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Part five and a half. My step daughter might be evil.

Empty Risks's picture

Submitted by Empty Risks on Wed, 08/08/2007 - 12:06am

I'd like to start with a public apology about my last post...where I sort of lost it at the end. *sigh* It just came out of me....the pain, anger, regret, the lost hope.

It's stupid, really; I never wanted to be a friggin' saint or anything. No, I wanted to be Mary Poppins. You know, a good mommy-person that added light and fun and life lessons here and there.

Time to tidy up...spoon full of sugar. All that good stuff.
But maybe without the chimney sweeps and the roof-top dancing; I'm scared of heights and hate being dirty.

Oh well.

I think back at my intentions in taking this girl in and making her mine. I was no naive. I thought that every little girl needs a mommy, and every mommy needs a girl. I thought I could maker her life better...and make her feel happy again. It wasn't her fault she was robbed of so much. Ya know?

I didn't want to be paid, or to be glorified. I didn't want a pat on the back, or even a thank you from her or anyone else.

You know what I wanted? I wanted to be her mom, hard as nails when needed and soft and sweet when needed...until she turned 18.

Then....then I wanted to be her friend.

We would shop for the holidays. We would make a turkey together. We'd shop for her wedding...her home...her babies.

I imagined being in my fifties....sitting at home and reading. The phone rings and I answer, and it's my little girl...asking for advice on making the best meatloaf or some shit like that. I'd tell her, and she'd say, "Thanks mom! I'll let you know how it went!"

Those dreams are gone. I no longer have any illusions about how she sees me, or how things will play out. I've been blessed with two wonderful sons of my own, and that is enough, because my dream of having a girl is over. I will never have that.

The boys are more than enough, though, so please don't think I am ungrateful. Some people aren't lucky enough to have even one child. I had two.

I guess I just mourn an idea, some damned dream.

Anyway, I am making this post, primarily, for those of you who have opened up your hearts and spent your time in the world I've been jotting down.

None of you had to read any of it. Yet, lots of you have stuck with it. You folks are amazing. Truly amazing.

You deal with everything I deal with, plus some....and you make room in your days/nights for me and others.

I am in awe tonight, and my hope in people is getting restored.

So, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I'll be back in the next day or two to post more about my story, tonight though, I just wanted to show my gratitude.

Comments

Anne 8102's picture

Submitted by Anne 8102 on Wed, 08/08/2007 - 9:44am

Only people who've lived it, understand and commiserate. We all get ridiculous - and usually unsolicited advice - from people who have no clue because they've either never been divorced, never had children, never had to deal with a BM, never had to deal with skids, never had to deal with blending a family, never had to deal with the fallout from kids who are exceptional, troubled, etc. That's the best thing about this site... we might all come from very different backgrounds and our experiences might vary a lot, but we have something in common and it's that commonality of a shared experience that makes you feel less alone, more in control. I hope you'll stick with us!

~ Anne ~

"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)

Hardlyworthy's picture

Submitted by Hardlyworthy (not verified) on Tue, 12/02/2008 - 2:19pm

I married the most wonderful man in the world. We have been married now over 10 years but there was a time when I was not sure we would make it through the first year.

He is divorced; this is my only marriage. He has one child - a daughter - and I have no children and we have none together. We wanted to, but were unable. Anyway.

When we were dating, which was over a period of 3 1/2 years, his daughter lived with her mother out of state and came to visit her father during the summer and on holidays, etc. Her dad and I had been dating over a year before he felt comfortable introducing me to her and that was fine with me, I understand that he wanted to protect her.

Once we became engaged, she came to live with her father. By this time she was 15 and we had not had the closest relationship. She clung to the belief that mom and dad would reunite and made sure that I knew it too. I am not a conspiracy theorist, however, I believe her mission was to break us up so her parents would reunite. However, I remained pleasant and just kept loving my fiance and planning our wedding. I was glad to have my own place away from the two of them.

After we were married, she lived with the two of us for nearly 2 years and I have to say it was the worst 2 years of my life. She would be wonderfully sweet when her father was with us, but then scream at me and throw fits and say the most horrible and mean things to me when he was not. I tried talking to my husband about them, but of course with her Mr. Hyde impersonation going so well, he really did not understand. So, I just kept praying and counting the days until she went off to college.

I continue to try to work things out with her to this day. She is married now. But even today, she says and does everything she can to prevent me from getting close to her and unfortunately, I feel as if I can not trust her. I know that, like so many times before, that as soon as I feel we are getting closer and let my guard down - BAM! She will hurt me again. So, she sees her dad and onece in a while and on holidays she sees the two of us, I will never keep my husband from his child, but I just prefer to avoid contact with her as much as possible.

Don't get me wrong, we speak and are cordial, but the relationship is purely one of coincidental encounters. It's really ashame too, I always wanted a daughter.