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The Lying Continues...

Dogmom1321's picture

Submitted by Dogmom1321 on Wed, 01/20/2021 - 12:05pm

So I have posted on here before about SD10 behavior issues. She has been formally diagnosed with anxiety, ADHD (inattentive), and ODD (oppositional defiance disorder). She started anxiety medication a couple of weeks ago but was waiting for another appointment to start ADHD medicine. 

SD has done nothing but complain about having to take anxiety medicine. "It tastes gross" "It's not fair I have to take it." She has spit it out, thrown away an entire bottle, hid it from her parents, and even had to have her BM hold her down once to give it to her. To say she is exhausting is an UNDERSTATEMENT. 

Well, DH took her back to the pediatrician today to get her started on ADHD medication. The doctor explained the ADHD and ODD diagnosis and started going over different medication options to begin today. At the very end, she asked if everything with the anxiety meds were going well. SD10 began lying. "Oh yeah, it makes my chest hurt. I think it makes my heart beat fast. It just hurts when I have to take it." DH rolled his eyes and explained to the doctor "See, this is what we deal with constantly. The manipulation, excuses, etc." Then the doctor basically said... Well to be on the safe side, we won't start this medication today like we were going to. I'm going to have SD go to a cardiologist first to have an EKG done. 

DH was FURIOUS. He has tried for YEARS to get SD on medication. BM was finally on board. But because his little brat decided to lie to the doctor and be dramatic, the process is drawn out even more now. He was in awe that the doctor "fell for it" too especially when she was just diagnosed with 3 disorders. 

When they got home this morning, DH immediately filled me in and then got out of sight. He was still furious with SD. After he left SD10 starts bragging to me "Yayyyy I don't have to take that nasty medicine anymore. It worked!" WOW

I told SD she will eventually have to take medication again, but all she did was make the process longer with MORE appointments. 

 

Seriously, what is wrong with this child?! She is so exhasuting. The only positive thing I see out of this situation is that DH gets as fed up as I do. That's about it though. Anyone else deal with a SK that has ODD?

Comments

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Wed, 01/20/2021 - 12:16pm

Does she have a therapist? A kid with three diagnoses really should be seen by a psychiatrist for meds rather than the PCP. And a good therapist working with the psychiatrist can help with parenting strategies to manage behavioral issues. 

Sounds to me like ODD is her primary diagnosis and the others are secondary.

Dogmom1321's picture

Submitted by Dogmom1321 on Wed, 01/20/2021 - 12:23pm

Yes, unfortunately her next psychiatrist appt isn't until March. DH is going to try to get her in somewhere else sooner. 

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Wed, 01/20/2021 - 12:31pm

I understand the doctor's stance but I would have been through the roof pissed!!!

My son is on ADD meds (non hyperactive), they make such a difference for him. He is so smart- off the charts and has the biggest heart, wouldn't hurt a fly. However, when he skips days the entire house wants to murder him. He mentally pinging, has to make constant noise- hum, sing, talk about nonsense. He starts 50 creative projects at once, he leaves everything everywhere- We have given him an office in the house and his own tool bench in the garage to keep his projects contained- off meds, it isn't enough space. He drives us all nuts. 

On meds, he is organized in life and in his thoughts. He keeps up with what he is doing. Maybe it is only 2-3 things going at once. Seriously, he is just better at life when he can control his own thoughts and brain and he isn't going a million miles a minute. 

I hope you can get her on them soon because for us, it is like night and day.

Dogmom1321's picture

Submitted by Dogmom1321 on Wed, 01/20/2021 - 1:06pm

Yes! We have literally chosen medication as the LAST option. We have tried everything else under the sun. So frustrating that the doctor is prolonging the process because of what SD said. She desperately needs the help even though she thinks medicine is "nasty". 

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Wed, 01/20/2021 - 1:13pm

He has to - if she had heart issues from the medication, he could be sued, and you know BM would do it. 

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Wed, 01/20/2021 - 12:34pm

What punishment did your DH impose on SD for lying?  It's one thing for him to be mad and annoyed with her, but if he doesn't swiftly impose consequences, why would she stop lying?  Lying worked - she got what she wanted.  If there's no negative repercussion to go along with that, she's just been incentivized to continue lying and manipulating.

