After School on BM's week
So, the skids starting walking to/from school now (no more kids club!!), they are old enough and it saves SO about $200/month.
Well yesterday SO mentioned talking to BM about having the kids walk home to our house every day - even her weeks. Then she can pick them up from our house... I can honestly say that I am not thrilled about this. I told him to please not say anything to her until we could discuss it, so he hasn't. Maybe tonight we'll get a chance to talk about it. I don't have children, so for me - I see your kids EOW, then I'm not supposed to see your kids EOW. If they are coming to our house EVERY DAY after school, BM is bound to take advantage and suddenly it'll feel like the skids are always around.
How can I talk to him about this w/o seeming like a bitch about not wanting them to do this? They even like kids club, so let them go. It's BM's bill, her problem - who cares? I know he looks at it as a way to see them more.. I understand that and all - but I don't wanna start resenting him b/c BM takes advantage and I feel like the skids are ALWAYS with us (ie: she doesnt' show up most days until 6 or so).
I realize it's not a lot of time, but it's still my week without kids. If you don't have kids, and your SO/husband does - You should understand where I am coming from. People with bios might not...
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Depending on what time BM
Depending on what time BM would pick them up would depend on if he would see them or not. They would normally be getting home around 4:20ish, he usually gets home from work between 4:30-45ish. So it's possible that he could get a 1/2 hour with them or so, or longer if she worked later and didn't come until 5:30-6ish.
Yes! The food thing kinda
Yes! The food thing kinda irritates me as well. If she was to start saying "well I work until 8-9 on Tuesday and Thursday, so I'll pick them up after school" Suddenly we have to feed them dinner as well, and they would be there the entire night!
I tend to fix foods that they will not eat on "our" weeks, then make the kid-friendly dinners on skid weeks. Also, I purchase the groceries when we do not have kids and he purchases them when we do - it's not my job to feed them, ya know? They aren't my kids!
Yea I think maybe I will try
Yea I think maybe I will try that... just stay out of it, she can handle her own time. Why should we help her save money? I don't see what they has to do with us at all... and that's what it seems like to me. We would be doing her a favor, and honestly - I don't want to! lol
WE have this happening at our
WE have this happening at our house for the last 4 years. BM moved out of the district, she drives to our house for the kids to catch the bus in the morning and they come to our house after school till she picks them up at about 5pm.
Pros: Nothing, we don't get home till 5:45, so we don't see the kids
Cons:
Our food bill went up 250.00 a month
I have LOTS to clean up every night when I get home (dishes, coats thrown on floor) chairs all pulled out)
BM lost all boundaries and started to just stop by anytime, and has walked right into our house several times
The "I forgot my ****" happens more, lots of texts of "can you bring me my ***" I forgot it after school at your house
Skids didn't think the normal rules applied when they were there, they were eating on the couch and getting into things ect.
When asked to help out and do a chore while there, they wouldn't
But the biggest issue was that BM lost her sense of boundaries and was showing up unannounced non-stop, going into my home, digging through my mail and stealing my things.
Oh hell no! That would drive
Oh hell no! That would drive me insane! BM is not welcome to EVER step foot into my house!
But eating all your food and leaving a mess... ughhh, that would bring up tons of resentment - especially since it sounds like you are the one having to clean it up, not your DH!
YES! I cleaned it up, and I
YES!
I cleaned it up, and I pointed out all the stains and food left on my NEW couch for over 9 months before DH even said one thing to them about it.
Maybe ask if you can ask BM
Maybe ask if you can ask BM to pay for the time the kids are with you during her time. You could make it slightly less then the kids club but enough that you can get something for yourself every other week.
if she can't care for her
if she can't care for her children during her time, maybe dh should have full custody. i'd be damned if I had skids on bm's week without it.
and that's just it - she can
and that's just it - she can handle it - has for the last 3 years! He just wants to offer her this option. Hopefully after discussing it tonight, he'll let it go though and not be upset with me or feel like "I hate his kids", b/c I don't - I just prefer the time when it's the 2 of us. He prefers it when it's the 4 of us.
BM's week, BM's house. He has
BM's week, BM's house.
He has to realize that these are HIS kids and you do not enjoy having them around all of the time, like he does. You enjoy your kid-free time. You make sacrifices when it is his week to have the kids, he needs to understand that you should not have to make those sacrifices when it is BM's time, too.
If he gives you the 'ol "you hate my kids" line because you like it to be just the 2 of you, ask him why he doesn't want to spend time alone with you.