Here we do again
So I don't understand why when a mother gives up her children to live with thier father because she couldn't deal with them anymore; does she think after a few years, when they are well mannered and behaved, she can have them back? Does it work that way?? She no only brings up 50/50 all the time but she buys their love and make them feel guilty. Does that sound like someone who is looking in the best interest of her children. The older son has told us he doesn't want to go back to live with her, yet he tells her otherwise. He does this bc if not she will cry and cry and put a guilt trip or get upset with them for their choices. So instead of being honest with his feelings, he says whatever to make her happy. I just don't think that is fair. She also has a new man in her life for the past 4-5 months, got engaged after 1 mos, and now bought a house just around the corner from us. We have learned not to completly take the boys word on some things, but according to some stories we hear, they fight all the time over stupid stuff. What kind of stablity are they really going to have over there? The younger boy wants to go over there but I think for the wrong reasons. He and his brother would fight all the time over a pc game that we illiminated usage for the time being. He's allowed to play that game over there. He also isn't diciplined over there, so that would be my other guess. He thinks the grass is going to be greener on the other side. I'm the full time step mother, and i guess it just breaks my heart to possibly loose them and have them revert backwards. I know its hard not to talk about the other parent but the boys always tells us stories...for ie...they go to the pool and all she does everyday is lay out--she never plays with them. Or during movie time--she is working out on the floor --instead of cuddle time.. There is no involvement unless its on her terms. After they are done complaining, we'll say "see and she wants you all 50/50..for what?? We have made a conscience effort to stop saying little remarks like that bc it has become a back and forth battle that is putting the boys in the middle. And thats not fair. Should we just let them go....take our chances that they will see its not as greener over there...or continue to keep our words on we know whats best for them and we won't give them up?
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My Skids had the same problem
BM dumped them on us in March. The kids were out of control and she could no longer care for them. She said the move was permanent but wanted to wait till the end of the year to tell them. She told the girls it was only temporary b/c they were being kicked out of school.
Both girls said they wanted to live with us but told their BM they wanted to lives with her. We told them it was their choice but that Social Services would being investigating BM's home it they chose to go back (long story). We told the girls to think about what was best for them. Where did they like to go to school, where did they feel happiest, where did they feel safest. The girls said it was at our home but feared telling BM.
We told them to stop worrying about their parents feeling and that DH and BM were old enough to accept what the skids wanted. With DH standing there for support they told BM they wanted to live with us. BM has since then begged, pleaded, whined, and bribed them to come back to her house.
Support and guide them. They know where the true love is. Your youngest is trying to get you to give into his demands. It's nothing but emotional blackmail.
You are in my prayers.
~Don't fear the thorns among the Roses, but be greatful for the Roses among the thorns~
Thanks for your support! I
Thanks for your support! I thinks its sad that these parents make it where thier own kids are scared of communicating with them. Ours are the same with my husbands ex. I mean petrified to be honest with her bc she puts that guilt trip on them. We are not giving up on them. Period
We are going to fight. I
We are going to fight. I hope she takes us to court. It will be hilarious to show the judge all the facts and throw it back in her face.Thanks for the suport and advice
I know all about it
We too had the same issues.My ss was living at his moms and we got a call one day to go to his school for a meeting.He missed alot of school so bm said it would be better if he moved in with us.So he did now he is doing awesome in school but still likes to go to his moms house alot of the time only because she is never there and they can do pretty much what they want.So when the going gets tough she cant handle it now she asks ss to move back now that he is doing alot better.
they always think the grass
they always think the grass is greener on the other side. Whats even more annoying is she has her new boyfriend defending her now in emails. He has no clue what he's getting himself into. NONE. Thanks!