I can fully understand why you would NOT want to attend a nice dinner out with such an individual and that behavior. I know it personally. And when I was still engaged with DHs kids, I had already started opting out of circus time, I mean, meal time events.

You can come up with many "reasons." Baby is fussy, I'm tired, don't feel good, you and SD go have a nice bonding dinner (bleh), etc. Let DH manage HIS kid. Something tells me he wants you there to "help" by saving him from having to deal with his kid ALONE.

Best to you. I hope you enjoy a nice  evening at home with your sweet baby.

cut off her internet/wi-fi and she'll emerge from her den 

Followed by the internet going out suddenly.   Block her mac address on the router and let her use her data plan. 

And enjoy your bio.  DH isn't going to take SD to dinner, he will have to talk to her.  She should been put in camp or something. Not dumped on you.  You know yiu have a much bigger problem.  DH..... He has no respect for you.. He still wants SD to be part of his Hapoy Family.   Unfortunately that ended with his divorce,

This is the exact shit DH says about SD14. He "feels bad she is up in her room all the time". First of all, she is a teen, that's what they do. No one is stopping her from leaving the house and doing any number of activities, she just doesn't want to do them. But he feels guilty. Then dinners are always ruined by her pouting or getting whiny about something. Rinse, repeat. You know how this story ends, I think you have a very bad headache coming on and should probably get some rest and miss dinner. 

Life gets immeasurably better when we opt out of spending time with unpleasant people. You can make up an excuse, but I'd tell him the truth: she's obnoxious. Enjoy your life.

DH came to me this morning saying he wanted to do a 'family dinner' tonight. 

Good idea, DH. You are going to make her come out of her room and sit down with us at the table to eat. There will be no electronics. Just dinner and discussion.

So....your husband hasn't done sh!t to encourage SD to have hobbies outside of Tik Tok, it doesn't sound like she has been raised to be someone who friends would tolerate, and he hasn't signed her up for any camps or extracurriculars. It sounds like he is just whining so YOU will entertain SD. Don't take the bait. Let him spend one-on-one time with her. Either they will both enjoy it and his guilt will be assuaged, or he will see why nobody wants to hang out with her (if that's the case, idk but just a guess), and maybe DO something about it. 

I'd be suggesting a special father-daughter dinner and staying home. He probably wants a "family" dinner so he doesn't have to deal with her on his own. 

SD17 PowerSulk did/does that. I used to insist on "family dinners", which she powersulked through. So now we each do our own thing, and she will slink off at whatever hour, late or otherwise, and its not on me to cook or clean or do anything out of my way.

But, yeah, my new therapy sessions emphasize the power of "no thank you". Just no thank you. "family dinners?" "No thank you".

Acually, Dogmom, having your SD on her cellphone all night and asleep all day sounds ideal! Beats the heck out of having a pouty teen slouching around, in your face. Rather than trying to jettison the girl from her lair, tell your husband (as per TrueNorth's astute observation): ….. she is a teen, that's what they do….

As far as taking SD out for a family dinner, it’s almost certain that she would prefer to have her stepmother and baby brother elsewhere. From previous posts, it appears that there is no love lost between the two of you. Suggesting to your husband that taking his DD out to dinner would be a good bonding experience makes perfect sense. Remind him that you’re home with her all day (regardless of the fact that you only see her when she’s foraging for snacks) and she needs exclusive time with dad. How can he argue with that?

I HATE when they try to twist the story to make them the victim. She is not a victim. She is not locked away anywhere. She is living the life she is allowed to live by BM and DH. 
 

I think your response was perfect.

It's what a lot of teenagers do!!  They stay in their rooms, laying around, playing on their phone, computer, tablet, whatever, watching tv, and complaining that they're bored. You ask if they want to go somewhere with you, it's a no.  My kids are teenagers now and kids in general need to learn how to entertain themselves and quit expecting parents to entertain them.  Mine certainly never entertained me.  Oh you're bored?  Well let me find you something to do.  My daughter isn't really like that anymore since she got her license last year.  She's got more freedom to hang out with friends and up until a couple of weeks ago she had a job.  She's been saving her money so she could afford to go on leave from her job due to marching band season starting.  She'll either go back to where she was working or if she isn't able to, then she'll apply somewhere else after marching season is over.  

My son is a rookie in marching band now and it just started so they are both occupied with that.  It seems to have helped him a lot.  He is too tired to be bored.  He isn't sleeping all day and staying up all night.  He isn't on the computer or watching tv all day.  He is getting to see some of his friends and maybe make some new ones.  Your husband needs to find something for his daughter to do if he is so worried about her being cooped up.  Some kids need that push to get out and do stuff.  Go to summer camp, get in an extracurricular, do something.  It shouldn't be YOUR problem anyway.  He needs to quit trying to make it your problem and be a parent to his own child.  

I'd stay at the house with the 2yo and let him go with SD by himself.  Why let yourself be subjected to all of that?

2yo?  Perfect age for a pots and pans band session. Everyday just outside of SD's bedroom.  Play band camp up and down the hallways.    Guaranteed to annoy the F outta her!  Lol.  Works good for those teenager hangovers too.   

I honestly dont understand why these children and parents do these things every single holiday or extended period of time

First of all, its not even her visitation time. Second of all, if he is so concerned with her doing activities, then why doesnt he make an effort? Work is not a good enough excuse to me

My husband used to have the kids sit around on video games all day. I eventually got tired and made them do one activity/day. They hated me for it and did everything in their power to not do anything. Even dropping them off at a youth center to make connections with other kids while playing sports and I would receive a text 10min later to pick them up because of social anxiety!

I just gave up and now they complain that they hate it because its boring. When asked what activities they do at BMs home, its "games" and "friends" (like 1 or 2 because they arent very social) and "gfs" (they are girl crazy)

I was making them do the following

- Learn to cook with me once a week

- youth center for sports and socialization

- pool/waterpark

- library for games and renting a book for each holiday that they never wanted to read

- electronics/stem workshops provided for free by the library

- drop them off at the mall to hang out with friends but instead they would call BM and ask her to pick them up

- movie theater

- painting/arts and craft at home

- daily walks

- museums 

They made it so harrowing and difficult with every tasks and had so much of an attitude that I gave up. 2 days ago, they complained about being bored so I told my husband to get up and do something with them. His response "YOU do something with them, im tired after work!". I told him that I have two jobs and im too busy so I guess they will be on their own playing video games all day and facetiming their gfs which is exactly what they want

Do not plan anything for her because she will just ruin it and have a major attitude. Last year my husband spent $1200 to send SS17 and SS15 on vacation to his relatives out of state - huge land, ATVs, water park, etc. Well they were extremely rude to their host and refused any activities outdoors or with the other children. My husbands relative told him that the only reason she didnt smack them was because they arent her children and they arent welcome anymore....All of a sudden, he woke up and realized that his children are rude and weird instead of blaming me about it

Enjoy your summer with your son!! She can stay in her room, she would just be upset if you forced her to do anything outside or in a group and you would be the bad bully!

With friends.  They text them.  SD is in her room on her phone.  Texting , Tiktoking. YouTubing   And what ever place they go to

What's up with these bio parents trying to force bonding times. 
 

Like if they want to cool but if they don't then that's cool too. 
 

If you feel generous ask her what she likes to do then do that with her. 
 

But if you'd rather not then say you're tired etc and encourage him to go with her instead.