Long Con Revelations
Im steaming mad right now. Not thinking clearly, and I am taking some time to cool off and think logically. Writing it out here really helps. Plus the golden nuggets of advice.
Ive done untangling the whys and whats.
Powersulk SD17 and I were conversing last night. Just light conversation. Friendly.
She brought up her sister, and ranted a bit.
The topic was Feral Forger and her Dad Bashing. The story goes that FF was Dad Bashing to her cousin, who happens to be close to Husband. Lets call him Dashing. When Dashing heard the DB from FF, he told her she needs to stop. She needs to stop all the DB, completely.
This opened up my internal can of Worms. I want to do what Rags suggested and bare her a$$ to the entire clan. About EVERYTHING. No holds barred. I want to bury her in the stench of her horrible behavior. I want to let it all out:
About her incessant lies
About her stealing
About her false accusations:
1. her father being not a father to her, evil Clove "took him"
2. Her auntie (who happens to be Dashings mother btw) who she accuses of stealing from her mothers estate
3. Her uncle who she accuses of sexually harrassing her
4. Her sister accused of being violent
About her being abusive towards me and her sister
Im trying to figure out the HOW do I do this?
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Comments
It is simple, you don't do it. No good will come from it.
It is simple, you don't do it. No good will come from it. And remember, Powersulk is not always a reliable narrator. How does she know for sure what Dashing said unless she was actually there? And if Dashing knows the truth, let Dashing tell the Clan. Again, no good will come from you telling anyone in DH's family anything bad about Feral Forger. Tell us, get it all out here, and then let it all go.
They all know who she is.
They all know who she is. They might be willfully putting their heads in the sand and playing "fake nice", they might be a bunch of idiots who will deal with her anyway, or they might be so dysfunctional themselves that they don't see anything wrong with her behavior. But they know.
I dont think they know EVERYTHING
I dont think they all know. Because Ive gotten side eyes...I really think not everyone knows the deal.
What makes you think they
What makes you think they would believe anything you told them? They'd just think you were a stirrer...
True
So there really is no way to enact any repercussions except for excluding her from our lives.
Dashing
I was thinking of going straight to the source. Thank him for having our backs and explaining to HIM the details..?
Won't help. Somehow it's
Won't help. Somehow it's going to get turned around and come back to bite you. It's tempting to think "If you can't beat them, join them." But the Dysfunctional Asshole Club is not where you belong. I considered joining too. Not worth the price of admission.
Once, during BM2's ex-parte
Once, during BM2's ex-parte nonsense, i thought about telling her husband about her 10-times-daily phone calls to SO, the late night drunk calls, and her constantly wanting to come to SO's house and cook dinner. Lately, i've thought about letting some of the shitty things SO does slip to some of his family members. But, i realize, none of these people give a crap about me, they probably know about SO and BM2's sneakiness, and it would do absolutely no good. The only way to deal with crappy people is to minimize or stop your dealings with them.
You don't.
You don't.
Near as I can tell.. FF was spinning a web of lies.. the cousin told her to knock it off. And in all likelihood, that cousin KNOWs that FF is a lying manipulating Piece of Crap.
You don't need to get involved in any of it. All that will happen is in some twisted way, you will be blamed for airing dirty laundry.
Please resist all temptation to get involved.
You shouldn't have even been talking to PS about her sister.. not have been having friendly conversation with someone who was basically gossipping about her sister.. and likely does the SAME about you when she is talking to her mom or sister.
And thats why
Thats why I write it out here. So...I was thinking of just texting Dashing a small thank you for having our backs...?
Do Not Get Invovled. FF will
Do Not Get Invovled. FF will *find out* SD told you and that will be another whirlwind situation for you Clove.
SOs family knows how much of an asshole SS20 has been to me.... they are still *nice* to him at family parties because... they have their adult drama kids to deal with..nevermind a niece or nephew.
We all talk crap about SOs SIL because she's heading for divorce from his brother and it's HER fault. We are still *nice* to her at family gatherings... for now...
