So as time goes on and I continue to NOT help DP is imploding.
Which I expected.
And which makes me even more disengaged.

VENTING!

* He didn't maintain or fix some things on his car, which resulted in us having only my car for a week. We don't live in an area with easy bus service, so it's caused issues and mostly MY schedule being disrupted. I got all over DP the other day 'cause the poor man missed 3 days of his "hard" exercise. I reminded him, not so nicely, that it was a) his fault in the first place and b) I'm missing almost a WEEK so don't come crying to me.

* We have almost no food in house to cook with (because I don't have the car...I do believe getting SD10 to school is a priority so agreed her school time comes first). Or for SDs lunches. I've been watching their lunch items dwindle and don't remember the last time DP got any fruit or anything healthy. SD10 went to school today with rice and pretzels.
DP randomly complained to me about it and I shrugged.
He went to the store two days ago and got stuff only for himself.
I'm going to the store today and only getting stuff for my dinner tonight and tomorrow.

* I took over Key Control in the house.
Gave a little talk and demo to SD12 about it last week.
DP interrupted me while I was talking with her and said, "I already discussed this with her." I said, "And I am doing it again."
I know he didn't tell her much because she sure was listening to me.
THEN this morning, I realized the extra house key was gone...I haven't had time to put it out yet. I asked DP. "Oh, I put it under the mat for SD12." Me, "Why?!" DP, "In case she doesn't have her key." Me, "WHY would she NOT HAVE HER KEY?" DP, "Well, you want an extra key for that situation, right?" Me, "I am NOT discussing this with you right now..." I had to leave for work.
See? This is why I don't discuss SDs with him any more. ANYTHING gets turned around and my fault.
If HIS daughter isn't responsible it's not MY fault for wanting to maintain house security.
And I will change ALL the locks in the house on his dime if either of those keys goes missing.

* SD12 was talking with me last night...brings up her grades. She gets straight-A's all the time. Super smart, likes school. She asks me about Disneyland. I say that I don't have any interest in going. She's surprised. I don't care, don't want to go. SD12 says neither does SD10. THEN "Daddy promised me if I got straight As he'd take me to Disneyland." My brain about exploded. She doesn't need bribes!
I kept calm, "That's nice."
Meanwhile, DP had been complaining to me earlier in the day about his commuting costs b/c of SD10s schedule (which he could easily cut down on but precious can't possibly wait in the cheap after school program because she 'hates it there.'). NOPE.
He had mentioned something about he and SD12 doing something this summer, but I had NO idea this was it.
He has NO tract with me on money complaints at this point. We have a week long trip planned in April and a week long trip planned in Aug/Sept. Both with SDs. And he wants to give SD12 MORE?

- I am so glad our finances are separate and will remain separate.
- I did bring up initial discussion of him wanting me to parent but undermining me when I try. He listened for about 30 seconds and changed subject. But not in a mean way so I'll bring it up again for sure. Because he's frustrated he has to do everything. Yeah, that's the point.
- He bought light bulbs for the house (on his to-do list since May). Pending installation...?
- He put a monthly reminder on his calendar to clean the SDs bathroom at the end of each month. Of course, HE'LL be cleaning, not SDs.

Meanwhile, tomorrow I'll be back on my regular routine.
And it's so nice to not be involved.