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Full time vs shared custody?

fedupnow's picture

Submitted by fedupnow on Thu, 06/03/2010 - 1:14pm

I live with my husband of 3 yrs and his kids SS18 and SD14 full time because they chose to live with their dad. BM lives 5 min away but is a no show. She pays no child support based on their divorce agreement. Skids see her once a month if lucky. So I have been the one taking care of them, cooking, cleaning and driving them around all these years. I do not like my Skids and have had a hard time. I often wish we had shared custody so I can have time to myself and be alone with my husband. I resent the BM for having all her freedom and new husband to be alone with. But my DH says its great this way cause we never have to 'deal' with her.

Would you prefer to have full time Skids w/o BM to communicate, see or deal physically, emotionally or financially with?

OR have shared custody- and have to deal with BM on a daily basis, see her, talk to her,...etc?

Comments

lastchance's picture

Submitted by lastchance on Thu, 06/03/2010 - 1:20pm

I would rather we had full custody of SD and that the universe would grant my wish for BM to fall off the face of the earth. SD would be much much much better off with us rather than her two timing, lazy, whore of a mom.

blondie66's picture

Submitted by blondie66 on Thu, 06/03/2010 - 1:29pm

This is one of those "damn if you do..." situations.
We have 50/50 with BM and dealing with it and dealing with her has been hellish to say the least. Whenever I lose it and get in the argument with my DH over BM and/or skids, he likes to finish it off with "you hate my kids". Now, I don't hate them, but I certainly don't like them and don't like taking care of them (b/c they are ungrateful and snotty and wish I was dead etc.), but I can't and won't say that, so I say, no I just hate this 50/50 and dealing with the b!tch and them being brainwashed by her yadayadayada. So, I proceed to say how I wish we had full custody of them and never have to deal with that. I say it and I don't really mean it. Why? You just described why. So that I get to do all the "mommy" stuff without being loved and cherished as a "mommy"? Not even liked? Please. Why? So that BM can have a kid-free life and at the same time being worshiped like the mommy of the century? No, thanks. She already has waaay too much kid-free time at my expense, in my opinion. My DH travels on business a lot so I get to take care of his kids AND mine (I'm a BM, too, but my x is almost non-existent). When will I get a kid-free weekend to enjoy with my DH? Like, never. At the same time, BM tries to twist the schedule to her liking whenever she wants and it's always so that she gets more kid-free time, never the other way around. I sometimes read posts where SM's are complaining how BM's prevent DH's from seeing the kids. Haha. Not in my case. She will use every and any pretext to get rid of them but in a sneaky way so that (she thinks) nobody notices she doesn't really want them around. Ugh.

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Thu, 06/03/2010 - 1:30pm

DH has full custody. I would rather him have shared custody so we could have more time to ourselves.

riekate's picture

Submitted by riekate on Thu, 06/03/2010 - 2:14pm

We have shared custody situation and I am grateful for it. The kids go to their dad's every weekend in the winter and every other weekend for three days in the summer. I love the time to ourselves and look forward to the kids return on Sunday. It is helpful that things are (now) pretty smooth with the BF, it is drama free situation.

CaliStepMomma's picture

Submitted by CaliStepMomma on Thu, 06/03/2010 - 2:27pm

I like our 50/50, but when BM is acting up, I do wish it was full us or full her, though that wouldn't work because my we would miss the kids if we never saw them and never have time to ourselves if we always did.

The perfect solution would be for BM to get a full lobotomy Wink