ITS NOT OUR BUISNESS. All families have drama and gossip. Tell your husband. If you wants to confront his nephew about HIS daughters gossip then so be it.
You stated days ago you feel like the family is acting weird towards you...
Dont open another can worms for yourself!
STAY OUT OF IT!
Good idea
Husband wont do anything to his precious spawn. He refuses to parent the youngest, he wont do anything at all to eldest, because he wants to always be the "good guy".
Im already the bad guy, might as well prove it
They are family - blood
They are family - blood related. You are not. You wanna see how fast FF and TT are alerted to your comment? Just try it. You'll have an instant sh*tstorm.
Please stand down.
You have to trust that all lies will be exposed in due time. People who've dealt with FF likely have a clue that she's a lying POS.
You will look like a meddling gossip if you do anything.
please do not even do that.
please do not even do that. it will not go well, you will get a crap load of anger and nonsense. please please please do nothing. nothing at all. not today, not tomorrow. nothing.
Thank you!
No, I understand it will reflect badly on me and no repercussions for Feral Forger SD24.
I will have to wait for the trash to take itself out.
NO.. bad idea.
NO.. bad idea.
Because how would dashing think you even knew about the situation? you would be breaching PS's confidence in you as someone she can "vent without repurcussions".
And.. you get side eye because FF isn't the only one spinning things.. you already know PS does too.. so does BM.. and guess what??? I guaranty your SO uses you as an excuse with his family.. FF doesn't have to spread the stories.. everyone else is doing it for her. too.
Take that kernel of satisfaction that someone stood up for your SO.. and move on.
Sweetheart Cousin
I vented to her also, and she said the same things "do you trust powersulk". She actually was burned by Feral Forger and heard FF Dad Bashing also, and defended. She works for Dashing, so perhaps she can confirm with him also.
leave this alone. don't try
leave this alone. don't try to confirm.. don't thank.. put it in the folder labled "hmmm interesting" and don't dwell on it.
I know you are craving some validation that you are "right" and justified.. you won't ever get it.. the family may be protective of each other against each other.. but you are not one of them.. and won't be given the same grace.
you will never be loved or validated or appreciated by this family.. to keep looking for that and wanting to prove you are worth it.. is futile.
Nope
you are spiraling and I know cause I'm prone to the same. We get in our own heads. The injustices done to the men we love and we know the truth makes us want to be the hero and restore his reputation to people.
Remember the rest of the world's opinion isn't important. If randos including his own family wanna believe the worst about him and not talk to him about it first, that tells him and you what you need to know. They aren't worth your time.
You need to play chess vs checkers. You have all the info and facts. She will need daddykins long before he will need her. You have all the backup as to the how and why you and this "terrible" father can't help/be used down the road by her. That's when you bare her a$$ with her own words and actions.
Clear up your life of the drama. I'm sure it is not conciously but you are addicted to the drama from this ongoing bull$hit you've been living for so long.
Im worried though
Like JRI and her experience, these daddy cakes will twist themselves and everything else to please their spawns, and Im worried that if shes not cut off competely she will succeed in getting all her sympathy. And twist the knife hard enough that daddy cakes will do what she wants him too. At the least cause conflict between us.
That is a valid concern. And
That is a valid concern. And a hard line in the sand. You don't need to do anything but draw that boundary. Your husband will believe what he wants. You can begin protecting yourself and planning how to protect your assets in the future. But they know. My SO still has SD24 living with him. He admits she is a pathological liar (apple didn't fall far), but keeps giving her $500 here, $6000 there. Ain't my money so he can do what he wants. But knowing your kid is a POS and setting boundaries are 2 different things.
People really don’t care on
People really don’t care on the level that you do how bad FF is, because they have never had to or will have to live with her. All the trauma I have gone through with Spawn and Meth Mouth nobody can even come close to relating to how I feel about it or about them. I have told family members what I have endured, and their response is usually “I mean but look at how bad it was for Spawn, being taken away from her mother, and the trauma she had to endure.” Or “well I mean yeah Meth Mouth is an addict she’s not in control of herself.” I learned that nobody could empathize with you unless and until they have lived the same experience and had to go through it for years on end. Bash away here we get it, but out there to her family they will protect her.
