SD15 - returning after being gone a year
My other blogs explain the whole issue with SD15, but basically she chose to go live with BM (DH was primary before then) back in August 2020. We did not see her at all for 6 months, her first 2 visits were pretty decent, we could tell she was putting effort in. After that she basically only came when she wanted DH to be a taxi to/from things with her friends.
Well in person school is starting back up and she is planning on continuing at the advanced/specialized school she has been attending in our school district. The main reason DH was primary was because BM decided to move an hour away and could not get skids to/from school 50% of the time because of her work schedule. So we're assuming that with SD15 deciding she's continuing in our district means she will be back to the schedule we had before, at our home 10 days, with BM every other (long) weekend.
I'm really not looking forward to her being in my house again, she's so grumpy and rude and obviously hates us for whatever illogical reason she's convinced herself of. DH plans to talk to BM and have SD15 start coming the regular schedule starting mid July to hopefully get any issues out of the way early.
Basically the only reason she wants to come back is to continue with her advanced/specialized school, just using us again like she has been for rides, but still hates us. I don't expect there to be much advice to give or anything to do, just venting I suppose...
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I totally get it. SD11 wants
I totally get it. SD11 wants to start attending the middle school that is near her Mom (also an hour away). CO says DH gets to make the final educational decision. I have a sneaky suspicion that he will force SD to continue school here. Even though she would make the entire house completely miserable. It would be the same set up you have. Here during the week because BM can't take her to school. And basically her going to BMs on EOW. What a crappy situation knowing someone doesn't even WANT to be in your house or part of your family, but there they are anyway. So annoying and frustrating. DH and BM haven't come to a conclusion yet, but just thinking about SD being back here basically full-time, makes my stomach turn into knots. :/
** IMHO, there is no reason to start this "new schedule" early in July. WTF. I'm sorry, but 15 years of a crappy attitude aren't going to change in a couple of weeks. Hold on to your summer as long as you can!
I think DH's thought process
I think DH's thought process behind starting it early is that if she's still being a jerk and rude and there's a big blow up there will still be time before school starts to switch her to BM's district instead of dealing with it in the middle of the school year.
I'm a COD
I feel your pain. I'm a COD and one of the things my mother was really clear on from the begining was that she would not have any boomerang children. If you moved that was it until you left home as an adult. Want to go to another school? Sucks to be you. Not getting on with Dad? Too bad, so sad.
More parents need to be upfront on this with their kids.
I actually need to bring this
I actually need to bring this up with DH, because this was something that was discussed when she left a year ago....that she wouldn't get to just flip flop whenever she wanted to. I'm sure her intention is to stay here during the school year and go back to BM's at every possible chance, dropping us like a bad habit as soon as possible.
As a parent your DH has the
As a parent your DH has the ability to say "Well kiddo you decided living with us was not your cup or tea, therefore you can live with your mom and attend school in her district." It's his choice to allow her to do this. It's amazing how parents think they must cater to their children.
Yes, I agree with you, and in
Yes, I agree with you, and in general DH is NOT a permissive parent. If she had been going to a regular high school, I think this wouldn't have come up at all and she would simply be going to school in BM's district.
The issue is that she applied for and has been attending a specialized/advanced high school that has her finishing high school with a diploma as well as an associates degree which is a huge bonus. This program is only available in our district so it's not quite as simple as just switching schools, she'd actually be missing out on getting an associates degree for free.
Bummer she should have
Bummer she should have thought of that when she thumbed her nose at her dad...time for SD to learn choices have consequences.