Free weekend!
I am so sorry I haven't been posting in a while. I am sure everyone is wondering what happened to me. Lol, Just kidding.
So here is what has been going on with yours truly. First, my family has a holiday baking day every year. This year, my best friend and stepdaughter11 joined in. While I was washing the dishes my stepdaughter was standing beside me easedropping into my conversation with my best friend. I was telling my best friend that I won a 100 dollar victoria secret card and my husband is taking it to buy me some stuff. So I jokingly said, "So it is like he is buying me presents with my money!" It was a joke. I had given him the card thinking it was a 10 dollar card.
My SD decided to put in her ten cents and say, "So, everything that you bought him was with his money!" Even if that was true, which it wasn't, that was very rude and made me really mad. I breathed in and counted to ten and said, "I have a savings account with my own money in it that I have saved before I started school. I had used that money to buy Christmas presents." And then let it go. Isn't everyone proud of me?? I really just wanted to smack her.
Days have gotten a lot better from my last melt down. I just stay in my room when she gets home from school and don't come out until it is time to cook, then go back until my room until she is either watching tv in her room or went to bed. Not healthy I know, but I don't need to be having melt downs every time she breaths.
My husband and I are having a SD-free weekend this weekend. YAY!!! This is our first one since September 1. My SD put up a fight about it, but I WON!! She is going to my mom's house this weekend. So excited. When my aunt asked me what I was going to be doing, I said, "Have morning sex as loud as I want and
walk around the house naked!!" That is exactly what I plan on doing too.
On a more serious note, my husband and I decided it would be a good idea if I started going to conceling. Not to learn how to bond, be a stepmother or anything like that, it is just that I have so much pent up anger about the expectations I have on me from everyone besides my husband, a lot of resentment for SD for asking me to be something I can't be, and for being here all the time so I can't be with my husband and do the things I want to him, and also a lot of disappointment in myself for failure to meet these really high expectations to be able to love, bond with, and cherish SD like my own. I think if I can some how at least manage these issues then maybe I won't feel the need to hide from her every time she comes around.
My husband and I are also trying to have a baby. I think it would be a good idea to get all of the above under control before pregnancy hormones make them that much worse. What do you stepmom's think? Is it is a good idea?
Thanks as always for listening to my rants. 
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Comments
You fell into the stepmommy
You fell into the stepmommy trap, where you try so hard to bond and be loving and kind, only to have them treat you like dog crap on their shoes. It is painful. Counseling is a good idea. Nobody can relate to you unless they've walked in your shoes, that's why you are so stressed out. SD isn't your child, you aren't going to bond with her or love her like you will your own. She won't love you like she does her own mother. It is just human nature and if DH allows her to behave badly towards you (don't forget he has a big part in this), then the odds of you ever having a positive relationship with skids are almost zero.
I think disengaging is the only way to go. It really does help to let DH know he needs to parent his children. Don't hide and don't allow her to suck you into her drama triangle. Don't go out of your way for her. Don't stoop to her level. You can't change other people, you can only change your reaction to them.
Maybe it would be good to wait for awhile before getting preggers. You won't need any extra stress on yourself and SM's pregnancy will bring out the worst in skids and BMs.
I hope your weekend is a great one!
My husband does discipline
My husband does discipline his daughter. I told him when we got married that I wasn't going to do it. And I don't think it is so much her behavior is so bad, it is just that she acts like a typical 11 year old and I don't have the patience for it.
I know it is a good idea to wait to get pregnant, but I really want a baby, so does my husband, my religion, my family etc... So even if I thought with my brain (which my biological clock won't let me) I will also have a lot of pressure from a lot of over things. So I have decided to go to therapy through out the pregnancy and hope that helps.