Bashing daddy cakes
I feel you are right. Thanks for "talking me off the ledge".
Even though its Feral Forger against her own Dad, it would still reflect badly on me.
THIS! Dear CLove, ...
CLove, you and me have a lot in common - kind, sensitive, NorCal ocean-loving empaths who are very compassionate, giving, creative... and BURNED for all the goodness we lovingly brought to our marriages to Failed Former Families (hat tip to Rags!). We honor the truth and crave JUSTICE. We hurt tremendously when used, lied about, and stolen from. We are anxious creatures prone to ruminating & being HYPER ALERT for any more potential b.s. headed our way.
In 12-step they say, "Our character defects are just our character assets gone awry." In my own life, for self-preservation, I had to confront myself on the ruminating and strong craving to "Set the record straight." My now exH and his spawn had talked MUCH SH*T about me, and that hurt - especially when I learned about it from my out-of-state ex-sister in law (who I loved, and who knew better as she knew their family dynamics & behavior patterns) who was actually the 1st one to tell me to divorce her brother a couple of years before I actually did. They also used me and made me wary about continued using exH for $$$, which falls under "Marital Assets" in Cali's community property law... EVEN WITH SEPARATE ACCOUNTS. Ask me how I know.
I recognize your feelings because I can relate to them soooOOOo much. Although I'm no longer married to or in any contact with exH or his family, I am still raw and healing - feeling the impacts of the incredible stress and turmoil I went through with them as a 3rd wife StepMom who got used & lied about... by people I loved and was very generous with.
All that to say - I agree with everything most StepTalkers are advising (on this blog, your more recent blog, and your prior bligs). This sh*t can eat you alive if you let it! It hurts my heart to read your blogs because you continue to engage, and let "The Artist Formerly Known as Munchkin" continue to reel you back into the b.s. instead of serenity & detachment. Please, please, PLEASE let it go and do not talk to anyone in that family about how you feel, what you know vs. lies by FF, TT, BS, Sweetheart Cousin... ANY of them. Because, as others here have pointed out, it will only come back to hurt you. And you've been hurt and burned enough, dear CLove.
It takes discipline, self-honesty, and restraint to resist the ongoing temptations to involve yourself. I get it. However, there is no satisfaction for you in continuing to entertain thoughts of setting the record straight or involving yourself. So please - confront your own self when those thoughts/ideas come up. Keep writing here, instead, so you can get it out & release it to people who understand & care about you. I am one of those people; been following your blogs for many years now.
Im feeling better
And there is a family gathering Saturday, where I plan on looking fab and being fab, and Feral Forger can muck around the mucky muck.
How did it go?
Sorry for the belated check in on the event.
Did FF chameleon or did she implode and expose herself. as the shit that she is?
Were you okay with it all?
She never showed
We had a FAB time.
if you were to say anything
if you were to say anything (and DO NOT SAY ANYTHING) it will end badly for you. 1. you will put daddy into protect my offspring mode. 2. Power sulk will avoid the wrath by saying you're lying and yes, he will believe her. And the rest o' the kinfolk will circle their wagons because while FF is a lyng, coniving bag of dog crap, she is their lying coniving bag of dog crap and they will always protect her. Always.
Just thought of something...
There is a gathering in February for a cousins 1st bday. Supposedly Feral Forger is going. So, she might prevail on a local cousin to drive here there, so its likely she will be there.
The last party She smiled and said hello to me.
If she tries anything, Im going to simply say "naaah, dont even, I know what you are doing and what you have done, so dont even."
And you all are right - coming from me it would just inspire defensiveness. But from me to her? Verbally? She cant be the victim and she cant screen shot.
