Ok, since I don't know where to begin... I'll just start rambling and hope some of it makes sense. I have only been a SM for about 10 months, and although my DH and I dated for about a year and a half before we got married... I had no idea how hard this gig would be. I was warned about it, sure, but mostly by people who didn't really have any first hand experience about step parenting. Why should I take the advice from my overtly pessimistic mother about what I was getting myself into, when she was basing all of it on the few encounters she'd had with step families in her past?? It's not like she really knew that, "my life was going to be Hell." Right? Don't misunderstand... I love my DH more than anything. I love his kids too (SS5 and SD2), but I am not delusional enough to think that I love them like I would/will my own children.

The XW, just like everyone else's... is a crazy, selfish, b#*@h who I equate her role as a BM as similar to a teacher who is constantly is out of the classroom (for one stupid reason or another) while I, the permanent substitute, am required to step in and actually do the teaching part. Meanwhile, she gets all the credit for her job as an excellent educator, and I am completely forgotten about. She is needy and controlling and somehow always flexes her "mommy muscles" regularly to get us to do whatever she wants. She has been engaged 3 times in the last year and a half, and openly admits to intending to "marry for money this time". Although, she will need to in order to ever get out of the debt she is in (another topic in and of itself)... which is only because she refuses to actually try and establish a career and earn a steady income. She spontaneously moved here from 900 miles away 3 weeks after our wedding (also another topic) and has been more out of work than in it ever since. Somehow she still manages to vacation and buy really nice clothes/shoes whenever she wants though.

I am a person who was always taught to work hard and it will pay off in the end. Never have I been in a position like this where I am fairly certain the feeble payoff isn't worth the work required to get there. I wish that I didn't, but I value recognition and respect, but this whole SM thing seems completely devoid of either one... ever. I always hear, "don't worry, someday they will see and know..." For me, that's not enough. I hate hearing them talk about "momma/mommy" when I am usually being more of a mother to them than she ever is and I get called by them the same thing everyone else on the planet calls me. I just feel like I shouldn't have to work so hard for a relationship where all I'll ever be is a glorified babysitter.