HELP 22 yo SS is a loser and moved back with us AGAIN!!!
Help my 22yo SS moved back into our house again. He lived with us since 17 when BM kicked him out of her house. We got him to graduate high shool with a $1200/month tutoring bill, but we did it. He finally got into a state college (by a mistake at admission) which we pay for. He is lazy, gets c's and d's ditches shool and barely avoids academic probation. Has no girlfriends or any other friends and this is the third time he got kicked out of a room mate situtation. He does not flush the toilet at age 22 so I don't blame the roomies. Whenever he has no place to go, he crawls back to our house and DH who is guilt ridden not only allows it but paves the way for him. I first kicked SS out of the house about a year ago when he called me an @sshole, he crawled back within 3 months. Then he snuck into our bedroom while we were sleeping and stole from us so I kicked him out again. On April 1st DH casually informs me that SS needs a place to stay for a "few days" until he finds a new room mate. Later I find out he intends to stay at least till 6/15.
While we were on vacation for 10 days I asked that SS does not have access to our house because I DONT TRUST HIM. Last year he brought some winners over who slept in my bed, eat all my food and smoked pot in my house. We set down and agreed that he will stay with a friend in our absense. My housekeeper called franticly 3 days later thinking that somebody broke into our house when she found that someone slept in our bed, the kitchen was a warzone and the toilet was full of feces. We live in California the stench must have been unbearable, she treatened to quit. When told about it, DH started finding excuses and made up stories how the toilet was backing up on him too (total BS) while swiftly ignoring the fact that precious SS technically broke into our home.
This morning the gardener came in to report that he found a transient sleeping in the garden shed and if he should call the police. Yep you guessed right, it was precious SS who we thought was living with a friend stole the keys to the shed and camped out there. I am at the end of my wits with this loser and his father who keeps covering for him. He has absolutely no consequences for his actions and no incentive to change. His daddy loves him so much he will tolerate anything and SS knows it so well.
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OMG sounds like my SS minus
OMG sounds like my SS minus the pot. I recently kicked my SS out and he will not return the day he does is the day I file for divorce. Feel so bad for you. Sounds like husband is enabling this adult and as long as husband does this your SS has no incentive to grow up or change.
Thanks so much for your
Thanks so much for your comments, it means so much to know I am not alone.
Did your SS date my BD? He
Did your SS date my BD? He broke into my house and stayed there while we were out of town. Freaked me out--still does. Frantic call from a friend watching the house. I know how you feel. It's awful.
Nothing will change unless your DH makes it change. I'd have rules in writing and be willing to enforce them with consequences spelled out. It's YOUR house too and you do NOT have to accept this. If your sorry ass SS does move in be sure you know for how long and what will happen if he's not out at the agreed upon time. I'd be sure he knows locks will be changed and cops will be called.
I hope for your sake he doesn't move back in.
It's so frustrating when DHs
It's so frustrating when DHs coddle and make excuses for their adult children. SD (26) thinks washing her dishes means when ever she's gets to them . .2 days later. When DH gets on her about it, she'll comply for a few days and goes right back to the same thing. When I mention it to DH, instead of putting his foot in her behind . . his response is "she's in her own world." She's so lazy that she'll leave a 5" square of toilet tissue on the roll to keep from replacing it.
I'm looking forward to her moving out! And I hope she doesn't have to ever move back.
OMG she is 26 and living with
OMG she is 26 and living with you? How do you keep your sanity? DH is right about one thing SD is living in her own world, therefore I say let her move out to really live in her OWN world.
If I kick him out that again
If I kick him out that again reaffirms to my DH that he does not have to take responsiblity for his son. The kid is a looser because WE continue allowing him to be one and each time I do something I am viewed as an evil person. It's about time DH takes responsibility for his son and be a real father, one that is not afraid to discipline his offspring. If he does not teach him a lesson, life surely will and she won't be always a kind teacher.
The hotel is an excellent idea, I will take it up next weekend. Thank you.
I'm laughing really hard
I'm laughing really hard right now because your gardener thought your SS was a transient! I totally would've been like, "Yes, please call the police." Wow, I can't really offer any advice, my SS's are only 11 and 9...but I could TOTALLY see SS9 being that way in his 20's. The good thing is that I've already told DH that when his kids are out of high school, if they even THINK they want to live with us, it'll either be during the 3 months of summer between school years in college, or they'll get a job and pay us rent...so they may as well move out anyway. It would be, like, 3 months MAX. I also told him that I was going to tell them that if they wanted to live at home rent-free and be sponges, they could go live with their BM and share a bedroom w/ bunkbeds. Who knows what will happen, only time will tell with us, but good luck to you because your situation sounds like my worst nightmare.
Cyberwoman . .yes . .SD (26)
Cyberwoman . .yes . .SD (26) is living with us and I keep my sanity by drinking . .just kidding. I keep it by telling myself that it's just a matter of time before she moves out, and by reminding myself that she's only here temporarily. It took me a while to get to that perspective however, and the first year of living with her was hell . . . (will be 2 years in 2 weeks).
She also spends most of her time behind closed doors in her room, so that helps as well. Finally, too make matters worse, she carries this sad and negative energy that I don't like being around. Even her co-workers have mentioned it. So I'm not sure what's going on in her head. Again . .this is just temporary.