Dogmom1321's picture

Submitted by Dogmom1321 on Wed, 01/20/2021 - 1:07pm

No electronics. What we have come to find out though (and with ODD kids in general after doing research) is that consequences don't seem to phase her. She would rather be in control and deal with the consequences than complying with a parent or authority figure. Makes us want to rip our hair out!

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Wed, 01/20/2021 - 1:27pm

I prefer manual labor to taking things away. If there is yard work to be done, she can get on it. If not, the house surely need base boards wiped down, grout in the bathroom scrubbed really well with a tooth brush, folding laundry, cleaning the windows and window sils... learning to iron.

My mom and grandma used to tell me that she would have to iron for hours when she got in trouble. My grandma would go wrinkle clothes up just to keep her ironing. 

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Wed, 01/20/2021 - 1:53pm

You asked What is wrong with this child?  --Does there have to be something wrong that requires a diagnosis?

Well, It is has been reported to me by countless Foster Parents that many foster kids took their medication and pooked it in door knobs, vents in the floors, pushed it down at wall trim. Tossed it in the back of closets etc. These are not bad kids. 

I dont believe she is a stand alone situation. JMO of course.

*edit to add,,,is she a bad kid? Maybe, maybe not. i hope she turns it around. Sorry your dealing with this*

 

 

Dogmom1321's picture

Submitted by Dogmom1321 on Wed, 01/20/2021 - 2:12pm

I truly fear for her future (along with other Step Parents too I'm sure). I've read so much that adolescents with ODD tend to not outgrow it as adults... so if she stays on this track, how will this manifest as an adult? Talking back to your boss everytime they give you directions? Unable to keep friendships because of the constant arguing? Alienating family members?  Unable to hold a job? Makes me so nervous that she won't get the help she desperately needs. 

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Thu, 01/21/2021 - 8:06am

Honestly, I've been in the child mental health field for 30 years - and clear structure and parenting is the best treatment for ODD. I would disagree that they don't outgrow it, too. But if your DH and BM both can't provide the structure and limits she needs, she is going to struggle. Meds won't help it, either.

Dogmom1321's picture

Submitted by Dogmom1321 on Wed, 01/20/2021 - 2:12pm

I truly fear for her future (along with other Step Parents too I'm sure). I've read so much that adolescents with ODD tend to not outgrow it as adults... so if she stays on this track, how will this manifest as an adult? Talking back to your boss everytime they give you directions? Unable to keep friendships because of the constant arguing? Alienating family members?  Unable to hold a job? Makes me so nervous that she won't get the help she desperately needs. 

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

Submitted by NoWireCoatHanga... on Wed, 01/20/2021 - 5:58pm

She was an all D and F stupid her entire life. She was out on it mud way through junior year and immediately turned into an A and B student. She just got her AA and is working on her bachelor degree now. It does suppress her appetite and she is super skinny so she doesn't take it in the weekends so she can eat normally. It definitely changed her life for the better. North Korea didn't want to pay for vyvanse briefly and she was switched to Ritalin briefly and she hated it and hated how it made her feel. So there are different ADHD meds with different side effects. I have seen it eork wonders though. Some kids need meds 

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Wed, 01/20/2021 - 8:43pm

The lying will only get worse as more adults fallf or her antics. I understand that she has ODD so most punishments wont bother her to a certain extent but I think you have to figure out something. Can you imagine what she's going to pull when she's a teenager, when kids are at their most devient? 

Dogmom1321's picture

Submitted by Dogmom1321 on Thu, 01/21/2021 - 7:58am

Oh, I have imagined and it's scary! DH is worried about the present. How she is doing currently. I worry about the future and I can see her getting worse if this doesn't get fixed. Her sneaking out, defying curfew, getting pregnant (she has always shown risky and impulsive bevior), her argumenative attitude ruining any job prospects... (it already affects her relationships with peers... she can't keep friends and always have "drama" or a failling out). And so much more.