why can't all BM be like BM#2
BM#2 is the BM for SD11. She is always putting her child first. She doesn't argue with SO or I. She is respectful and easy going. She is also a beatiful women inside and out. She works two jobs to support her kids. She doesn't care if she gets a $ from SO as long as he is an active father to SD11 (she gets $ though and SO pays for her extra things too)
Tonight was SD11 softball game and her mom was able to come tonight and was going to take her with her and then I will go and get her on Friday for the weekend. She hasn't seen her since Memorial Day. BM is always so respectful and easy going. She doesn't like drama and does everything to avoid it. She and SO have never gotten into a fight. She even wished me a happy mother's day and thanked me for being a part of her daughters life and for being her "bonus mommy" She knows that I am good to SD11 and that she loves me very much and is ok with that. SD11 calls me her Step mom to her mom and she is ok with that. She believes the more people who love a child the better off they are. That children don't need to be involved in adult issues and that parents need to get along for the childs sake. Parents need to put their feelings aside.
I respect her for all that she has done for SO and for SD11. You can tell that SD11 is loved and supported by many people in the way she handels life and how loving and caring she is. How out going she is. She is a well rounded and adjusted child for everything she has been though. You would never know that she didn't know her true father until she was 5, no one knew it was even possible for SO to be her dad at the time either. She actually is happy her "other" dad was not her dad, i guess he was not nice to her.
She has such a great relationship with me, SO and other family members because everyone is albe to get along.SD11 is involved in many activities and my mom goes as well and BM mom and SO mom and they all get along. Everyone is so nice and supportive of everyone. This is how I grew up for the most part with my blended family and it makes it hard for me when the other BM's are the complete opposite. It makes me think they have some mental problems, I already know one does for sure.
BM#2 and I don't "hang out" but when I pick up or drop off SD11 we get along and talk. She is a friend of mine on FB and is always respectful. We have it that way to share photos of SD11 with each other. She is more of a good friend to SO. The only thing I have to say negative about her is that she is not very good with returning phone calls. If that's the worst thing I can say about her .... well I will take it.
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wow, BM#2 sounds like the
wow, BM#2 sounds like the dream BM. I wished my ssons BM behaved that way.
I too was a skid, my parents divorced when I was 4, dad married my smom when I was 8. My mother left my dad and moved on wiht her life so when dad remarried, mom was happy for him, stayed out of his bussiness. My mom worked together with dad and smom for my wellbeing. They were a team when it comes to discipline, rewards, behavior issues, etc... My mom and smom got along very well, in fact my smom called my mom (and still does) "Big sister" (my smom is 12 years younger than my mom).
I went into my relationship with SO thinking that BM would act like my mom did and SO would act like my dad and we all work together for the best interest of the boys. Man was I wrong!
Don't let her deceive you
Don't let her deceive you though. I had it like that with BM2 as well. She was the nicest, kindest and most generous person I knew. She was funny and really amicable. She even bought as a wedding present. She gave me a job at the kindergarten she runs and we became real good friends. We hung out together, talked about everything, joked and made fun of DH and his silly thing that bother us and confided in each other. We went clubbing together once or twice, she came to DH's 40th birthday party, SS16's confirmation (she's not his mother), and we were the envy of everyone. Nobody believed that we could have such a civilized relationship.
Until... SS9 lied about me and she believed him. She became a snake. She's now the meanest and cruelest woman I have ever met and she is using EVERYTHING we ever shared against me. It is as if she were another person. I was fooled and now I feel like an idiot for trusting her. She used to tell me that she loved that I was a part of her kids' lives and that she was really glad that I was around because she knew that she could be in peace while the kids were with us. She thought that I kept them safe and took care of them (not that DH didn't). Now I am the worst person that ever walked on earth. We can't even be in the same room together without a fight or some kind of episode. She's even worse than BM1 who's just a white trash bitch.
I hope you make it work, but don't get too close. Good luck!
I would not get that involved
I would not get that involved with BM though. I know we get along but i don't see us clubbing, maybe having a beer but that's it. That sounds like BM#4 but i never trusted her but she thought we were best friends and lets say it was me that turned on her.
We have a great working
We have a great working relationship with my exh. It can be done!!! I only wish our BM could be mature enough to do the same! It truly means doing whats good for the child & putting personal differences aside. My little girl is a very loved & very well adjusted because of the way we have handled things. Neither parent or step parent talks negatively about the other. It truly can work!! I just wish my SSs had this, but BM is vindictive & wont allow it. Sad indeed.
I think it truly works because we all know where our boundaries are, and we dont cross them. We dont hang out with each other or even call each other just to talk either. Phone calls are about my little girl only, about pick ups & drop offs, school events or girl scouts. We keep it simple. There is sometimes small chit chat at events, but mostly about our daughter.
There are differences between how adjusted my DD8 is & how my SSs are. My SSs still have issues pertaining to their parents divorce & now their parents re-marriages. They simply havent adjusted well at all & I defintely attribute it to their parents not being able to put differences aside & raise their kids together in a nicer fashion. BM still seethes over things in the past & simply "cannot play fair". Shes always getting tge kids involved in adult things. She uses the kids to still get back at DH. Shes proven that we cant parent the skids the same way we do with my DD. Its sad. Sad for the skids that things are the way they are!!!!