I honestly wouldn't have married DH except it was really important to HIM. He had never been married because he swore he wasn't going to get married just because a BM was pregnant or a GF was pressuring him or for whatever dumb reason people give sometimes. I had been married before for 10 years and then found out, totally out of the blue that my H had been cheating on me and for years. I had one of those marriages where everyone looking from the outside thought we were the perfect happy couple.. hell I thought we were! So the whole thing really did a number on me, especially in the trust department and kind of turned me off to the whole marriage idea.

Even though I was brought up in a very religious family and my beliefs are in marriage, I probably would have been happy to just "date" DH for the rest of my life. I look at it like this... Marriage is basically the state getting involved in your affairs and taking a chunk of change from you and giving you a piece of paper. It's the VOWS that are exchanged that really matter. I take those vows seriously, ALOT of people in this world don't (exH case in point) If you're committed to each other, and love and respect each other, what more do you need that having a wedding is going to give you? Just MHO.

first marriage i was married for 20 years. 2 kids later and i wasnt happy. I lived in the same house with this man but i still felt alone inside. I took it as long as i could for the kids sake. I divorced him 4 years ago and spent a year alone and in counseling. I found i needed my husband but he couldnt give me what i needed and i blamed him for it. I spent that year very happy and said i was here to take care of my girls and have fun. A friend introduced me to a guy that was getting divorced about the same time as me and from what my friend said at the time his ex was cheating and he had 2 kids too. At the end of my first year alone....she had me go to a party with her and this guy was there. WE danced once and talked a few and he called me a week later but i was still good where i was so it didnt matter. Went to a christmas party and after he asked to meet so i fell for it..i ran! I was alone and needed someone to be around but at least i wasnt married and alone.ha! I hung there in the parking lot with his guy kissing him til 6am..all nite. it was the attention i needed and i grabbed it. the ex husband not once kissed me in our relationship so i put this guy through it with the kissing.
Anyways we started dating and 2 years into it with only seeing this guy every other weekend when he didnt have his kids and i didnt have mine...it started getting old. I said after 2 years u should know if you want to spend your life with them or not. WE married and its been a battle since. see i could ignore his ex cause i wasnt always around but when i moved in with him....the war started. The ex planeted pictures in the house and told me i wasnt the kids mother (like i want to be a mother to her kids..i have 2 girls) and said this man i married was cheating on me with her and she had proof. she either put the proof in our night stand next to our bed or his daughter did which lived with us at the time (which the proof was before i met him)and it just goes on what she has done and now as of last month she is modifty child support . she seem to not be able to get over this relationship and keeps trying to kill us and i it pretty much feels like a bear after you and it wont stop til you dead. so now ive spent a few years married in hell. I cant ignore most the time cause its in my face but also its hard when i do everything for their son. he is here 43% of the time so its not easy. Im stuck as you say trapped but i love him and i know it would kill my girls to have to get up and move again during their high school years.
the main reason im sending you this to tell you that i look back now and i wouldnt marry. The reason i did was because i did want to be with my husband all the time but I couldnt be with him all the time and just live with him...i could show my girls or his kids that living with someone is right. some think its ok and thats ok but if i just lived with him my kids can say you did it mom so can i. THATS WHY I MARRIED HIM! dont get me wrong i love him but his ex is in our world every day and now has managed to destroy his relationship with his daughter that is now 18. IM SAD and i wish i could say that if you marry it will get better than the last marriage but its not how it panned out for me.
Good luck and i hope whatever you do ..know if there is a ex and kids involved..there is problems..its not always a happy marriage.
Even though i get the attention now i never got in my first marriage..i have the drama. i didnt have drama in my first marriage so its all in what your up for!

I was entirely anti-marriage after my divorce, swore NEVER again. UNTIl I met my bf now...and I started believing in it again. THAT said, i will happily date and be committed...but I will NOT marry him as long as he hasn't rectified SD behavior and get his balls out of ex's purse.

Until I see that I'm #1 at all times (even when SD visits), nope not happening. This means as your partner in this life, I will not be considered 3-4 down the line of whose asses you kiss.

SO and I have been living together for more than three years. He started out in a big rush to get married, but I've convinced him to wait. My sons were grown and on their own when we started dating, but he still had three of four 50/50. I told him that I didn't want to marry until they were all out and on their own. I don't want to be step-mother to his children... I want to be his wife. We've got one kid left and about 4 years to go.

My story is probably a lot different than yours, Dragonfly, but we both have grown kids. I was just settling into life without minor children as an everyday fact when Bozo came along with Baby Huey. I am a 'never say never' type, but I doubt I could ever do a relationship that includes an SO with minor children again. I read some of the stories on stalk and wonder if I could even do a relationship with a man who has adult children. LOL! Then again, I have adult children and they aren't the entire focus of my life, nor do they take over or try to control my life. I'm sure there are men out there who have set their boundaries properly and raised their kids right too.

Bottom line, you have to do what feels right in your heart. If I weren't sure what feels right in my heart yet, I wouldn't make the marriage move. I'd keep soul searching (reading self help books, counseling, talking to others and mulling my choices) until I found the answer that truly felt right to me. You'll know it when you find it.