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Winona SD18 accuses Tweedle of "standing over her and being creepy" while she slept

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Wed, 05/03/2017 - 3:37pm

So this happened:

Last night, while cooking a nice dinner for Munchkin SD10 and myself, SO receives several long texts from Winona SD18. She tells him that while sleeping at BM's apartment, (after being choked and slapped by her she STILL likes to go there after school...) she woke up to see Bm's boyfriend, Tweedle, standing over her, with his shirt "sort of up", and he walked away with a red face and went to the bathroom. Nothing was said or done. From what I understand this is the first time in about 3 years this has happened, so it is out of the blue.

BM was not there - she has been "dating" a coworker about 40 miles from apartment, so she was not there to witness anything. I do not know if Winona told her mother anything.

Winona tells SO that she is having flashbacks to when her mother "hurt her", so she needs to be at our house full time. Asked him for a ride, while he is in the middle of cooking dinner. He tells her to walk the distance, it is super warm weather, and its 1/2 mile away.

My questions are:
~ Should I give any advice to Winona? I feel like I should stay out of it. Winona is 18 now. But I would advise her to tell her mother, in confidence.
~ I accept the need to provide sanctuary - a safe place for the child to be when she is being and feeling threatened with any kind of abuse, I am definitely all for that. All I want to know is how to also have some kind of privacy for SO and I. Winona is ALWAYS there. When Munchkin is at her mothers, she remains. And when we go out, she begs and demands to go with us. I ask SO to have her stay with her grandma, on our date nights, and he agrees with this. Am I being insensitive? Selfish?
~ Ok, now about this Vegas trip. Her mother abused her, and now she wants to go on a trip with her. To Vegas. My sympathy extends only so far, I believe that if you keep putting yourself into a dangerous situation, then you risk the outcome. She is an adult now. I feel like I am being too harsh.

Comments

smomofone's picture

Submitted by smomofone on Wed, 05/03/2017 - 4:13pm

I would suggest not to give advice unless she asks for it. She is obviously like a battered wife who keeps going back. Not much you can do for her there until she decides enough is enough.

At 18 can't she stay home alone while you go on your dates? If she begs to go just say no.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Wed, 05/03/2017 - 4:24pm

She's 18. Plus, haven't you often said she's a giant liar? I wouldn't "convict" the man solely on the basis of statements from a known liar.

Not to mention that at 18 the man did nothing (if true) legally wrong. He and Winona can strike up a romance now if they want. Winona has to learn to handle some things herself. Not doing well in school, right? Well, solving every problem or discomfort for her is not going to motivate her to straighten up and fly right. She already had plenty of reason not to return to her mother's house but she did it. Now this story. I would probably tell her if she goes on the Vegas trip you will have to believe that nothing at her mother's house is too bad and you're not interested in mythical drama.

I don't think you have to keep thinking of her as a "child" who must be taken in every time she cries wolf. I would start letting her experience some consequences of her choices.

If she doesn't want to live at mom's house of horrors, don't go there. And do well in school so you can get your own place when you get a job after graduation.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Wed, 05/03/2017 - 4:29pm

Winona SD18 is a sociopathic liar. But aren't we supposed to believe them anyway? Geeze. This is confusing to me.

SO, bless his soul, basically told me the same thing: "Settle down CLove, she needs to learn the hard way how to deal with life on her own."

But I think and feel and know, that she is emotionally not 18, but much younger. No boyfriends, no job, no license, never ever goes out on her own ANYWHERE. Talk about letting the caged bird out into the world. Her wings just don't seem to work!

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Wed, 05/03/2017 - 4:33pm

LOL. Tinkerbell!!! LOL. Love that. Thank you. I guess that I need to take my cape off, and settle down.

Great advise. She needs to conjour up her own magic. She does need therapy. She is interested in psychology, so maybe she can practice on her mother and father.

I told her that she is an adult now, I can advise but it is up to her.

And yes, she is a major DRAMA PRINCESS. I personally am over it. Give me my rabbit and my plants and flowers, my convertible top down on a sunny day, chilled wine in front of a firepit at the beach, I am into that. Do not like or enjoy the Jerry Springer type merry-go-round she seems to like.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Wed, 05/03/2017 - 5:00pm

Unfortunately, she cannot. Grandma is 95, blind, somewhat deaf, and drives her crazy asking her for things. She requires full-time attention, and one of her sons lives with her full-time, and he only asks for weekends off. SO will ask her to stay there only on days/night that we need offtime, no - kid zone time.

Yes, Diminished, I realized that she was a special sort of dangerous a while ago. I saw this happening, that somehow, someone would be accused of inappropriate behavior of some kind. I knew that as she got older, her capacities for lies and manipulation and all the other stuff, would grow in proportion. The capacity for doing wrong would get bigger. Although she cries poor me to dadeee all the time, he has to approach it carefully and still be tough.

Luckily, SO has asked me to be "hands off", to a degree. She just lies so much, and I cringe when there are family gatherings, because I just know that she will misrepresent us to the rest and just will have to trust that they wont believe her.

Hand-full is an understatement - she is a minefield of manipulations...a boatload of lies...a megatron full of attitude. aaak.