How to tow the hardline with BM without hurting the SK's?
Now that BM's pockets are full of cash, she is off and running spending it like a drunken sailor (which is no concern of mine really).
Her latest stunt--she flew to Nashville for a friend's wedding on Friday. Last night, SD mentions at around 5:00 pm that her mom isn't going to be back from her trip until late tonight (Monday) and so she and SS will be staying over at DH & my house.
So, DH is a firefighter and works 48 hour shifts, his latest tour started today. BM conveniently forgot to mention to him she would not have her kids on her scheduled day (she and I don't speak), didn't make any arrangements for SD to get to and from school, soccer practice, back to my house, etc. SS drives, so he is good to go, but I am volunteering for the athletic program tonight, so I won't be around until at least 9:30. I am a fanatic about the kids being in bed no later than 9:30 (cause they are a-holes in the morning if not), and my kid is with her BD all this week.
The bitch strikes again. Here is the irony: when DH first told her we were moving in together, she told him she was fearful of her then 16 year old son being alone with me cause I was such a tramp. I guess that fear is diminished when her travel plans are at stake.
My dilemma: I want the kids to always feel welcome in our home (they live here 50% of the time on a weird schedule because of their dad's work schedule). The kids and I get along, and I believe the stability of our house (always food in the fridge, set bedtimes, clean house, etc) will ultimately draw them to want to stay with their dad more than their mom over time (SS has already expressed a desire to do so), which will be okay, so long as DH's obligations to BM are shifted accordingly.
But this is the limbo part--the part where that asshole assumes she can dump her kids on me without so much as asking/telling DH. Again, I don't want to make the kids feel unwelcome, and I am not sure exactly how to instruct DH to shut this shit down immediately without her badmouthing me to her kids so they think I don't want them in my house (they are lovely kids, in spite of their beast mother).
Rock, hard place.
Any thoughts on how DH should address this (cause I refuse to speak to the cow--she wants so badly to engage me in a drama to solidify her victim image--I won't give that to her)?
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The most conservative
The most conservative approach is to simply document what she's doing. Extra days she gives you, the lack of co-parenting, etc., so that when your DH goes back to court, he's armed with lots of information that will justify a change to the custodial arrangement. This would be my DH's approach, since nothing he says to BM will matter anyway because she's a stupid cow (which is an insult to cows because they are cute and she is not).
I would improvise my best to cover, but in reality, this isn't your fault, it's BM's and the skids. And before anyone yells at me for blaming the skids, they could have told you before Sunday at 5 that BM wasn't coming back, I suspect.
My first thought is that SS
My first thought is that SS should drive his sister around.
My second thought is that SD might be able to bum rides from friends if you can't do it.
I understand how this could be frustrating though!
You're in a tough spot. I
You're in a tough spot. I think one thing your DH can do is contact BM in writing and say that if she needs to change the visitation schedule, she needs to consult with him first and not go through the children.
It might also be worth adding a clause to the CO - if you can - that any changes to the visitation schedule have to be proposed over a certain amount of time in advance and cleared with the other parent, or the parent who needs to make the change, will arrange for alternate care themselves.
That's about as much as you can do - set consequences for BM if she acts like she can just do whatever she wants. However, enforcing them would be difficult, unless you are prepared to let the kids suffer because their mom can't get her sh&t together.
Your DH needs to step up and
Your DH needs to step up and find rides for his kids if BM pulls this crap. This is not on you.
I would wait till the kids
I would wait till the kids are with BM and then I will tell DH..
Hon... get your X in line, from now on it's the CO and nothing more and nothing less, if you want to get me pissed off you will allow BM to run our lives...
What ended up happening? I
What ended up happening?
I wuold have brought them over to BM's and let them wait up for her there.
If one of them are old enough to drive, they're old enough to stay at her house.
If she didn't come back late monday after all... well BM it was your parenting time, you suck.
I of course let the kids stay
I of course let the kids stay over.
It sucks because I know they are unhappy in her home (she recently moved to a rental in a very remote area), so I want them to feel at home in our house.
I really liked the suggestion to have DH tell her not to make arrangements through the kids, I think we are going that route.