My 13 year old step son with whom I felt I had a great relationship with blew up on me today. They left us on Sunday to spend the week with their mom. He got upset bc my husband asked that they cut the grass if they had a chance. He lashed out saying is that the only reason why you all want us over here is to do the chores. He explained that they stayed up late at their mom's bc her workout stuff is in their room and she workout late last night. Although, I know his actions were bc he was tired still gives him no reason the say the things he said. Bc of his poor attitude he was sent to his room. One time he had asked to come out of his room and I told him not right now, he began to scream I hate this house, everyone in it, kicked over a box of legos and went into his room. They have no respect for their real mom and there was no way I was going to let him talk to me in my house the way he did. I ran upstairs and told him to pick up the legos and put them back into the box, and told him not to ever speak to me with the disrespect he did. He sat there and did what I asked him to do. Went back into his room when he was done. He later wrote me a letter saying how I'm not his mom so stop trying to act like it. My heart is broken and I know kid will be kids and say things they don't mean. It still hurts bc I do everything for them and he and I have an open relationship that I was confused about the sudden blow up. I didn't understand.
Earlier in the week I got an email from their mom asking me why the boys aren't getting her messages. I replied that they do. Every time she leaves a message I tell them she called and remind them to call her. Most of the time they say we'll call later etc.. I told her I can't grab them by the ear and make them. And I don't keep up with it either asking them. She called me and had our conversation put on speaker phone. They boys are frightened of communicating with her. She put them on the spot and of course they lied to her. Since then, the boys said it's been weird there and her boyfriend even said to the older boy that if he ever hears that he lied to his mom that he will stand there watching while she beats the crap out of him. Apparently , he has been bottling up all these emotions that have been building up over there and exploded here at us. He knows he can always come talk with us so I don't understand if hes stressed out over issues at his mom's then why he doesn't come to talk to us about it. The problem is the issues never get solved bc they are afraid to talk with her and she never listens to them anyhow. I try to explain that he needs to sit her down and talk with her to make her understand him. We have even suggested us paying for them to go to our family counslor with her so they can get stuff off their chest. I don't know what else to do. My husband has already told her she is losing her sons by the way she behaves. What else can we do??? Feeling helpless