I dont want to be a step parent.
It is so hard being a step parent and a biological parent. My BK live with us full time. Therefore the have rules, chores, set bedtimes, and certain expectations. Today I fine out that the SK who have told us for nearly a year that they want to be with us and not their mom told their dad this morning that they don't want to be here anymore. They don't like our rules, they don't like having to help with chores and they especially don't like having a set bed time. Apparently they no longer have any of these at BM home. I give and give and give. There is little thanks, little appreciation. what I get are three sk who don want to be here, and three BK who are getting frustrated that they have to do all the chores. What do I do? I love him but the kids tearing us apart.
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omg tommar i totally must
omg tommar i totally must steal this "and people in hell want ice water"!!!!!!
dh always says : "want" in one hand, "shit" in the other - see which one fills up first.
This. Your kids will learn
This. Your kids will learn that life isn't fair, sooner than later, and they will accept it.... Just like you accept that sometimes you have to work with lazy people. You're teaching them an awesome work ethic before they even start work... and really It is such a relief when you give up worrying about what skids are doing, and mind your own...
That being said, I make sure my kiddos are rewarded for doing extra chores, eating vegetables when their sister throws hers away, and going to bed on time, and doubly rewarded for having to clean up after skid. I emphasize that they are doing the right thing and they will become better people for it.
That was my dad's go to
That was my dad's go to phrase when I said I wanted something growing up.
Send the skids back to their
Send the skids back to their moms. If that were a viable option for dh, bet your sweet ass I would send osd to her mother in less than a heartbeat.
Perhaps the stepkids should
Perhaps the stepkids should go back to the moms and just visit the dad.
At the end of the day, there are no good answers. It simply sucks.
Stepparenting is a thankless
Stepparenting is a thankless job...I knew that going in this second time around but it really struck home recently.
I raised my Prior SD from a young age. Her BM was in an out of her life (mostly out). Maybe saw her 4 years out of the past 12 years.
SD eventually grew up, had a child and go figure BM comes back into the picture and wants to be GOTY!!!
I have not heard anything from SD since she moved away to live near the woman that was so unfit she dropped her off at our doorstep and
didn't look back. Now SD doesn't have enough room in her life for BM and me (her choice).
I am tired of fighting to be in someones life that clearly isn't interested so therefore I let go...I let go of SD and her drama, my precious grandbaby and all of it.
It breaks my heart but my sanity and feelings matter too. Maybe one day she will come back around but it will never be the same again.
I wish her the best and that is all.
This is probably one reason I have failed to bond with my SS's...that and the fact their BM has made it nearly impossible.
I'm so sorry to hear that you
I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your grand baby. I'm going through the beginning of letting go with my osdstb17. She doesn't want family, she wants staff. It's hard because she and I have gotten close; like someone on here said though, nature wins out every time. Every. Time.
Step-parenting is a special kind of hell and not for the faint of heart. I've learned that the hard way in a very short amount of time.
That is the truly difficult
That is the truly difficult part in this. I love that child with every ounce of my being. My SD could be difficult at times and seemed to only want me around lately when she needed something but my Grandbaby just loved me for me. I miss him terribly but one day I hope to see him again. They moved several hours away so it isn't like I will run into him anywhere. I just hope he remembers how loved he was/ is.
I hope so for you too. I feel
I hope so for you too. I feel the same way about my osd as far as only being around when she wants something from me. It's astounding how callous she can be - even for a teen. I've often said that she doesn't want family, she wants staff.
It's a case of the grass is
It's a case of the grass is greener at mom's house. I have been there and done that.
If they do move out an intend to live at BM's permanently do not allow them to come back. You will be dealing with a revolving door for skids. My SD moved out 3 years ago and it was the best day of my life.
My own son wanted nothing more than to live with his dad. I warned him before he left that if things didn't work out with dad he wouldn't be coming back to live with me ever again. Not a threat or a guilt trip, just plain facts. About 6 months later he was crying, begging to come home and still to this day he asks to come back and I won't let him. He's welcome to visit anytime but he's not living with me again.
I think it's a valuable lesson to kids that you can't run away from things you don't like. Kids need to learn to adapt and to adjust. It can't always be rainbows and glitter.
Send them packing back to
Send them packing back to their mothers and make sure that this is the decision that they are willing to make PERMANENTLY. That you will not have them uproot your household again in 7 months when they decide they don't like it at BMs. This ability for skids to "choose" where they want to live is ridiculous. I mean if my BS5 doesn't like my rules and regulations just where is he going to run off to? He's not, he's going to learn to follow schedules, rules, etc. like normal people.
Do not negotiate with terrorists as that is what this is. As long as BM is not a pirate hooker or drug dealer, send them on their way.
He sent SK to his parents
He sent SK to his parents place to put a little sense into them. How this will possibly work I have no idea. The way I see it the kids just got rewarded for their behaviours and desire to go back to BM. mean while mine are still here at home doing the chores and following/respecting the home rules.