Define Living?
Im curious, this is something that has always perplexed me.
I have read here, and have heard people (adults and kids) say, "lives here every other weekend."
Do you really consider the child "living" there? Why not just say what it really is "visits every other weekend"
Now i am not talking about 50/50 cases, cause i feel a 50/50 arrangement does qualify as living there. But these weekends visits puzzle me. How do you live somewhere when you stay a few overnights a month?
When you live somewhere dont you consider that your home? When i was staying with my sister one weekend a month, i didnt say i lived there once a month.
Do some parents say this "live" instead of "visiting" to make themselves feel better? Seems a little dilusional to me.
So define living...
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Comments
The way that I see it is when
The way that I see it is when someone visits your home the person “visiting” is respectful, offers to help out, even if only with small things (clearing dinner table, helping with dishes after a meal. The company is usually very pleasant.
Whereas someone “living” there might have no respect what so ever. Feel entitled; feel like they are owed something, feel like they can take over the daily life rather then join the daily life. Like most teenagers.
I was thinking the exact
I was thinking the exact opposite. Someone "living" should contribute to the household in some way. Financially, by doing chores, accepting some sort of responsibility for the home. We have SS14 50/50, switching off weekly. I do not feel that he "lives" with us, because he doesn't contribute anything to our household. Instead, he's more like a guest who expects us to cater to him, clean up after him, cook for him, and wash his linens.
This seems really base, but
This seems really base, but hey maybe it's just one of those days?
I've never refered to them as "living" with us EOWE. I've always told people, and thought in my head, "we have the kids this weekend." If anyone asks, I say, "We have the kids EOWE." I don't really consider it 'living' or 'visiting.' It's somewhere in between I guess. I don't think the kids distinguish it much. Sometimes they say "I want to go home" and mean our house. Sometimes they ask "Are we going home today?" and mean their mother's house. I'm not sure that a distinction is really all that important.
Agreed! The girls have a home
Agreed! The girls have a home with their dad too, wherever he is. There is a room for them with their toys and things and where they feel comfortable. This is a place they feel safe and know they are always welcome to live for 2 days or hundreds.
I never say living here..I
I never say living here..I always say we have SD this weekend or we have SD this week...lately we have SD ALL MONTH!!!! :sick:
I know this can some people's
I know this can some people's undies in a bunch, but honestly, even court documents refer to it as"visitation". To me, the skids are "visiting" when they are at our house.
I lived with my mom every
I lived with my mom every weekend. It was more of a home to me than my dads home. I was wanted and loved there. I did not have my own bedroom, hell I didn't even have a bed! But it was my home.
My skids visit. To be family you must participate as family. They started off with rooms and beds, clothes, toys, you name it.
Not now you want special tooth paste you better bring it with you.
Same with shampoo, soap, whatever. They can use what I have but I am done having 4 bottles of shampoo, 4 different tubes of toothpaste, and 3 brands of soap.
I have to say that I
I have to say that I completely agree with you. My SD16 is with us (or supposed to be) every other week. I wouldn't say that she lives at my house because she would rather be with her mom and she doesn't contribute to anything in our household other than making messes. She is at our house on a more obligatory basis than anything, most likely because I don't tolerate her and will reprimand her when she disrespects. On the other hand, my BD11 lives with her dad throughout the week and every other weekend during the school year and lives with us every other week during the school year and every week with every other weekend during the summer. She has her own room, with her own things just as she does at her dad's house. She takes things back and forth all the time. She contributes to our household and abides by our rules just as she does at her dad's house. Just because she doesn't stay as long doesn't mean that she doesn't live somewhere.
That's an interesting
That's an interesting question in our case. Due to work schedules and lack of CO ( :? ) we have the kids every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday overnight. We have them on all school days off and all holidays, all summers. They stay at BM's Monday-Thursday nights unless there's a school day off. But to them our house is home, that's how they refer to it, and BM's is "Mom's house" I think it depends on where the KIDS feel more at home, not necessarily WHERE they are most (which factoring in holidays etc is technically us). That's where they "live"
I feel like it's visiting.
I feel like it's visiting. It's also a point of contention between SO and I. It's another reason we are not married or co-habitating. People who visit EOWE do not get keys to my home. They do not come and go as they please. They do not dictate what size home we buy or how we decorate it. They do not tell me that they should get a bigger room, bed, closet, etc than my son who actually lives with me. SO, however, wants them to feel as if it's their home and that they belong there.
I grew up as a child of divorce. I knew where my home was and it wasn't with my mom when I was in the custody of my dad and when I was in the custody of my mother, I knew my dad's house was no longer my home. To each their own I guess.
It's some BS term that
It's some BS term that psychologists, courts, BMs and others have made up to make themselves feel better or to let others know that the person has a RIGHT to do whatever they want in that place because it is "their home"...lol
PS - skid once told me "this is MY house too because my dad lives here..." to which I quickly responded..."I am glad you come here to visit, and I am glad your dad lives here...however, it is MY home as I AM THE ONLY ONE that pays for it..."
ugh, sd19 has always done
ugh, sd19 has always done that, too. everything is "ours". our house, our car, our dog, our everything. um, NO. i paid for that car, it is MINE. you are here eowe (at the time) this is NOT your house. i paid $500 for that dog for your dad as a gift, she is not yours in any way. when we went stove shopping a few years ago, that was 'hers', too. it's so irritating.
This was a point of
This was a point of contention for my DH and I. He felt they were visiting, so shouldnt' have any chores, etc. Just come and wait for him to be Disney Dad.
I felt that as members of our family, they should do things the rest of the family was expected to do. I don't think they should have had as MANY chores as the rest of us, but SOME should have been expected, IMO.
BM tries to tell the kids
BM tries to tell the kids they live there, her husband's house (the house he bought with his first wife, and kicked her and the kids out of). Ummm.... no, the kids have one home, and that is here with us. Not there with you and your sicko husband, and the occasional other men who come through for a lay.
They VISIT you, mommy, because you were a selfish bitch who gave up the role of 'mom' in favor of your fuck buddies. Truth is the truth, and your lies and pathetic bullshit do not change fact. I am thankful that the Judge sees you for who you are, and that the children at least have her as their advocate.
Read it and weep, woman. I know you are.
The kids have a home, and it is not with you. If you gave a damn about your kids, you would stop the lies, confusion, and chaos you cause in their lives and just let them be happy kids.