You are here

Don't know how to feel

doll faced sm's picture

I hated my step-dad (my mom's 3rd husband). He died two days ago. He was an abusive, controlling a**hole. He regularly beat my younger brothers until his ALS took his strength from him. So, why do I find myself on the verge of tears every time I think about it?

Comments

nothinforya's picture

My first stepfather died when I was 12. He was also an abusive a**hole. He beat me with a hairbrush, tied me up with electric cords, kept me confined to my room for days on end. I was a child at the time, and caught between being so glad he was gone, and feeling guilty because I was so glad. Death is supposed to be sad, right? I'm supposed to have grief. But I didn't. Maybe it's that kind of contradiction that is causing you to be tearful. All I can recommend is that you talk about how you really feel to someone, maybe your brothers, who also suffered and may be having the same conflicting emotions that are troubling you. Denying your true feelings will cause you the trouble later on, especially if you feel bad that you are relieved he's gone.

misSTEP's picture

They say that it is tougher to get over the death of someone whom you had a tumultuous relationship with...

Kilgore SMom's picture

Maybe tears of relief. Which you should not be ashame of after the way you were treated. Also sometimes we just love people rather their good or bad for us. This site prove that.(((HUGS)))

oldone's picture

Sometimes I will get teary (and I'm not a big crier) when I think of some really bad situations.

doll faced sm's picture

Thank you ladies for the comments and support. I talked to my mom again today. She's been watching him die over about a 4 to 5 year period of time, so she's done her grieving. I wish I had the time to see a proffessional, but I don't right now. I think going to school today helped take my mind off of it since I'm not nearly as upset now as I was this morning.