Last Straw ;[
Husband came home looked around and asked what did I do all day? Everything ii DID he wouldn't be able to Comprehend. I seriously want to cry I feel so exhausted from all of this. CPS Baby Momma drama Ss10 24 hours a day 5 and half days a week. Custody battle amending n fighting taxes because BM wants ALL the stimulus money n could care LESS about SS10. N Husband thinks oh I work Thats all he has to do. I can balance the budge pay the bills shop for the family and home take care of 3 kids 3 dogs the daily chores, Full parenting and care giving to the children and dogs feeding cleaning medical and over all well being also work and earn my share while keeping the house clean and mess free. Breakfast for everyone means I don't have shower n make up time so he will make comments about I need to take better care id myself. I ask for help sometime he helps but it's like 10% when I need 100% Yes he is a great provider he has stuck it out 5 years with this and I honestly think it's the stress from BM cps and court and the constant need of SS10 he is so needy because he never received the teaching the attention the love that he needed he really needs alot right now n I think I'm exhausted Husband doesn't get it he works and is gone from 9am to 9pm but he doesn't see the happiness and energy I'm investing in the children he is so moody and unhappy and comes home n just ruins the night with his yelling and complaining about the mess when I swear by God i caint keep it all clean I caont do everything that needs ro be done in a day alone he doesn't get it. I need him to be Better. I just feel like he's tierd to and it's easier for him to leave and give up sadly he use to be my friend now we caint even talk to eachother things have changed so much since ss10 moved in with us and it's so sad because none of this is ss10s fault he is a child who was born to people who had no business being parents. Me I love being a parent but I also HATE being a Step parent. I didn't create Him or his laundry list of problems. But here I am Everyday for the last 5 years exhausting myself trying to help correct them. I have my own 2 that need my attention Also a career (yeah right caint be dependable) Education (and sleep?) Self care is one thing I've been working on but all this stress is to much I feel like I don't love my husband anymore I feel like he isn't helping me enough and blaming me for how the mess is instead of helping clean or care for the kids no he just puts me down n complains about what I don't do right . I am broken I dnt feel anything for him anymore I won't apologize I'm not sorry this time because I don't need to DO better No not Me He does. and if he caint that's OK it sucks for everyone who needs him ss10 needed one stable parent because I am Not his parent I am step mom when me n dad don't work im nobody to him
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Comments
Oh wow. Your husband is a
Oh wow. Your husband is a first-class arse. First off, you are working from home. YOU HAVE A JOB. You don't have the time to clean the house, take care of kids, do all the shopping, cook all the food. If he can't understand that then seriously he is lacking in both intellect and imagination. I have three suggestions for you:
You deserve so much better than this. Your life is not an easy one and your DuH just makes it worse. Carefully consider what you want your life to be like in 5 years time and make your plans.
Currently I'm applying for
Currently I'm applying for telework jobs that takes energy everyday I need some time to do the applications interviews ect. but that's maybe a few hours a week. I also have alot of Dr appointments due to a car accident I was in. And I have my own business I teach classes a few times a month I earn More then my fair share hiring someone is a great idea the kids do help but they have school all day too n o have to make sure they do their stuff on top of breastfeeding my 10 month old its just not
I agree, plan time away when
I agree, plan time away when DH is off from work go to a spa, relax, pamper yourself.
Leave DH to handle everything and turn your phone off.
IF you want to stay married
IF you want to stay married (and I can totally understand and support if you don't), do you have the funds to hire help? A housekeeper, babysitter/nanny, someone to mow the lawn, etc? Can you have groceries delivered? If you can offload some of that work (and you Dumba$$ Husband needs to pay for the majority of it), then that may reduce the stress enough to help you both get to a place where counseling would do some good.
Yes, your DH is a jacka$$ of the highest order. I wouldn't stay. I didn't stay when my XH behaved similarly (not the only reason I left, but we were both working full-time, but because I worked closer to home, he expected things clean and nice by the time he got home; he wasn't a fan of doing his part of the chores). But, if staying is important, it's time to sit down and find some additional help that your DH pays for. You put in the elbow grease to manage it all, so his contribution needs to be paying for it. If it's not affordable to do that, or he balks, you leave.
It sounds like you are going
It sounds like you are going through a lot of stress and it sucks that your husband isn't more supportive.
To clarify. Are you working a FULL tiime job from home in addition to trying to do all the other things related to child care, meals and home management? If that is the case, you and he need to look into getting some help in to take some of the load off. Perhaps a housekeeper once a week... maybe even someone to help with childcare occasionally.
If you meant that the child care and the home things are full time jobs.. yes.. I would agree that they take time to accomplish. It sounds like between a baby and a stepson who has extra needs... you have a decent amount of responsibility. But.. if your husband is really WORKING that 12 hours he is outside of the home.. I'm not sure if HE has the bandwidth to do more himself. In this case.. I think he may be a little more justified in having some expectations that the house not look like a tornado victim.. but he doesn't have to be an arsehole about it.
You do say you have a 13 yo and the stepson is also old enough to be managing some of his own issues.. like helping with chores in the home. BOTH of these older children need to be put to task on helping around the house.. perhaps if they experience the consequence of making a mess... they will be more likely to be less messy? They can both help with meals too.
Otherwise, other things you could do to make your week more stressful.. and more organized so that certain "important" things get done in a reasonable time might be helpful. Meal planning and prepping help lots of people who are tight on time. I
I am not saying this should be ALL your responsibility.. but from your description.. your DH works outside the home long hours too... and if you are also working.. it makes sense to hire some help in. If you aren't working an outside job.. figuring out how to do the core work more effectively might help you have less stress.