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Is first impression really everything?

emmystar's picture

Hi everyone I'm in a bit of a pickle. I have been dating my boyfriend for a few months and we are getting really serious. He has a teenage son a teenage daughter and an adult son. We were waiting to introduce me to the kids when we felt things were getting serious. We had a dinner planned for two weeks from now. I had no idea that he gave his kids keys to his home and let them come over whenever. We were on the couch in a compromising position and did not hear the door open. His adult son caught us in the act. He covered his eyes and left in a hurry. I am scared that now he will never respect me and he might go and tell his siblings what he saw and they wont respect me. I feel like I just ruined any good impression that they may have had of me.

Comments

Justme54's picture

Red Flag!! They ALL have a key! Even so, what about ringing the door bell. I understanding you feeling bad. It is not your fault. Your boyfriend has now boundaries with his kids. Your boyfriend should feel ashamed that it happen. I would back off from this one.
I am sorry that happy. Again,it is not your fault.

hismineandours's picture

I disagree. When you are an adult in your own home (or your bf's home as the case was)any place is good for a private moment!!

Maybe he is not used to having a significant other and gave his kids keys because why not? Maybe he had not previously felt the need for privacy. Nonetheless, this is something that I would want to get clear before the time came in which I moved in-that you are not comfortable with his adult and almost adult kids coming and going as they pleased.

IDK if the kids in this situation are "normal" or like so many of the entitled brats on here. If they are fairly normal-I don't know that this should really be a big deal. You are two grown adults who can do what they like on their own time. If they are of the entitled brat category, then of course they will be shocked and outraged that there daddy might actually have a sex life. Surely you have a feel for which kind they are?

overworkedmom's picture

I am laughing my butt off! Sorry!

You guys are in a new relationship. Shoot, me and hubby went through that fun phase where we did it everywhere too. I would say that you just have to chalk it up to an embarrassing moment. Don't let it define you or your future relationship with the kids. It will only be serious if you let it! They are old enough now to know that sex happens!

(I will say you should probably try to keep in to the bedroom from now on! Wink )

Cocoa's picture

your boyfriend obviously has had no boundaries with his kids, and now, when he needs privacy to pursue a relationship, he doesn't have it. boyfriend needs to get on it pronto. i'd keep my eyes peeled for other instances of lack of boundaries with his kids, his mother and his ex. I think you need to read this site and read some of the problems these ladies have because the man they fell in love with are at the ex's and kids beck and call. try to determine if this man really has TIME for a new relationship, or if he's willing to do what is necessary to make room for you in his life. he should start a conversation with his son apologizing for not instilling proper boundaries with him, but now he's ready to begin a life and will need a telephone call before he just "drops in". the rules need to change, and if he's unwilling to change them, he's not ready for a real relationship. by the way, a man who doesn't have appropriate boundaries in place with his kids when he begins dating is setting up the woman who insists on it as the bad guy, the one that changed dad, the one that's trying to take their dad away. anyway, your bf needs to take all the blame in this. it is his fault. beware...

Unfreakingreal's picture

^^^^HAHAHA!^^^^ DH and I, recently did it on the deck! OUTDOORS! Granted, it was night time and we practically live in the woods so no one could see a thing. I think this post is hysterical.

overworkedmom's picture

I don't agree with the boundary talk either. I think it is normal for teens to have keys to parents homes. Why wouldn't they have keys? I have keys to my parents house. My husband has a garage opener to his mothers house. They all have keys to our house too.

I wouldn't be put off by the kids coming over, that is normal.

Magic_Magnolia_062's picture

I agree. I have a key to my parents house, although usually the door is unlocked and i just walk right in. You just have to have common courtesy, if i go to my dad's house and the door is locked, i knock.. even though i have a key.

Unfreakingreal's picture

My adult sons have keys to my home. They do however let me know when they're coming over. I don't like surprise guests.

BSgoinon's picture

Better than the EX walking in. Which is what happened to me. That's how DH and my EX met. Yup...