need help
Ok new here but need outside advice. I've been living with SO for about 3 yrs. She has 2 kids 21boy and 17 girl. I have 2 girls 12 and 14 who live with ex. SO has ex out of state owes money blah blah blah. Owns her home works and does well. I work and do well also. Our main issues are always money. It seems. Son pays no rent girl has no job so she basicaly supports both cars food etc. Bot works full time. We have completely seperate accounts and bills. I pay my support and help with bills food etc. How much should I pay her. We don't really know how or what amount. Or percentage how to devide bills. I feel the more I give her the more she gives to her kids and then mine suffer. (I have my kids everyother weekend but see them during the week. I feel as if I'm allowing her to not pursue her ex for past due ammounts. I'm basicaly giving her the money for bills or rent if you will then she pays sons car insurance feeds him. Etc. He's supposed to pay rent but doesn't. Then parties all weekend. Her daughter is in high school has a car. SO. Pays for gas insurance well pays for it all. She doesn't want her kids to suffer or go without. And neither do I but I am getting frustrated. The bills go up but her income doesn't. Girl has all kinds of expenses for senior year college apps. My kids have some expenses as well.
How do others splitt this.
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If your money is kept
If your money is kept separate, her son should be paying his share, & you & her split the rest. Life says when you don't pay rent you get evicted. She's doing him no favors letting it slide. Not only is she doing HIM no favors; she's failing on her partner as well.
If she isn't willing to hold him to his rental agreement, you pay your share & let her cover hers & her son's. She won't like it, but she won't dislike it anymore than you dislike having to pay for something HE & SHE agreed he would pay.
Her kids expenses are hers. Your kids expenses are yours. If her income is tight, she needs to start passing their expenses onto them. Your kids will be coming across the same expenses in a matter of time. You're time to dole out those expenses will come. I'm sure she won't jump to fork over cash to supplement then.
I am going to point out the
I am going to point out the obvious…this should have been discussed before living together.
Dh and I agreed that any of our kids could stay living at home after graduation…IF and only IF…they went to college full time and worked at least part time. If they did not do both of those, then they had to move out.
To be fair….The way I think this should work is that she pays ¾ of all bills, rent and utilitys and you pay ¼. Then you pay your bills and she pays hers. Like, car notes and insurance and so on. Then if she want to spend the rest of her money on her kids… let her go ahead.
Oh and try to tie down a time frame for when the 21 year old needs to get out.
It doesn't sound as if you
It doesn't sound as if you have a written plan in place of how much you should pay her. If you don't, I think that this should be your first step.
Next step should be figuring out what the 21yo should pay in rent. I wouldn't give him a figure that will make him go broke, but he should pay something, which will help teach him responsibility - pay bills first, party second.
As far as getting back money from her ex for CS, is that possible? If so, then yes, she should pursue that for the children's sake, then she can use that money to pay for her children's cars, gas, insurance, trips, etc. However, if the ex is broke, you know the saying....you can't get blood out of a turnip!
To be fair….The way I think
To be fair….The way I think this should work is that she pays ¾ of all bills, rent and utilitys and you pay ¼. Then you pay your bills and she pays hers. Like, car notes and insurance and so on. Then if she want to spend the rest of her money on her kids… let her go ahead.
^^^ THIS. Or at least divide house and utilities into thirds. Since she has an ADULT child living in the home and no longer in school.
Sort of sounds like she is needing you to help cover her Adult childs expenses. I personally wouldn't have a problem with that if the children were minors but since they are ADULTS and she is catering to their every whim than let her cover the cost NOT YOU!
We did so much wrong at the
We did so much wrong at the beginning of or relationship and then me moving in with her and the kids. The boy was told go to school work part time no rent and she would pay half for passing grades. He quit after one semester. Now works full time. The girl is smart as a whip and has great potential for college. In the last year SO has bought her a car homecomming prom dresses and all that go with them. Class ring and all the stuff a senior needs. The ex pays nothing towards anything just his support he lives out of state. We have no written agreement. But give her money plus groceries carry out dinners out come out of my pocket. Over december I had some issues myself and wasn't able to help as much. We just don't know what and how to do this. I don't want to feel as if I'm allowing her to support a lifestyle she can't afford. Nor do I want to be made to feel guilty about her situation. Its a partnership. And she reallyy does hold all the cards. Saying I wouldn't live like I do on my own. But at least when I put something in the fridge it would be there when I get home lol. But how do I get her to see how things would be with out what I pay her plus the intangibles.
I'm with Willow. You pay
I'm with Willow. You pay your 1/4 share of rent, electricity, cable, internet & food etc. You take care of your phone bill, car insurance & other personal expenses & the rest of your money is yours to do with as you please.
If your GF chooses not to seek out CS, that's HER loss financially. If your GF chooses not to charge her grown son rent, that's her loss financially. You shouldn't have to suffer.
Thanks all this in all
Thanks all this in all honesty is more difficult than we thought it would be. We both work vey hard for our kids. Blending the 2 families together is no easy task.
One more thing and not to
One more thing and not to pick on the boy. But he always has friends over night. Eating and gaming. Doing their thing. So as far as my kids living their part time that's kinda a wash as far as I'm concearned. I also understand I will take the brunt of her frustration with the ex and son. She has taken a lot of hits this last year. Cut pay increased benifit costs everything went up and then she added the girls car and all these extra expenses. And its a killer with 2 cell plans we both pay benifits packages. So just in that we are paying about 1000 a month that if we were married would go down to about 400 per month.