Discipline Question
Hey Guys - I haven't blogged in ages but I lurk every single day. Lurking here has kept me sane. Things have been crazy busy of late and I have allowed myself to just get tied up in knots trying to do it all. Anyway just wanted to say hi to everyone - old and new - and to re-commit to participating fully to this community.
I have a scenario for everyone and would like some advice on what discipline you would recommend : my SD is 14 going on 34 and is a spoiled brat. Neither parent really deals with her hands on and what little progress I have seen in her at our house over the last year I credit myself due to my consistency with her. Of the things I can control with her she knows what flies and what doesn't. Recently she has gone somewhat out-of-control. She ran up a huge cell phone bill - $500 over in one month - she mouths off at her dad, my DH, constantly, her grades have been progressively getting worse throughout the school year and to top it all off she was recently caught out having phone sex with a kid from her school whom she had an "arrangement" with that they would be "FWB". She has a my space account with somewhat inappropriate photos on there and basically represents herself as some kind of sassy sexy chick. For all of this do you think 2 weeks grounding to her room is sufficient. She already had her phone taken away because of the overage in the bill, she had her online access taken away because of bad grades (but still managed to use the computer without our knowledge or her BM's) so really this latest "phone sex" issue has been dealt with by grounding her to her room for 2 weeks. I think she needs a much harsher punishment because she really hasn't suffered anything - she watched tv all day in her room because my DH didn't take that awy - she sunbathes through the window - she eats in her room (a big no no usually with me) and this week my DH let her use our house phone again which has remained permanently in use since Monday. Just wondering what you all make of this and what you would do in this situation. Thanks again guys and it's great to be back.
- Cindy's blog
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Comments
Lack of follow through ...
When a kid is grounded that includes the TV, IMHO. By allowing her to use the phone, when she's grounded from the cell phone - NO! I think there is just a lack of follow through.
I think you, DH and maybe BM need to come up with basic ground rules, with consequences for breaking the rule. If possible impliment in both households, with the same punishment. If she's grounded at BMs then she should be grounded at your house too, and vice versa.
Making her pay you guys back, or working off the $500 for the cell phone bill woudl be acceptable. That would also be punishment. Make a list of chores with a price by each one for the value. As she completes them then she is slowly paying you guys back.
If she were my kid ... no cell phone for until the bill is paid off. Restricted house phone privilidges (no talking in room, must be in room with adults) for the phone sex thing. Delete the MySpace account, and absolutely no computer access(BTW, consider she may be accessing it at the library). Two weeks grounding shoudl be all inclusive - no TV, eat with adults, must show production (reading books, writing a paper, cleaning up room, doing chores), no phone privilidges, NOTHING!!!!!
Then of course I'd be setting the house rules. But I'm a bitch and a strict parent.
~ Katrina
When I was a teen
I can't give you disceplinary advice from a parents perspective, but I can from a kid's perspective. I got in some big trouble when I was 17, and my parents took away my phone (had my own line) and my internet, my cellphone, etc. Well, I just got another phone and plugged it in to the jack in my room and hid it from my parents.
You want to punish this kid in a way that will force some progress? Tell her she will continue to be grounded until you feel she gains the understanding she is supposed to from being grounded. Cut her off from TV in her room. Take away her phone and don't let her use yours. Don't let her get on the computer. I was grounded over the summer too and let me tell you...when there's nothing else to do and you realize you're better off hanging out with the family than moping in your room doing nothing, you'll hang out with your family. I started watching TV with them, eating at the table, discussing worldly topics with them, working in the yard...eventually my parents knew that I had learned my lesson and was a better person for it.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
Feel old ...
Okay, Nymh, now I feel old. You got the Internet taken away as punishment growing up ... LOL, they didn't have the Internet until I was well out of college ... well, technically they've had the technology since 1965, but ... it wasn't used world wide until well after I was out of college. Oh, the good old days of the cardex and libraries! LOL
~ Katrina
No electronics and extra chores.
Punishment is punishment, not a mini-vacation in the child's room.
~ Anne ~
"Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other." -Walter Elliot