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shall i walk

dee55's picture

Submitted by dee55 on Tue, 08/30/2011 - 7:16pm

:? my 15 year old future stepdaughter told me she was planning to meet up and date a 23 year old man, i had no choice but to tell her father, my fiance, since then she has called me a liar saying she never said that, she was rude,aggressive and totally out of control, i didnt get any back up from my fella,
this should never have come back to me, it should have been up to her mother and father to deal with it,
He refuses to be more of a father and less of a friend for fear of her falling out with him, i completely understand his fear and his love for her, i`m a mother as well, but were does that leave me, i`m now battling the two of them because i refuse to be called a liar for doing the right thing and i will not be spoken to in that manner, i have two sons of 24 and 27 and they would never speak to me like that, they are disgusted with my bloke for not having a spine and not putting her in her place.
I love my man dearly but am so close to leaving him because her behaviour towards me will only get worse if she gets away with it,
should i have kept my mouth shut and let the peado get to her, wen are due to get married next May, i`m not sure i can go ahead with it,
Need advice please.

Comments

Oi Vey's picture

Submitted by Oi Vey on Tue, 08/30/2011 - 10:04pm

I don't think I'd marry him.
But, if you choose to, I'd HIGHLY suggest you leave the parenting of his daughter to HIM. In this case, had you not said anything, you would not be in this situation.
Sometimes, men will only see what they WANT to see in their kids...

gtrmom's picture

Submitted by gtrmom on Tue, 08/30/2011 - 10:12pm

First off, sorry for the situation you are finding yourself in {{hugs}}.

IMO, I think you did the right thing. If you think about it, you were between a rock & a hard place, you told so she is upset with you and of course she is going to act as if you lied (she is probably still going to see the 23 yo but be more sneaky about it); and if you wouldn't have told your fiancee, & BM, would have been even more upset if they learned that you knew and didn't say anything.

She is 15, my SD is 10 so I am not looking forward to it, so you can do no right. I think that you should talk with your guy and tell him that if he doesn't tighten the reigns he will probably keep his daughter but lose a wife, or future wife. Good Luck!

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Tue, 08/30/2011 - 10:18pm

I can't advise you on what to do. I can tell you that if you continue this relationship, keep out of anything to do with SD. remove yourself from any interaction or care about what she does.

She has put you in a position where you are at odds with your DH. She has caused problems in your marriage. DONE. You don't have to say a word if you stay. Leave it unspoken. DH wants to turn a blind eye, let him. Only deal with what affects you and your home.

Until he sees for himself, she is innocent.

Auteur's picture

Submitted by Auteur on Wed, 08/31/2011 - 8:19am

Your BF has already shown you that you don't come first. . . pandering to his spawn comes first who will play him like a cheap fiddle then disown him when things don't go exactly her way (read: BF abandons you).

As a one time poster long ago put it (I think Angel?) "not marriage material!!!"

I think thrice about continuing on with this man as he already has the "mini-wife" syndrome with SD.