You are here

So Far, So Good

Cover1W's picture

Since the start of school, there's been very little drama.

I had to do some shuttling of SD9 to/from school but that was discussed with DP before I agreed to do it and he made some concessions for me in return. This is the key, I'll do it for a good reason but not if DP "just doesn't feel like it." Because I "just feel like doing it for you?" No. DP is getting that loud and clear.

DP is using SD9s friend's parents (and my good friend is her mom) as a kid-sitter. He's getting annoyed that maybe they need us to pick up SD9 earlier than planned, say at 6:30 instead of 8:00 (we have discussed that school night visits end before dinner, 6:00 at the latest). He's making these elaborate plans to NOT have SD9 with us for certain things because she may be bored and SD11 will not like it. WTF? WTF!
I'm going to have to have a talk with him this weekend because this one has effected me directly in that I've had to go out of the way to get SD9 due to his planning & subsequent complete inability to pick her up AND the fact that they are NOT paid kid-sitters AND it's my friend and stop taking advantage. I've also told my friend she and her husband can say NO.

And DP still has not signed SD9 up for the after-school program and is still trying to rely on SD9s parent's friends. I told him he's going to burn bridges that way and good luck with that. The school program is VERY affordable but SD9 hates it...Tell her to suck it up, dad has a job he cannot always leave early from and this is the way it is. Good lord, I would have NEVER done anything like that to my parents because they DID say, SUCK IT UP we adults have jobs and you'll not die from being there for 1.5 hours.

Last night SD11 and I had dinner alone (which I find out A LOT of information b/c she talks with me). It was nice b/c she told me that she was glad I "wasn't really wierd or one of those mean step-moms." I thanked her. "Yeah, you don't make me do chores or anything..."
I said, "Well, you know you should help out more." SD11, with a guilty look, "I know, but you don't make us scrub the floors." She ended up saying she'd help do more dishes so that's a win.

I do make SD9s lunches the night before. DP is hopeless at it and SD9 likes and appreciates the ones I make (DP and BM cannot for the life of them make a decent lunch box, it's amazing). The catch is she must bring her lunch bag to the kitchen as soon as she gets home, otherwise I don't do it. She has been dragging on this lately and two days ago I told her that SHE needs to be responsible for her school bag and lunch. SHE needs to know where it is and don't leave it in the car. Well, last night it stayed in the car. I didn't make lunch. In fact, I think maybe DP didn't even realize it (he needs to get this too) - so I think SD9 went to school with no lunch today. She'll be making her own lunches starting at age 10 (February) like I did with SD11. So I am counting down and she's going to start putting them together with me this month.

DP ordered SD11 a warm coat last night, but it won't arrive until Monday. She was upset (it was Thursday night and he wasn't going to pay more for express shipping). Because she 'needed it for mommy's!' Because, you know, BM can't make sure she has a warm coat at her place.

Comments

Tuff Noogies's picture

sounds great!!! u're engaging just as much as only YOU want to.

what your sd11 said reminded me of what one of kaos' friends said to me (in front him him!!!) friend was complaining about his stepmom and how she is so controlling of the dad and all that, and just complaining about her in general. since i dont know the situation, i took it lighthearted - i looked at him, smiled, said "yeah, there's a lot of us evil stepmoms around" and winked. he laughed and said "but u're not like that at all, u're a cool stepmom!"

it's nice that you and sd11 have that sort of relationship. Smile as far as sd9 and your dh, well, some people have to learn the hard way...