So, as Munchkin has been advancing towards her teen years, things have gotten more out of whack, after a brief semi-normal period.

I need advice as to how I should approach things. I dont want to push anyone away, and I dont want to be disrespected. I dont know if I am making too much of a little thing, or if my feelings are vidicated. Such a tough line!

My issue: we have 50/50 custody with much in the way of flexibility. I am currently not working (not my choice!) and am busy looking for jobs and trying to lose weight, but my time is extremely available. This is my SOs week, and his HCBM is on her summer vacation, while munchkin just started her vacationing. So, its perfect time for mother-daughter bonding. Why would she want to stay home with me? (forget about the fact that previously during vacations she and I would go on advantures together and her mother just stays in the dark, messy apartment...) . Well, I asked SO this morning what was up with Munchkin, was he dropping her off, he said "I dunno, kiss goodbye". Then I knock on Munchkins door, and wait for her to finish changing, ask her what is up, where is she going, and she sais "well my mom wants to hang out with me, she sais whatever I want is ok".

My response was "great! This is the perfect time for that! Do you need me to drop you off, is she picking you up, what is going on?"

Her response, "um I dunno". So I go for my workout. Gymn is right around the corner, she has her phone, has instructions of no opening door, no cooking, and she is 12, with parental permission to be at home alone short periods of time. An hour later, Im wondering what is going on, and ask her if she is still at home.

Her response: "no my mom just picked me up".

I feel that she has disrespected me because when I am entrusted to her care, I expect that she will let me know when one of her parents is picking her up, or anyone for that matter. I feel that when I am entrusted with her care, that I am extended the same authority (within reason) and the same expectation that I will be notified of any and all pickup of this child. Her staying behind while SO rushes off to work is for his convenience in not having to backtrack and do drop off. Also for BMs convenience in timing when she gets child. Also for childs convenience of whenever, whatever. 

Am I wrong in feeling wronged? Yesterday BM and Munchkin SD12 wrre hanging out, I guess at the pool, and I asked when BM would drop her off, and the response a few hours later was "mom had wine and doesnt want to drive, so dad can pick me up..."

BTW - even while not making much money, and being unemployed, I still pay HALF this childs phone bill. And child is hormonal and moody, sleeps a lot, is lethrgic, and was moody with me last night, with attitude, because of something I did or said. I am fuming and want to say something when SO brings her over. Something like, "you'll be dropped off by your father from now on, because you couldnt let me know of anything and your lack of response to my questions and requests for information. In the future, when you are in my care exclusively, you wil need to be better at communication, or you will not be in my care anymore."

Is that too much? Im already not wanting to take her to any locations/play dates because of her lack of appreciation & poor attitude when I did so, prior.