Grandma was right
My husband has been divorced twice. He has a 14 year old daughter from his first marriage and a 10 year old son from his second marriage. The first marriage was awful and his daughter now has abandondment issues. The second marriage ended in a sad divorce that probably shouldn't have happened (which makes it very hard to accept that wife #2 is a decent person...I would rather hate her). DH and I have been married for 4 years and living together for 9. Even though the kids treat me like family I don't think they would miss me if I were gone. I have had a very hard time accepting them as my family. I come from a VERY tight nit family that has not much history with divorce. My Grandmother told me and DH that we would have a very hard time of it. She said that divorced people with children should be with divorced people with children and people who have never been married or had children should be with people who have never been married or had children. I am stubborn and wouldn't here it. But even though we have made it work, I would NEVER reccommend anyone do the same...Grandma was right.
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I question what the heck I
I question what the heck I was thinking also. I was never married/no kids of my own and DH seems to have endless baggage. It causes a lot of resentmet. Good luck!
I am so relieved that I am
I am so relieved that I am not the only one! Thanks and good luck too!
I'm really glad my DH decided
I'm really glad my DH decided to take us on!
I remarried a man quite a bit younger than I am, who had no kids. I came to the relationship with one child, and a year or so after we married, we had an "ours" baby. We are very happy and DH loves and has treated my child like his own ever since he came into the picture. But then, we are very much on the same page in regards to discipline, education, finances and extra-curricular interests, where our family is concerned. We are equals in this relationship and this family, regardless of biology.
We do not fight each other - we do not cuss or call each other names in any way shape or form. We are able to discuss issues and come to an agreement or a compromise together. We "fight fair." We try to show our children how to have disagreements and still have the ability to love and be kind to the people we love.
I think it is even harder for
I think it is even harder for a woman to marry a man with kids. Everyone expects you to just know what to do when you are a woman. But when you start out with two very hurt children that know and love their moms then there is not much room for you to make errors. I have actually spent the last 9 years afraid my own shadow. Which has made me become more and more stand offish.
I come from the same
I come from the same background as you - very close with no divorce situations. Going into the situation, I thought it would be a lot easier than it is. As someone who hasn't been married before nad has waited to have kids, it does make it difficult to want children with my husband and know that he's already experienced that with someone else. I admit, it is a sore spot and causes some resentment.
Love my FDH with all my
Love my FDH with all my heart, but had I to do it over again, I would have chosen differently. Yes, it would have hurt his feelings, but he would have understood. I don't have kids, am "spayed" so I can't have any, and I never wanted them. Now to deal with FSS8 and BM all the time, its wreaking havoc on my body. I never had blood pressure or anxiety problems with my XH, even though he was verbally abusive and physically absive once. Now I am getting put on anxiety meds, bp is through the roof at least once a week, and I can't even relax at home for fear his phone will chime from her. I will spend every single day loving this man, but I will spend equal amounts of time wishing it were just he and I alone in this world.
Exactly! I am counting down
Exactly! I am counting down the years until they are out of the house. I do love the kids but I also like my space and since THE house is really THEIR house I don't feel like I have much right now. I have heard my own parents say that the real stress begins when your kids move out and I do expect the same with my step kids but I think I will be able to cope better when I have some breathing room.
Another thing hard for a
Another thing hard for a woman dating a man with kids is dealing with the BM. I don't think boyfriend's have as hard a time dealing with an ex-husband?
Agreed
Agreed
If this marraige does not
If this marraige does not work out, I will never blend families again. I might date somone with kids, but I will not cohabitate and subject my kids to adjusting to a new stepdad as well as subject myself to being a stepmom. Stepmothering so far has been the least rewarding, most stressful experience of my life!
Wow that truly said it all
Wow that truly said it all for me. You are the first BM that I have ever heard admit that Stepmothering is less rewarding and stressful than raising your own children. Thank You for your honesty
My DH and I often comment to
My DH and I often comment to each other that had one of us been childless our marriage would never have lasted. The first couple of years we were married both our adult kids (his boy, my girl) were in crazyville. One due to drugs, one due to a horrible relationship. Both kids have fought their way back to some sanity but each still gives us some challenges. If DH and I didn't have an understanding and some empathy for each other at the time, we couldn't have done it.