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Need honest Answers!!

creolemom84's picture

Ok... so... I need some honest answers here. I just want to know If I'm doing the right thing here. I am 29 and my hubby is 41. We met when I was 19. I never wanted to get involved with anyone who had already had kids and I had told him this. Well we ended up having kids and I ended up falling in love. After 4 years of dating and 2 boys, we tied the knot in 2008. We are still married but I am having a hard time WANTING to stay married. Why? Because of his damn kids!! I have sacrificed 10 years of raising them and being the only "mother" to them from the time they were 8 & 6 years old. They are now 18 and 16. Throughout those years, I've been so disrespected, unappreciated and lied on. It was good in the beginning, but after some time and having my own children came the accusations of me treating them different and them not liking me for whatever reason. I recently found out that they've been talking about me behind my back and calling me out of my name. My stepson has had issues over the years nonstop. He has been suspended so many times, sexually harassing girls at school, smoking weed, a pathological liar, steals, has run away 3 times, been locked up in a juvenile detention center twice, even touched my 4 year old son inappropriately and nothing was done about it. From the time he was 6, we had been taking him to see a psychologist and a psychiatrist for his ADHD. None of this helped, even when he was on meds. I think he has deeper issues but everyone else has been in denial all these years.. Anyhow my stepdaughter was always complaining about every little thing I do. She has a problem with everything!! She would never tell me to my face, though. When I would ask her about it or what did she have a problem with, she would always say "nothing". Well, things got so bad with my stepson that my hubby had to try and find her. She had been absent from the kids lives since they were 1 & 3 years old. So through Facebook, my hubby located his ex-wife through her family members. He spoke with her and told her about all the hell he's been giving us and she took him in March of 2013. This was the first time that their mother had seen them since they were toddlers. She even had the nerve to have 3 more kids that were living with her!! My stepdaughter is in college and stays on campus (Thank God)!! Ever since they met their biological mother, the disrespect has gotten worse. I would think they would have been grateful that I spent 10 years of my life taking care of them, loving them, and doing for them as my own. I've made a personal decision to not go out of my way for them anymore and not do for them. I'm tired of it and tired of them using me. I don't hear from my stepson at all since he left. The only reason I hear from my stepdaughter is so I can bring her groceries to her dorm and drop off her birth control pills. My hubby used to accuse me too from their lies but now he's starting to defend me and see how ungrateful and trifling they are. So am I right to feel the way I feel? Am I right to choose not to do for them anymore? I've had enough and I've even contemplated leaving my marriage. I don't even want to be around them anymore to be honest. I feel like I just need to concentrate on raising my three young children, which are 2 boys 8 & 6, and a 4 year old daughter who has Autism. Not to mention, I wouldn't want my stepson who is a pervert around my daughter who can't communicate well enough to tell me if someone does something to her.

Comments

oneoffour's picture

You gave them 10 yrs of your life. And like typical teens they are ungrateful and and awful... and not yours.

So tell SD that as she has such a low opinion of you that your delivery service is suspended until further notice. SS is not allowed in your home until he straightens up. Seeing he is likely to have mental health issues not to mention abandonment issues he is severely broken and unlikely to be around any time soon.

They are rude to you because they have not been taught anything else. Also add in a big handful of poor-wee-me's because your children have 2 parents and they didn't.

I never do anything for anyone where I expect some kind of appreciation because those that should, don't. I do it because it makes me feel good. I do not expect appreciation but you bet I remember those that do appreciate and those that don't.

So they have their mother back now and don't need you. Cast them adrift. And do not look back.

creolemom84's picture

Thanks for the advice! I have also thought the same thing about maybe them being upset because my children have both parents. Indeed I do plan on letting their biological mother take on that role I've been doing all these years! Wink

creolemom84's picture

I totally agree! If they're not grateful after all these years, its not gonna happen.. My stepson is at his mother's house. He hasn't visited since he's been staying with her. I hope my hubby doesn't let him spend the night or anything like that. When he's there, I'm a prisoner in my own home because he has to be watched like a small child. I can't live like that again. I'm so passed that point in my life.

creolemom84's picture

I definitely did want him out the door. My son who was 4 at the time didn't just come out and tell me. I just had a funny feeling so I asked him. I also reported it to the cops in which they interviewed my son and didn't do a darn thing! They claimed it was too many inconsistencies. But I know my 4 yr old son was telling the truth. It was too descriptive and a 4 yr old wouldn't know anything about being sexual. My hubby, didn't seem to be too concerned about it either. Since he's been staying with his BM I heard he touched his half sister twice so I be damned if he comes back in our house EVER to stay. I have to protect my kids! Esp my daughter. If he touched her, she couldn't even tell me due to her Autism. I don't even want to be around either one of those kids honestly..