SS12 is off to high school next year. He hasn't even started and already I'm over it. We had a big fight with BM about which school he was to go to. She wanted him to go to a private religious school and we wanted him to go to a public non-demoninational school.

This argument was first played out over a year ago for their primary school when SS12 and SS9 came to live with us. And we lost (due to SO inexperience in standing up to her manipulation tactics). Even though there was a public school 1 block from us, we had to send them to private school and pay 50% of the fees (plus all their other expenses because of course she quit the job she got after 6 weeks).

Fast forward a year to this "new" argument, and we still lost. But at least this time we refused to pay 50% of the fees. Now we just need to finish out the primary school years for both children, and then we are school fee free.

When this all happened, my concerns were over how she was going to pay for this, when is she ever going to pay child support, would she be able to pay for other major expenses for the kids such as braces and if SS12 would have to change high schools because of her inability to meet financial commitments.

My frustrations/worries have now turned to more immediate concerns.

SS12 is now displaying a superiority complex - it's a special school, he's special because he gets to go. He's special because his mother loves him (evidenced by the fact that she is paying for him to go to this school to be with his friends).

Whenever SS9 brings up high school now, SS12 tells him that he won't get to go to this school. It's too special, it's too expensive, BM won't have enough money to pay for a second child and it's wrong for SS9 to expect her to pay.

Then I have to step into a conversation that I would very much like to keep out of, and bring some reality to the situtation - it's still 3yrs before SS9 goes to high school, we aren't thinking of that now. But SS12 can't tell him where he is or isn't going and to stop. I feel uncomfortable discussing it - I don't want to make any promises to SS9 because I have no idea where he'll be going, if she will have the money. She doesn't think ahead more than a couple of months, she's not going to know about 3 years from now.

SS12 also has unrealistic expectations about what goes on at this high school. I think he's gotten it from the school marketing, his mother's biased view on religious schools and that his friends will be going to this school. According to SS12, there's no bullying at this high school (there's bullying in every school, it's just how the administration deals with it), it's all sport fields and green (to date, SS12 hasn't shown any interest in taking up school sports even though we try and encourage him). I feel like he's going to start talking about rainbow and bunnies soon.

I now worry that because of these unrealistic expectations, when he goes to high school it's going to be an extra big shock to the system. The kids aren't top dogs anymore. His friends may find new friends (going through transition often can happen). SS12 also has learning difficulties and we expect the change in learning pace to hit him hard.

It also annoys me that he is now putting BM on a pedestal because she's paying for the school that he wanted to go to. In his story, she's the hero and because she's making such a sacrifice for him. But she's not making the sacrifice - at least not now. BM is getting her mother, sisters and BF to foot the bill for the first year. Then after that - who knows who is going to pay...someone always comes to her rescue "for the kids". It used to be us, but we won't be doing that anymore.

And what about his Dad and I, who have to pay for all his every day expenses. For years SO paid more than what was required in child support - child support + half of expenses. When we took the kids, BM promised to do the same - it was the only reason we agreed to the private religious primary school. Now we are stuck with no child support, paying her share of the expenses as well as 50% of primary school fees!

I try and tell myself that at least he's going to the school SS12 wanted. What would have happened if he didn't get the school he wanted to go to, and the blame that would be directed at us if anything went wrong. So at least we are in the clear that way. I think about the basis on which SS12 made his decision about where to go to high school - because all his friends were going there. In the end, sending both kids will cost $70,000 (not taking into account inflation). That's a huge expense so that SS12 can be with his friends. I hope that whoever is footing the bill feels that it's worth it in the end. I know I should stop worrying and just be relieved and happy that it's not me.