If I'm expected to be the "Nanny".....
Then I'll be charging both DH and BM for daycare (if it's legal). Well I've had some time to calm down since my last post when the GAL essentially stated that BM should be entitled to the skids always on her days off since I was available to watch the skids "anytime" that DH was gone for work. I've decided to channel my anger into a positive. I wrote our attorney an email immediately pointing out that under this assumption BM and SD were entitled to a dual income family while DH and I were not. Also BM would not have any day care costs, while Dh and I would and that this might prevent me from returning to work due to the costs associated with day care. I told DH's lawyer that I was insulted that the same court system that forbids me from having any rights to participate in this process (Mediation etc) would use my schedule as a deciding factor in placement schedule without even speaking to me. I pointed out that if the court expected me to be the child care provider, then I should be compensated for my services financially from both DH and BM. So I've been keeping track of all the hours that I provide child care for the skids while both DH and BM are working. We're meeting with our lawyer on Monday, so we'll see what he has to say. I'm not sure if it's legal, but if it is, you can bet your butts that DH and BM will be getting an invoice each month for my services!!!
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In My Experience
You won't see a dime.
I tried this too. My exH worked fulltime, and odd hours. I worked part-time as a bartender in the evenings - and my exH and I had agreed to maintain this arrangement to avoid daycare costs. I always kept the kids with me while he was working and then when I had to work he would watch the kids. I was able to make enough to support myself and the kids while also being with them everyday for most of the day. Win-Win for everybody, right?
After about a year, my exH decided he didn't want to do this anymore (meaning, hold up his side of it by watching the kids while I worked) because most of my work was on the weekends and it was cramping his style to be saddled with 2 kids all weekend.
So I told him, fine...my new DH would stay home with them in the evenings that I had to work...but BD was going to have to contribute "daycare" costs to have my DH watch them. I stated that it was the same as if I would have gotten a regular babysitter. I kept track of the hours my DH "babysat" my kids so I could work and then submitted invoices to my exH (BD) to pay his half. He argued that it was ridiculous for him to have to pay our children's step-father to watch them...I said maybe...but step-father shouldn't have to be saddled with 2 kids that aren't even his own just because BD won't take them!!
We ended up going to court over it - and sorry to say - my exH won that one. The judge said that step-parents should maintain equal and uncompensated responsibility in caring for the children in the home, because ultimately it is better for the child to be in the home with a parent(step or bio) rather than with a stranger. I thought then and still think today that decision was stupid. Steps are always told that their opinions don't matter, they have no authority, etc. even in the eyes of the court...but then this??? Makes no sense to me.
Hopefully you will have a better judge than I did and your outcome will be different, because I agree - you should get paid to watch them just as you would if they were a stranger's kids.
DARN....
I take care of SD4 for the most part... And I have felt like im the babysitter in the past as well... and felt USED... because since I didn't work and had my BS1 anyway... its easy for the BM to leave her here whenever she has something to do, and my husband works 7 to 5 every day... I love the child but at the same time is like... if im not the BIO parent, why should I have all this responsibility?...!!!
G