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How do you reprimand your SKs?

EmmaGirl's picture

Submitted by EmmaGirl on Sun, 09/06/2009 - 6:38pm

I need to know because I don't and I have to relay everything that I have to say to DH and that frustrates me A LOT.

I guess I am just trying to avoid any negative feedback about me that SK might spill to BM, which will cause BM to go berserk and gossip about me again and tell the world how wicked I am.

But gosh, this kid is sometimes soo annoying!

Comments

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Sun, 09/06/2009 - 8:14pm

I think that part of the reason that the situation with my skids, DH and myself was so bad was because I disciplined too much and too soon. I did this because I felt that DH was far too lax on discipline. Looking back, I wish I had stepped back sooner.

But you absolutely need to sit down with DH and agree upon basic rules for your skid. If you've tried this, then maybe you should consider counseling for the two of you and discuss this with a counselor.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Sun, 09/06/2009 - 10:02pm

I certainly would make more of an effort to make DH be a parent and tone myself down several notches on discipline, as well. That is what my mom and stepdad did with their respective stepkids and we all get along wonderfully. There were bumps in the road, but that's to be expected with any family, blended or nuclear. My stepdad and mom DID reprimand their respective skids, though, and as you said, there's a difference between reprimanding and disciplining. They'd say, "Don't do that" or "You need to stop acting like that/doing that" and we usually did because we knew we'd catch he** from our bioparents if we didn't listen to our stepparents reprimands. We kids also agreed that we'd take gentle getting reprimands from our stepparents over getting yelled at by our bioparents any day of the week.

ChaiLatte's picture

Submitted by ChaiLatte on Mon, 09/07/2009 - 1:29am

I stick to taking away privileges. (TV, videogames) Most of the time threatening to take away privileges gets results. When a kid is just generally annoying though, there may not be a form of discipline to change an annoying personality that BM and DH nurtured. If your main concern is the kid making you look bad to BM, then I would suggest leaving the discipline up to DH and just letting him know the things his child is doing. SS once accused me of starving him to BM to get attention and sympathy. (which is ridiculous) Ever since then, and the fallout thereafter, I try to stay away from disciplining him all together unless he's so out of control I absolutely have to.

Angel72's picture

Submitted by Angel72 on Mon, 09/07/2009 - 6:25am

I do reprimand my sk's, like please turn the tv down its too loud or dont hit your brother, etc..etc..but punishment and discipline are my dh's domain and i will not overstep that. I will support him but never go ahead and spank or give punishment to them. Its not my place.
BUt i realize its more difficult on steparents who have sk living with them 100 %. Mine are suppose to come every second weekend but now hitting thier teens they come once a month or even every 2 months now.

When i bought my house, there was a whooplah disappointment on SD part because she wanted her own room. Ddin't have money to geta 5 bedroom houseAND i would never give the sk a room each because of the time spent. And because its now every 2 months or so, they will get a make shift space in the house. My dh stated that if he doesn't see his daughter and she skips for over 3 months or so..he will take apart the bed as well and have her sleep on the pullout. I dont like that idea but he has a point. If she skips 4 56 months..what do you do? She'll have a place to sleep, just nother bed.

lovelovelove's picture

Submitted by lovelovelove on Mon, 09/07/2009 - 9:31am

As far as SD15 and SD12, I do tell them to turn down the TV, stop being so noisy, clean up after yourself, etc. (DH and I both do). But if they need to be yelled at or disciplined, I leave that up to him. It's not like there are EVER any consequences to their actions though. He pretty much will yell at them and threaten things, but then just kisses their asses all the time because "he only sees them EOW and one weekday". Puke :sick:

I wish he would start grounding them or something so they would stop being such a**holes, but DH doesn't really know how to do that. He says he stopped disciplining them after the divorce. Talk about GUILT PARENTING!! Let me count the ways!!

Ugh...

Love :O

Gia's picture

Submitted by Gia on Tue, 09/08/2009 - 11:32am

although DH says that I am allowed to "spank" SD5, I don't do that because I don't feel comfortable enough doing so. Which leads o a lot of frustration when she pisses me off, because with my son I can slap his hands or spank him whenever he does something bad...

FutureSM's picture

Submitted by FutureSM on Tue, 09/08/2009 - 12:05pm

He's wrong. If he and I ever get into it over the treatment of my child, he always says "Oh, I am just going to let you handle things from now on." What he doesn't get is that I appreciate his help in disciplining her (she is 4), however, he also needs to show her positive attention so she doesn't feel ATTACKED by him. I think it's okay to discipline your skids if you have a good bond with them and are playing an active role in the rest of their life.