So, this is my first time sharing and I truly hope that someone, anyone can help me before I lose my mind.
I have been married for 6 years now. I have 2 step children, a 12 year old boy and a 15 year old girl. My husband and I have 2 boys together, 3 and 6 years old. When my husband and I married, he paid a LOT of child support and had the children every other weekend. A little over 2 years ago, he ended up with full custody because of drug and neglect issues with the bio-mom. I didn't hestitate for a moment to commit to helping him raise them, bith because I am his partner and because no child deserves what they were going through. But somehow in the past 2 years my life has become a living nightmare. My step-son creates mininal issues in the household, mostly just normal kid stuff, being lazy, messy etc. I do just fine handling him, I treat him with respect yet am firm in my expectations. Although we do butt heads on occasion, we get through and the same issues don't re-occur. We learn as we go. My main cause of turmoil is my step-daughter and my husband. My step-daughter has this huge attitude and walks around like she is god's gift to the world. She lies, manipulates and does everything in her power to cause problems. I have tried everything and we have had many good times in the past 2 years. The bio-mom is allowed to provide for the children and see them at her convienience. She doesn't pay a dime ( he refuses to file for support because he "doesn't need her"). When there are money issues though, I am the one that is held accountable for it. Anyways, back to the step-daughter. I've tried many different things. I do my best to be a friend to her as well as a parent, while being very cautious not to make her think that I am trying to be her mother. She comnes to me for everything she wants, whether its to talk her dad into bending a rule or buying her something. Yet when she doesnt get her way, it is me she treats like crap, rolling her eyes, making snotty comments, and flat out just not lostening. She will, within a day, come to me and apologize, stating that I am the last person that deserves it, but in a week its the same stuff again. She wears my clothes, most of the time without asking and she has to be constantly reminded to do her chores. She talks bad about me to the in-laws saying that I do nothing for her and how she cant stand me. And in the same breath asks me to do things for her. I don't give her the satisfaction of knowing that she upsets me, I ground her when appropriate and always treat her with respect because even though I want to scream at her, I know that nobody deserves to be talked to that way. I even bought a notebook for her and I to communicate, in hopes that it would help, but she only writes in it when she is in trouble and wanting to try to fix it. My husband is supportive for the most part but he also enables her a lot. She doesnt dare disrespect him the way that she does me. She is also mean to the 2 youngest boys, if they ask her for something she will say "go ask your mom thats what she is here for". I told my husband today that I needed his help to financially cover the cost of counseling for me to help sort out all of these horrible feelings that I am having towards the whole situation. He told me that since I am the one having the problem, that I can figure out how to pay for it. I won't dare share the things that I think, as I know that they are wrong and just not right. I am not proud that I feel this way and I am afraid that I am just about to lose it. I don'tknow what to do. If I leave him, my children suffer because of it. There has to be a way that we can coexist so that its fair to everyone. I would never ask him to choose between his chidren and I, so that is not an option. We are both important. But I am afraid that I just can't live this way.