Just avoid her... don't take
Just avoid her... don't take any bait.. if she says something just walk away.. otherwise people see you as a participant in the drama.. or better yet.. don't bother going to this pit of viper celebration'
Walk away
yeah...I guess saying something will still give her ammunition. I want some Justice...but...
So...I will just let the trash take itself out.
you will never get justice.
you will never get justice. this is one of those situations.. where karma may or may not hand FF a bad card.. but nothing you say or do will have any impact beyond keeping you associated with the drama... it will only make you look worse.
I know it sucks that there are crappy people but it is what it is.. your best goal is to ignore.. and just let her live her life.. with as liittle overlap into yours as possible.
Karma's already hitting FF.
Karma's already hitting FF. She's not settled down, she has no loving relationship, her ties to her family aren't stable, she ain't gettin' any younger, and at her age she should at least have a foothold on life.She's got nothing. Trust me she knows she's not succeeding t life.
She has a boyfriend
Shes cute, hes cute and she calls him her "golden retriever".
But low level job with low level pay and no drivers license.
Id like to see something so will play the long game.
You're not going to get ANY
You're not going to get ANY justice that will satisfy you.
Don't you understand that people like FF and her ilk THRIVE on drama. You making that comment will fire her up, then she'll drag you and your husband through the mud, and her fellow drama lovers will vilify you.
pratice smiling and murmering
pratice smiling and murmering something vague. Like when you are seeing the doctor before your colonoscopy. you aren't happy to see them but you don't want to piss em off.
Don't do it , Clove
Bad karma.
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
You think I haven't wanted to "bare" BioHo's arse to the world? Refute all of the lies ahe told about me? Tell the skids what a lying, cheating, wh0ring POS 'Ho is? I know where 'Ho works. I know 'Ho's boss. I know soooo many facts I could get her fired. I could bloody well bury her.
To what end? Where will that get me? It won't get me anywhere good. It won't be a happy ending. Sure, I might feel good for a few days, having unleashed my knowledge to proverbially knock BioHo into the dirt in multiple ways. And then I'd feel like a great big piece of crap.
Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. I'm better than that. And so are you. Take the high road, CLove.
One thing about people who
One thing about people who are just horrid in life is that they're really good at their con game since they've been doing it for a long time. So trying to beat them at their own game is A LOT of work / energy that could be spent in better ways.
So like others mentioned getting wrapped up in the drama / trying to air her dirty laundry will probably somehow get turned back around on you.
If you do decide to air her out .... you have to be very strategic about it.
These kids have mental health problems
This will not effect the way they think. They are " right". The whole world is wrong. Back to what you refuse to do is disengage .
A disengage person doesn't get court up in this mess. Knowing they will never win. DH doesn't have your back, it might with his relationship with FF.
Just maybe......
FF opened this pandora's box. by DB your DH with the Cuz. Discuss it with the Cuz. PS is in the loop, Cuz is in the loop, Cuz's mom is probably in the loop, no doubt there are others.
All that is needed is for some tie in/confirming convos to occur. Reach out to Cuz and Cuz's mom and open conversation on how confused you are by FF's lies and DB activities with Cuz and the estate theiving clams against Cuz's mom. All it takes is to get one snow flake rolling down that slope and and occassional added bit of gravity/push and the whole pallette of FF lies and manipultive crap can be exposed family wide. No need to do much other than "Cuz and Cuz's mom, I am so sorry that FF has attempted to roll you into her DB actions against my DH. I wish I understood what her end game is. What do you two think?" Get the conversation started, and ask leading questions to keep the inertia going untill... the whole clan is involved nad FF starts living the stench of her ways rather than just being the one tossing flaming turds at everyone else.
Baring ass does not have to include staking the twitching body of the toxic out in the sun on top of a fire ant mound. Make it the death by a thousand cuts model by refreshing memory of FF's crap that she doled out to the whole family over the years.
This also may start to divine some epiphanies in PS as to what she is currently doing to follow in FF's and TT's footsteps.
Just be on DH's arm emoting love and concern as you get the snowball rolling into an unstoppable avalanche of consequences for FF.