After the Choices comes...no more choices
Happy Saturday steptalkers. I thought I should document my Friday, because (surprise) no SD17 Powersulk! Yep. "And just like that..."
Friday at work ends. Im tired and kind of downhearted, but feeling a bit like I wanted to kick up my heels (or rev my engine?) doing some car week stuff. Husband comes home, tired and in shoulder pain. We kind of look at each other "what do you want to do? I dunno what do YOU want to do?"
Im tired and anxious about the skid thing. He can probably tell, even though I dont say anything.
I purposely turned down free tickets to an event we already have tickets for, so that its just us that go and we arent going to include Powersulk CPS.
He looks at his phone "Powersulk is staying at her moms tonight, so I dont have to drop her off tomorrow and she wants to come by to pick up some of her stuff" (take it allllllll)
Im like "whaaaaat is going on? All of a sudden its ok to be there? I thought it was SOOOOO STRESSSSFUUUUUL".
The story goes that Toxic Troll wants to go on a date, and needs Powersulk to watch the dog for her (remember in 2020 TT and PS got a puppy) and is willing to pay (remember shes got money $21,000 for her head case) her to dog sit at the apartment.
I said strongly "yeah well she needs to stay the whole weekend into next week".
he said "yes"
I said "she effed up things here with me, she needs to make it right with me if she wants to stay extra" (holding out false hope)
he said "Ive been having talks with her, but hey if she stays full time the next 9 months, no chcild support".
I told him "yeah, toxic troll wont let that happen, she takes pride in taking money from you".
I dropped it.
He tells me that the Beach Apartment is so gross and filled with trash that when they signed up for internet and sent someone to install the cables, that the first person was "too scared by all the mess" and refused to do it, so they had to send someone else.
What my takeaway is: These stories are meant to garner sympathy. Say some bad things about moms place to get sympathy from dad. He LOVES that. Then when needing sympathy from mom, tell her bad things about clove (but not dad). Maybe they are true stories. So what. 18 and graduate, figure that chit out.
We ended up having a nice evening drinking adult beverages and sitting on the back porch by the fire pit. Much better, but I still had to deal with powersulk and toxic troll coming by. Yep, they are back to bff, for now. The cycles continue and will continue, and Im just hoping that husband sees it and gets tired of it and wants to move on.
For me, more thinking and more going forward with whatever my future holds.
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Comments
How long is TT's date that
How long is TT's date that she needs a dog sitter?! And lol that her apartment was too gross for the cable guy. Those guys have seen some sh!t.
lol
Im thinking it will be one of those "probably stay overnight" type of dates. Or maybe an overnight, then some kind of going to a car week event thing. Husband has 2 classic cars, one of which he restored during their time together and she likes to brag to new guys (see how wonderful I am, with this ex that I am still friends with and look how cool he is...so now you know what standards I will be holding you to)
She likes to tell husband about her "dudes", to maybe make him think that she is doing so much better than he is.
I wonder how she describes her finances to the dudes? Anyone that gets together with her, will either applaud her freebie-grasping tenacity or be a bit turned off...
And yeah. Ive cleaned SD24 Feral Forgers room, when she left, and I can imagine that her mother isnt that much different. SD17 Powersulks room has generally always been somewhat tidy. Because dad leans on her.
But yeah, I bet the cable guy was skeered...Ive heard 2 guys tell me they were "creeped out" by toxic troll...
We had the same thing with SD61
When SD61 was a teen, we had the exact same thing. She was living with BM but they'd get into big squabbles. Normally, she'd whine to DH and it would fade away. But after OSS moved in, 4 months later, she and BM had a big one and SD ran away. Of course, everyone was upset and when she was located, the savior, DH, stepped in to "save" her from mean ole BM and she moved in. I personally think she realized the "permanent stay" door was open and saw a more prosperous life here.
