When SS10 was visiting this summer, he asked if we would be open to coming to BM's state to watch him play in one football game. Now, we haven't been to BM's state since 2018 because BM was using those out of state visits to argue in court that SS doesn't need to visit us here, that DH could do all visitation in BM's state, at our expense of course. BM wanted DH to visit SS in her state seven to ten weekends per year. DH refused and later, the judge refused, but BM kept remotioning for it. That is when court became extremely volatile and BM started to fight solely to win at whatever means necessary. Ultimately, BM didn't get the out of state visitation she wanted, but the trauma from court wasn't worth it. DH and I haven't been back to her state since because dealing with her just wasn't worth it. 

DH and I have been discussing it for a few weeks now and we agreed to go down for one weekend this Fall. Things with BM have calmed a bit aside from her occasional outburst. It is on our terms and since our CO is pretty much set in stone, this one visit wouldn't commit us to future visits. We discussed it with SS10 last night and gathered two weekend dates. We ran these dates by BM, requesting that SS stay with us for the duration of our visit and she was very agreeable and polite, even sending DH photos of SS after his last game, which like I told DH, isn't surprising because she is getting what she wants. BM is only ever "nice" when it works in her favor. 

So DH, DD, and I will be traveling to BM's state at the end of September for a single overnight, Saturday morning to Sunday afternoon. This allows us to see SS before Thanksgiving and allows DH and I to feel better about doing what we can to foster a relationship with SS. Plus, we have been feeling guilty about not stepping foot in BM's town for 4 years outside of pick-ups and drop-offs.

In other news, DH was reading through the football team app and one Mom posted, asking why 6 players were benched for the entire game this weekend. The head coach stated that he refuses to accept text messages or emails from parents about playing time for 24 hours after the game, to not ruin the win or deal with the loss. The head coach went on a long rant, calling out that parent specifically, highlighting that this team is only for "the best" and each player (i.e. SS) is hand selected by the coach for that team. He went on to state that it isn't just about coming to practice and playing in games, but dedicating yourself 100% to football and the team on and off the field. He stated that life is a competition, so he is setting his players up to compete for the rest of their lives. He stated to this Mom that there will be 3 games where the "playing time concerned parents" can watch their kids play (basically against the other league teams that suck) and to "invite the whole family" because basically, these kids won't be playing against any team that they may actually lose to; he needs his best players for that. He ended the statement with "Love above everything."

DH and I were appalled. It's like a frickin cult. This is youth football - the kids are 10 years old for crying out loud. SS of course made this team because he has been playing under this coach since he was 5. The coach has favorites - basically anyone who has played under him long term. SS told us that the head coach cusses at them constantly, dropping F bombs, and just last week, we saw on the app, that the coach was ejected from the game for unsportsman-like conduct towards the refs. This and SS is worried about not weighing 80 lbs and wants to go on a binging spree, weighing himself as he goes. It's all so unhealthy. BM loves it though and this is who BM chooses to be SS' male role model. When BM sent DH the photos tonight, she said "SS did so great. They called his name over the loud speaker so many times. He was the best." So there it is "SS IS THE BEST," which is all BM wants him to be. We can see where BM is getting her narc supply lately.