8:56pm

Thank you Nette! Yeah, I was thinking counseling too. I don't know if BM will go for it, she might though.

OMG for your BS! How terrible! I sure hope that isn't going on with SS, but even if it isn't I think counseling is a good idea. SS7 could be conflicted, of course, over all the big changes. I have also heard (cannot be confirmed as this came from MIL) that BM gives SS a lot of responsiblity when helping take care of his sisters because his step-dad is working a lot. Now, I'm not saying this what it is, but I would like for SS to get counseling just to make sure and plus I think it will do him some good to talk about his feelings about the divorce (even though he was 3 when BM and DH divorced) and his new stepparents.

Thank you for alternative questions to ask as this will definitely put an end to SS avoiding to his feelings and the REAL reason why this is going on.

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 9:22pm

I would suggest taking him to a pediatrician. There could be any number of issues attributing to his incontinence. E.g, bladder or urinary tract infection, small bladder capacity, believe it or not persistent constipation. Of course it may not be any of these things but a medical professional can rule them out. Also, if medical reasons are ruled out, the pediatrician will recommend things such as counseling. Should you seek out a therapist first, they are going to recommend the same thing and you will endup at the pedi's office anyway.

Frustrated New Wife's picture

Submitted by Frustrated New Wife on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 9:29pm

Poisonivy, that is exactly what I told DH so that is why BM is going to take SS to their doctor before considering counseling. That was my suggestion anyway. Thanks so much for your advice.

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 10:37pm

My ss started doing this when he was 8. His was psychological in nature. One morning, he walked out the door to wait for the bus walked straight to the cat's litter box and urinated in it. I thought this was odd. He happened to have a psychiatrist appt that day (he was being treated for adhd and other emotional issues)and I just happened to mention it-not really as a major concern but simply because it was a little odd. Well from that day forward, ss began to urinate in his pants daily. He would wet his pants at school and sit around in it all day, he did it at home, at baseball practice, and church. Wherever. It didnt matter that he had access to a bathroom and he was exactly like your skid-he didnt even bother to change when he could. He developed a "diaper rash". I was at the point where I was going to start sending him to school in pullups at age 8. This behavior continued for about 3 months. Then stopped as abruptly as it started. But we also did the same thing u did-tried to figure out why? Finally we just started putting him in a pullup when we went places (like on a 12 hr car trip) and then ignored it otherwise and it stopped. He had nothing unusual going on at the time-no significant stressors that were new-just sort of an attention thing.

Frustrated New Wife's picture

Submitted by Frustrated New Wife on Fri, 01/14/2011 - 12:28am

Hmmm...that is interesting. I wonder what in the world makes them do that? I know it could be for attention reasons, but geez there are better ways than urinating in your clothes and sitting in them ALL day?!?

I know he has been through a lot this past year, but I really don't want it to get to the point where the kids at his school start picking on him because we all know how cruel kids can be. I am also worried that he is internalizing these stressors instead of expressing them to his parents.

I hope it abruptly stops and soon. Thank you so much for your story. It is comforting knowing that it isn't just my SS and that it can just as easily stop. Just keeping my fingers crossed that there aren't any major underlying issues there. He doesn't really act out in any other way (with us that is, not real sure at BM's).

Thanks again!