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story of my stepfamily by a 22 year old stepson

daud's picture

Submitted by daud on Mon, 03/12/2007 - 8:36am

hi there everyone and i`m so glad i`m here so that i can get some advice from you on how to deal with my stepfamily. you see, my mum got married to my late aunts husband in 2001 and we lived really happily till 2003 when his sister came and overturned everything in our lives and took him and my 4 year old stepbrother and 5 year old stepsister and dragged them to canada. by the way we were living in south africa and we are of indian background.

fast forward to 2007.

i`m in canada now and i see the family regularly but the biggest problem is that MY STEPODAD JUST DOES NOT CARE ABOUT ME OR MY BIOLOGICAL FAMILY/. i went to go and visit them yesterday and i took some cookies for them and they spent more time talking wqith their neighbour who lives next door to them and paids no attention to the fact that i had driven 45 minutes to come and see them. my 9 year old step sister calls me a "bitch" and no one thanked me for the cookies. i was so hurt and insulted sitting there and i left after 20 minutes. i was so so so hurt i went home and lay on my bed and cried to sleep.

what should i do???i do so much for them and anything they ask for i givethem because it`s the love you give them that counts but if they are going to be rude and ignore and insult me then i don`t want to be stabbed all the time.

help!!! i know this website is for stepparents but `im so desperate for help.

Comments

Nise's picture

Submitted by Nise on Mon, 03/12/2007 - 6:09pm

I hate to say this but i believe it is honest...sometimes we have to learn to love people from a distance...especially when they don't appreciate/respect our love. Have you ever shared with them (say in the form of a letter) how you feel? If not i advise you to write them a letter...even if you don't send it to them it helps to get it out...then if you chose to...edit (or don't) the letter and mail it off...There is a saying that "people can only treat us the way we ALLOW them to treat us" that basically means that if you have to remove yourself from them to protect your emotional stabilitiy, that may be what you need to do...I'm a step parent and well as a step child and so i know the dynamic you are facing...hang in there!

Make a GREAT Day!

Anne 8102's picture

Submitted by Anne 8102 on Mon, 03/12/2007 - 6:23pm

People only have the power to hurt you if you let them. Don't put yourself in the position of being a target. I like what Nise said about putting it down in a letter... whether you send it or not, it's very cleansing to get it out of your heart/mind/soul and onto a piece of paper where it can't you anymore. You can send it to them and hope they respond, but don't expect one and you won't be disappointed. I really think you have to communicate your feelings, but once you've done that, it's up to them. If they can't or won't reciprocate, then give yourself permission to cut the ties. Love isn't love if it hurts.

~ Anne ~

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)