You are here

Well, that escalated quickly...

fedupstep's picture

SD16 snapped on DH during a phone call about her piss poor grades. She told him that 'my mom doesn't give a fuck about what you think so why should I?' Since then, DH has obviously been upset and has gone so far as to tell me he really didn't want her here this weekend.

He went to pick her up and when they arrived, DH told her to take her bags to her room. She told him she would do it later. DH repeated the request and SD16 ignored him. He told her she will no longer have her cell phone on her visits with us...she can call or text her mom in the morning and before she goes to bed, but he will no longer spend EOWE completing with an electronic. She had a full on melt down and told DH he had no right to take her phone from her. I told her she didn't make the rules in this house and to watch her tone. She lipped off to me (for the first time in front of DH! Finally!) and he ripped hard into her. She sobbed hysterically that she wanted to go home. DH tossed the phone at her and told her to call her mom. SD16 looked shocked and stalled calling for almost 3 bloody hours. I watched my husband cry at her complete lack of caring. All she said over and over was, 'give me my damn phone'.

BM arrived around 11pm and DH told both of them SD16 is not coming back under her attitude changes. It's a bittersweet victory. DH finally found his spine, but not is forced to see how truly selfish and narcissistic this monster has become. She gets to go home and I will be left to deal with him being upset and shutting down emotionally for the next few days.

I think I just heard him crack open his 2nd beer in 30 minutes...going to be a long night.

Comments

Monchichi's picture

Please touch base when you get a chance. Thoughts are with so many of you this weekend. Fathers all over are feeling their children's lack of interest.

moeilijk's picture

Agreed HRNYC, but not how you laid it out.

Dad is clearly behaving as though he is powerless. His only tool to help his failing, rude kid is to withhold affection/visits. And he doesn't even explain the scoop to the kid, SM does.

Way too much pressure on the SM. Too bad for whatever the situation is at BM's that the kid is not getting any scholastic or behavioural help, and worse that it's no better at Dad's. At least SM has a clue.

moeilijk's picture

Sorry, tog, I wasn't as clear as I thought in my response to HRNYC's comment above.

She said:
Let me get this straight.

1. She gets poor grades. Mouths off. Dad's response is to tell her not to visit.

2. You explain rules, not dad.

I feel sorry for this girl.

What I was *trying* to say was, I'm sorry for this girl too. Out of pity, not out of empathy or compassion exactly, IYKWIM.

I haven't kept up with the OP's blogs, so I'm unaware of what she's dealing with. But clearly, that she's the one left 'parenting' - explaining the rules - isn't cool. I personally don't have a problem with SM's parenting in general, it's when it's instead of the Dad, like this situation seems to be.

And yes, I think that it is a heartbreaking situation to have to choose between being a consistent parent with expectations for your child, or to have negative contact (or no contact at all). And tbh, I admit that I still try to 'normalize' the severe PAS you and a few others deal with.

I don't envy anyone dealing with a kid in this situation - their own or their skids.

fedupstep's picture

You feel sorry for her? Please allow me to ship her off to you. Perhaps if you read my 20+ blogs on her attitude and behaviour in recent years you won't feel so sorry for her.

fedupstep's picture

HRNYC...this child has held DH as an emotional hostage for years. She dangles her affection over him like a carrot. He has made many mistakes with her and given in to her demands way too many times becauae by the time she waa 13 SHE would threaten to not visit. After years of bad grades and munipulation he had enough when she told him she didn't give a fuck about what he thought. THEN continiued to lip off when she arrived here. She had her temper tantrum and wanted to leave. DH called her bluff. He defended me (and himself). Who wants to spend their weekends with a manipulative brat? She was held accountable for once.

loveandfitness's picture

I'd jump for joy if DH finally told SS to get his sh*T together or don't come back. Glad your DH stood up for himself. Thoughts are with you, hope his grief passes soon.

Sparklelady's picture

Sorry for your DH. Mine just "lost" his son to BM. He keeps reaching out, and it's hard to watch.
On the positive side, happy your DH made this step, very happy for you too. It's amazingly peaceful without skids. And it may only take a week or so for him to feel better - not healed, but better. Men tend to get through these rejection things faster then women. Just be there for him, and don't bring up the skid unless he does first, is my advice.