So 15SD exploded (literally) at her mom last night, for god knows what reason (she doesn't really need a good one). This, while 10SD and her 9 yo friend were in the next room (explosion happened in the living room, 10SD's room is just off the living room). Of course, 15SD has no respect for others, as previously noted, so that wouldn't have stopped her.

I managed to keep the girls occupied and somewhat distracted - of course they knew what was going on, but I think it reassured them to see that I was there and keeping them entertained and that I wasn't freaking out.

Anyways, today I woke up in a shitty mood, sick of it all, but 16SD seems better. She's keeping in so much because of her father, who tells her to lie, tells her to say that everything is going perfectly at their house, when we all know it isn't. Screaming and yelling and venting must have helped her a bit. Didn't mean she talked more, but at least she got some of the pressure out. Now if she could just start talking, we might get somewhere.

She's not perfect, by any means. She's 15, and she acts younger than 10SD. 16SS's boyfriend was over today, we went to the park, and 15SD was playing like a little kid, holding on to 16SS's and on his boyfriends legs as well. She's the same age as the boyfriend, for cripe's sake! I hate it when she's like that in public, my god, she's 15, not 5!

Anyways, she's been quieter and (slightly) more polite today, so today was a good day. I at least got to do shit that I want, didn't have to worry about her stupid shit.

Last night I made a mistake - told my DW about how I feel about 15SD. I said "listen, she's not my daughter, nothing obliges me to love her. I will take care of her and respect her, but there's no reason I have to love her". DW said "you're breaking my heart", which maybe she's right, but I have to set my limits. I've never built a good relationship with her like I have with the others (the others I really do love like my own), and with her dad in the picture (who is uber jealous of the place I have with the kids), I have no choice of building one. Add that to the fact that she's a spoiled and rude little brat, and I have no desire to build a relationship with her either.

I explained that to DW, and she seemed a little better, but I think she wants me to love her like I love the others, and I just can't. I mean, 10SD has been living with us since she was 4, 16SS since he was 11, and 13SD since she was 11. That's a lot more time to spend building relationships and building love. And they've been working at it too. There were rough patches with all of them, but there was something there to hold on to. With 15SD, she's just all over the place and I have no desire to expend more energy than I have to to make her better. Right now she's a lost cause because of the influence of her dad.

Maybe if we can get her away from him we could get some results, some day. I have my doubts.

Anyways, here's to a good day. Hope I have some more before she leaves.