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Clara Katherine's picture

Submitted by Clara Katherine on Fri, 12/14/2007 - 1:52pm

I am 21 and have a 38 year old live in boyfriend, who i have been with a year. we are 4 months pregnant, and im beginning to panic a little bit. he has a 4 year old daughter, who is beautiful and smart and he completely adores her. we have just gotten to where she is able to come stay with us. she is really competative with me, and im not sure what to do. when she is around it seems like im not allowed to have emotions. im not yet used to having to share him. she doesnt have her own room yet so she sleeps with us , and at bedtime (which is basically our only time together) she sleeps between us and snuggles with him and plays and gets her back rubbed and she doesnt want him to touch me, which doesnt seem to bother him at all. she was just here for a week and i lost alot of sleep. i would lay in bed with my heart pounding out of my chest. the other night i went to the other room and was really panicking and crying, and all i really wanted was for him to hold me and reassure me ( i later found out he heard me crying but apparently didnt care ). if im outside she'll say "daddy i dont want you to go outside". I havent spoken with him yet because im not sure how to approach it. i know the feelings im having are unhealthy, and i need to work that out with myself before our baby comes. HELP?

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Colorado Girl's picture

Submitted by Colorado Girl on Fri, 12/14/2007 - 2:22pm

and may not quite understand the "parenting" thing. Don't be jealous of the 4 year old! I think you are incorrectly interpreting his actions towards his daughter. It's a different relationship than the one your boyfriend and you are having. She's probably jealous of you as well and just wants her daddy. One of the things I love MOST about my husband is how much he adores his children and I wouldn't have it any other way.

My suggestion is that his daughter get her own bed ASAP. Four year olds need to be sleeping in their own bed, I don't think that situation is healthy for anyone involved.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."

lcooper's picture

Submitted by lcooper on Fri, 12/14/2007 - 2:48pm

Bedtime is time for the two of you, so it makes sense that you would feel invaded upon at that time. It is also much healthier for a 4 year old to have her own bed. Even an inflatable can be set up in the living room or something, right outside your room, anywhere. Get her her own little bed sheets and comforter, let her pick it out, make it seem special. Just that will help you to feel much better. And 4 year olds are very demanding of attention and time, and I suspect in time she will want to spend her time with the both of you, not just daddy. She is young enough that she isn't really feeling "jealous", but more craving the attention of her parent.

Also, give yourself a break, you are pregnant and emotional. Believe me, I'm pregnant too, and I can't stand myself sometimes. And your BF is trying to adjust to the situation as well, let him know how you are feeling, men are not capable of figuring this out on their own.

Best of luck!