You are here

PAWNS

Daddysgirl's picture

Submitted by Daddysgirl on Wed, 03/14/2007 - 7:28pm

Using children as PAWNS- I never beleived it was ACTUALLY done until I met DH- How can a parent do that to their child???
A little history- DH and have I worked together for several years. We knew each other when we were both married to our EX's- Even before, I remember when he told everyone he got married (that's right, it was not revealed until the Monday- yep no honeymoon, after he got married- and he left her 6 months later) I remember when BM was pregnant with SS, before they were married. Heck we even went to Christmas Parties etc; he was always alone (he always said she was home, didn't want to come) and I with my EX (who normally got really drunk and did something to embarrass me in front of my co workers, like hitting on my bosses wife). Soon DH and I became partners at work and we got to know each other on a more personal level (no not sexual, just talked about kids...life, spouses etc.) he always told me that he didn't get to spend much time with his son because his wife used him as a "pawn". This was appauling to me. THEY were MARRIED at this point. If she didn't get things AS she wanted, she would take their son and leave... OFTEN. She did this to everyone, if she was angry with DH's mom it was "you can't see MY son anymore" even with her own parents. She has a hard time getting along with ANYONE, it is not only me that she is EVIL to. She is left with her miserable life, without a friend in the world... she has lost every last one of them.
Eventually we both ended up divorced (I was in an abusive relationship, and his reasons... I think are obvious) we then started dating... probably too quickly... (hind sight) but I began witnessing the PAWN- Oh my! She would not "allow" DH to have SS for more than 3 hours at a time... because he would pay half of her bills. He now had rent and etc of his own to pay... and her WHOOPING 450.00 rent payment was easily afforded by her alone, she lived there alone before he moved in. It was madness! Pure madness. How could a mother put a child in the middle of adult situations such as these. I have ZERO respect for a parent that refuses to allow a family member to see their child because of adult issues. No wonder kids these days are growing up so quickly. They are forced to deal with issues that are well beyond their years even at the ripe old age of 1 (in my case). "So why can't I go to grandma's house Mommy?" "Well, son, because Grandma and I got in a fight over WHATEVER that has absolutely NOTHING to do with you".... Bitches.

How do these women sleep at night?

Okay- I had to get that out after reading so many blogs about BM's using the kids as PAWNS. Sickening, really.

Comments

Nymh's picture

Submitted by Nymh on Wed, 03/14/2007 - 8:24pm

It really is disgusting. I have often asked myself that same question about our BM. The answer is she doesn't...she openly admits that she is so miserable she barely gets an hour or two of sleep each night. Perhaps if she spent half the time bettering herself and trying to encourage a relationship between BF and SS as she currently does trying to make our lives miserable and sabotaging BF's relationship with his son, she might be a little less upset with herself and able to get a good night's sleep...

Just my humble opinion, of course.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

Lise's picture

Submitted by Lise on Thu, 03/15/2007 - 3:47am

I know exactly where you`re coming from!! If I spent time replying to all the threads here that sounded like our situation, I`d be here all day.
The BM in our situation has been refusing mediation, alleging that DH has been violent towards her and making other horrible allegations, has told me that SS is `her son` and has nothing whatsoever to do with me and she`s just being an out and out evil witch basically.
We are in the process of legal proceedings, applying for shared residency/residency (due to a lot of factors I don`t have time to sit and type out), the school has now shown their displeasure in the way that BM has conducted herself towards SS`s education and homework, or rather the lack of it. She`s now asking if her and DH can get together and talk things over!! We tried this months ago but we got nowhere with her. DH and myself are of the opinion that BM knows things aren`t looking good for her on quite a number of levels and now she wants to squirm out of the whole process!! She`s manipulated SS, telling him that if he spends more time with us she`ll have to sell her house and that will be his fault, she`s upset him to the point where he ran away from her and he came to us, she`s told DH that she relies on the maintenence payments and the benefits she receives and can`t afford to lose any of it by agreeing to more contact between us and SS..... and loads more.
As a BM of 2 sons (19 and 17) who has never caused difficulties for their Dad and always encouraged them to spend time with him, I really can`t understand how any BM can do this `pawn` thing to their kids.
At the start of the relationship with DH I used to try and see things from BM`s perspective and try to understand where she was coming from when she started the `witch effect`, but it got to a point where SS was repeating things she`d said to him and after seeing him so upset and confused I couldn`t have that understanding for her any more. I just don`t see how any parent could use their child in such a shameful way to score points.
I really do feel for all the SM`s here, I do feel for some of the genuine BM`s out there who are decent enough to let the kids have good relationships with their Fathers, but unfortunately there`s too few of them, or that`s how it seems anyway.

I just wish these BM`s who have their heads so far up their own backsides would just stop, think and realise what harm they`re doing to their kids, at the end of the day it`s these kids they claim to love so much and won`t `let go of` that are the ones who will suffer.

I love my DH and SS to bits and always try to do my best for them both but it`s really getting to the point where I`m beginning to wonder if all the s**t is really worth it. Deep down I know I`d make the same choice to marry DH all over again but I just wish it was possible to turn the clock back and change a few things so we could all have a much happier and less stressful time than we`re having at the moment.