So, SD moved in, we had the house remodeled, we went thru the new school routine, we bought clothes, etc. Then the honeymoon wore off. DH would get on her case and she'd call BM to complain. After one of their disagreements, she was back to savior BM and away from this repressive environment.
It's been a long time but I think we went thru this again once or twice. At one point, SD was so happy cuz she and BM were moving into a cool apartment with a pool, a big step up from living with angry dad, mean SM and 4 other kids. That lasted til BM dropped her off cuz she was getting married and the new husband and SD didn't get along.
On and on.....
like that old song
"on and on..."
Dang now I have it in my head!!!!
Yep. Those cycles keep on going...round and round and never stop. Im hoping that husband will see it for what it is. It keeps happening with Feral Forger too. Blow up, huge blow ups, then drama and more drama and then ...alls quiet as the make up begins.
And now its been going that way with Power Sulk too. But shes smarter and acts nicer. Shes not quite as sick as the other two.
But she has her temper tantrums, blasts out, ups the ante to whatever situation, and then boomerangs away to the other place.
Im going to wait this one out. We had our talk, he knows where Im at, and what I wont tolerate.
Good.
Good.
Let the trash take itself out!
Now that powersulk CPS is gone (temporarily) now is the time to set the standards for what you expect
Get your husband really relaxed and agreeable
Pull an Anna Nicole move and hide a recording device in your "rosebuds" and get him to agree and be on the same page with you.
before she is allowed back in and she needs to agree to y'all's rules before she traipses through the door of your home.
she actually
wasnt bad. She wipes her hair scum now, without being asked, shes been acknowleding me "hey" works. Shes staying mostly in her room, and doesnt have the bad attitude.
BUT, she did what she did and hasnt made things right with me.
Cause deep down on some level
Cause deep down on some level they (especially your husband) know they f*cked up but don't have the emotional intelligence to empathize with you / sincerely apologize
He might also be trying to simply butter you up to make you forget about her indiscretions so he and his mini spouse can live together full time.
TT came to your home? WTF!!!!
Did she stay her ass on the curb?
If not, did you have her arrested? If not, why not?
Arrrgghhh!
Time for the 9mo one page mark off calendar. Post it, cross off each day as it passes with a big RED X. Make it present, in their faces, and smile big when you mark the day off.
Take care of you!!!
yes
she sat in her car outside. No coming inside for her.
The thing is.. It's not "no
The thing is.. It's not "no more choices".. those same choices are just back around the corner.. you say your DH knows your boundaries.. but he stomps them repeatedly.. he will never tell PS that she cannot stay.. setting up an endless cycle of drama from one house to the next.. just like you have made your feelings clear about barnacle.. it's not that the guy is magically absent is he?
The same pattern goes on.. you set boundaries.. people go.."oooohhh she mad! and placate you. make promises.. even lip service to being right".. then you start to feel like you have to soften.. so that you can people please.. because they are so much better.. then they boundary stomp that inche into a million miles in an instant. then you get hurt..and angry.. and wonder what happened.
Clearly PS will continually have issues with her mom and TF.. because.. they are boundary busting drama queens. PS will continue to throw you under the bus when she feels sufficiently pushed by you to behave the way you want.. your DH will do little to set expectations for his child.. leaving you as the hammer.. and PS doesn't like being the nail. So.. she will be back and forth.. and this is likely to go on for many years.. it won't stop at 18.. I don't see her being mature enough to be on her own.. and her mom's place is probably not a mentally safe space for her anyway.. despite her enmeshment there.
Ive been thinking about those patterns a LOT
And some new thoughts have come up. Like when I get a text or call the typical after work call, and husband remarks that PowerSulk "is asking to come over", when its her mothers visitation. Theres always some justifyable reason like the "dishes for dollars" or she needs something...husband knows I dont want extra time anymore.
But now Ive been thinking a good response is "well I know what SHE wants, but what about what I want? And if you ask I want to be consulted when visitation changes. Because I may not want what she wants..."