Im simply flabbergasted and blown away. Its like "how did I get here, was there a hurricane? Did the Bodysnatchers finaly arrive and invade my SO and his daughter, Munchkin SD12?"

For a time I thought we were all on the same page, together. But no, the keel was not as even as I thought it to be - one shove its now spinning out of control. And Im freaking blown away. I want to cry, I want to shout, I am silent because I do not even know what to do.

Yesterday, after thinking about things, and feeling weird about things, and not knowing what my role was and what my expectatios should be, SO and I had the DISCUSSION when he came home. It started calmly enough and then escalated. To me shutting down, shutting off, and walking way. And us going to dinner together (three of us including Munchkin) and it being mostly silent. Ok, now Im gong to cry. It was miserable, and SD12 gave me monosyllable answers to questions I asked, and argued with me in the deep angry voice she uses. SO tried being jovial, but I was mostly quiet - polite but quiet. So what started this? I am still trying to figure it out.

We talked about the fact that everytime HCBM spends even a little attention on her daughter, Munchkin throws me under the bus. Clove who? hahaha. We did sort of laugh at that, as I recalled a few months ago, SD12 crying big huge tears because her mother was more interested in texting her "different men" than paying attention to her own (remaining) daughter. Big sobs, as I held her shaking little body, murmuring "Im so sorry, it will get better, I promise, etc". Cut to now, and "oh mom wants to hang out, so she will pick me up sometime." CLove who? Im not adverse to a mother spending time with her daughter - just need to let me know what the plans are so I can plan accordingly. (have a huge party, etc. lol)

Then it came down to a discussion of how I am too much, I just need to "go with the flow". I am being too much the step mother type, I need to let go. All I wanted was a notification that SD12 was gone because her mother picked her up. I told her great! have an awesome day, but then was upset because there was no notifications. I felt like I did not matter. And mentioned it (big mistake), and then told SO that as long the child is at home under my care exclusively, I will definitely require notificatons before child leaves the house. You know normal stuff. (HUGE mistake). And then I said that if thats not the case she needs to be with her Gma. (WW 3) "this is her house too, and she can stay here, you are not an authority over her, you have absolutely no authority". 

So I said "I cannot have responsibility without authority and as your partner, I have authority by extension." (I thought I had all the answers...)

SO - "no you absolutely do not have authority over her AT ALL. And you are certainly NOT AT ALL responsible for her in any way. You do your thing and she can do hers - you are not to worry aout her at all". 

OK, great precedent = so what if shes 14 and takes off? What if I am gone to gymn, and she is snatched because she went outside or asnwered door? Im to not be concerned for her welfare and safety, I have no responsibility at all. Period. This is a change and I just dont know anymore. 

And then this morning, we start off friendly, as I ask what he wants of me, he tells me again "just go with the flow, leave her alone, she is still angry kid, and she will work through it, or not just leave her alone..." he continues with one foot out the door "well Im late now because we are talking about all this sh!t, and if you want a miserable mothereffer tonight, well keep doing what you are doing!" (we are supposed to go out to a concert tonight, sd12 is going to a church gathering with her friend)

I wanted to have a great day, go to concert, have kid free zone with SO and have an enjoyable time. How to do that now. I just want to dissappear. SD12 hasnt come out of her room, not to say good morning, not to feed critters (her only chore), nothing - shes addicted to her phone and stays in bed mostly with it. Plus, apparently she is angry with me. Oh. If youve read this far, you are probably wondering "CLove, what is Munchkin possibly angry about? Did you yell at her? Did you lecture her for not notifying you she was taking off while you were gone? Did you do something? Say something?"

No. the issue is I had a few glasses of wine and acted "weird". This is a trigger for her because her mother drinks a lot every day and acts violently. Was I violent you ask? Not at all. But I get the silent treatment and she has to really work through the trauma of my strange behavor. Also because mothers Exbf (who is still allowed to come around) would get drunk and argue, and got drunk and peed on the bedroom door in front of her. So I get silent treatment and bad attitude.

Thats all folks. Thank you for reading (if you made it this far). Excuse me while I implode.