Aw, hon, I've got nothing except {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}.

However, I believe you have the right idea: create new options and get on with your life.

Oh man that sucks.

Two weeks ago BM decided she didn't want to be "blamed for SS's behavior anymore" and dumped him on us. I get a text on the way home saying SS is living with us full time now. It's something we always wanted and talked about but the suddenness of it was shock to the system and we did have a huge argument about it that night.

Did you SO say why he didn't tell you about the change? Fingers crossed they don't like it and go back to 3 days.

Ughhh I am having flashbacks of Mine and DH's early years in StepHell. I finally managed to break DH of the "making big changes without discussing" habit by not being available for his changes. He would agree to having me keep the SS's while I worked without my permission or knowledge. I work from home. So I started planning meetings outside of office on purpose so he would have to scramble around and make other arrangements. "sorry DH, you probably should have checked with me first"
I did that for a whole summer. I would plan an offsite meeting (or make one up) just so DH would have to change his schedule around or back out of the agreement he made.
I had no issues with him taking the SS's extra time if he was home to deal with them. But when he involved me without my permission, I made sure it was way more trouble for DH then it was worth.

If you SO expects you to be the care taker for those extra days, make other plans and tell him no. If he will be around to do the heavy lifting, make other plans to pamper yourself and get away from the chaos. I also found by leaving DH along with the SS's, it make him actually interact with them. He had to cook, watch and pay attention to them. I took off and had dinner with friends, went to work out, visited family. Left him to handle it. After a few times of doing that, DH wasn't so keen on spending so much time with them alone.

SO wouldn't know a partnership if it walked up to him, kissed him on the lips, slapped him in the face, and put a knee to his crotch.

Maybe you should give the last two a try, just to be sure.

I would be pissed, as well.

Sorry about your mom! I'll keep her in my prayers.

I would have been pissed too! I discuss EVEYTHING that has to do with our home with DH prior to making decisions.. that's just how I am, to me it's common freaking courtesy since we share the same space. So if BS7 asks to have a friend over to play, I run it by DH first, if I'm contemplating having my mother over for dinner, I run it by DH first. If I'm thinking about having a friend stop by to see the horses or something, I run it by DH first. But when DH UNILATERALLY decided to move SD in, he just TOLD me that he was going to pick up SD, that she was moving in. I broke out in tears, he got pissed, then I got pissed and oh joy, that was the start of a shitty ass 2 years, that probably could have gone A LOT differently if things would have be discussed FIRST!

I guess on the bright side, while they will be with you an extra 2 days, they'll be GONE an extra 2 days too? Ugh. Sorry!

So relatable, CLove. All the hugs and well wishes to you.

PS: Bravo for smoothie making and exercise. I tend to smoke and drink - which helps NOTHING.

That's some suckage alright.

Your last paragraph, yep, that's a good bit of what keeps me disengaged. If DH (and his parents) want me to feel as though I'm on the outside looking in - so be it. I refuse to have others navigate MY life and home.

And I understand you're really not in that position to fully disengage. Hugs to you.

When skid weekends are upon us, I live a different life. I fell for the old "skid-sitting when DH worked a Friday night" biz. Then it was one of them leaving something they NEEDED at home or asking me for a ride somewhere. Nope. Not happening. The next time my DH had to work on a skid weekend Friday and said the skids would be there at 4:30pm, I said, "Oh, are you off now?"
"No, baby. I thought you'd be home."
"Oh, no. I'm going out with my sister."
"What time will you be home? BioHo can bring them later."
"Sweetie, we're going out DRINKING. It will be after midnight."

Every time after that, I ALWAYS claimed to have plans. I would rather let mosquitoes suck me bloodless before ever skid-sitting ever ever ever again.

I'm sorry Clove and wish the best for your Mom. I think you have a good perspective on how to handle this. You absolutely deserve to focus on YOu.

One other thing, you said you made some mistakes in your career. Don't beat yourself up anymore. Knowing your mistakes adds character and makes you wiser.

Hugs to you and Mum CLove..... you both are in my thoughts...

now for the rest... fine fine fine, DH allowed the kids to decide what they want to do when, you are not being considered in this, well so be it, why stress about it? You just decided to disengage 200%... no need to consider them in this decision.

SD17 has 2 options getting to school, either she's early enough to go with DH or she walks, you will never give her a lift, DH just gave you 5 day holidays... be happy about it, you are not going to do any cooking or cleaning for 5 days.. hell that must be a very very nice feeling.... and you do not have to do laundry..